Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Define "take one for the team" sex.

Not into it but willing to lay there and not call it rape while he does his nasty, nasty business.

Nasty, nasty business? WTF?

DW here, but if I do not understand why any spouse thinks their low sex drive trumps their marriage. If I refused to have sex with DH (excusing health issues) then I'm already breaking our vows. Should I be surprised if he has an affair?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Define "take one for the team" sex.

Not into it but willing to lay there and not call it rape while he does his nasty, nasty business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Two reasons it feels so rejecting: 1) the way I feel connected and love with her is partly through sex. The lack of sex destroys us, erodes our love. 2) it would take, from my view, such little effort for her to try, maybe once or twice a week, to get in the mood. I take the kids out of the house, make dinner, happy to use toys in the bedroom, fantasize, whatever. She just can't seem to be bothered to make an effort. Yet, if I bring it up for the umpteenth time, she ends up crying because she is failing me as a wife.

So when someone I met showed an interest in me sexually, not as a chore but as a genuine interest, it became near life-affirming.

I am not excusing what your husband did, what I did, I am just explaining it.

It's interesting for me to read what you write from your side. I try to empathize with my DW's position. Again, I can't understand why she would jeopardize our marriage, our kids stability, all of it, because she just appears unwilling to devote any of her energy into our sex life.

Good luck, I hope you can make it through this.

Dude. YOU are the one destroying your marriage. YOU are ruining your kids' stability. Once your wife finds out, you're done. And when she does you're going to tell her that she made you put your $&@# in another woman. You're just a wolf in sheep's clothing. I wonder what other mistakes of yours are blamed on her.

I hope she finds out. Maybe she already knows and doesn't want to have sex with your dirty d$#! but is making excuses because she doesn't want to put her kids through a divorce. Even if you never had sex with her again, you wouldn't deserve her.

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Two reasons it feels so rejecting: 1) the way I feel connected and love with her is partly through sex. The lack of sex destroys us, erodes our love. 2) it would take, from my view, such little effort for her to try, maybe once or twice a week, to get in the mood. I take the kids out of the house, make dinner, happy to use toys in the bedroom, fantasize, whatever. She just can't seem to be bothered to make an effort. Yet, if I bring it up for the umpteenth time, she ends up crying because she is failing me as a wife.

So when someone I met showed an interest in me sexually, not as a chore but as a genuine interest, it became near life-affirming.

I am not excusing what your husband did, what I did, I am just explaining it.

It's interesting for me to read what you write from your side. I try to empathize with my DW's position. Again, I can't understand why she would jeopardize our marriage, our kids stability, all of it, because she just appears unwilling to devote any of her energy into our sex life.

Good luck, I hope you can make it through this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Define "take one for the team" sex.

Anonymous wrote:I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, OP, but if you read those texts...I have a strong inkling there was a physical component.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on here. I read a lot of assumptions for what could just be a conversation with a friend (albeit a friend of the opposite sex).

What the heck is an "emotional affair"? Is the implication that your husband can't have a close friend from whom he seeks advice?

Op here-
not a benign conversation with a friend. He lied to me about where he was- when he was meeting her. I found text messages him calling her " sweetheart", offering to hold her and her saying " yes, all night"!

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry I don't have any advice regarding your dh's cheating, but I do know what can drastically raise your libido. If you are suffering from depression ask your doctor to prescribe Wellbutrin, it helps depression, raises libido and is also used as a weight loss drug. Combine this with HGH supplements which contain amino acids to raise the HGH levels in your system, and your libido will be off the charts. Amazon sells HGH supplements. These are precursors not real HGH. Combining these two products took me from a nonexistent libido to over the top, and I did not take either for the purpose of raising my libido. They were just good side effects.

Anonymous wrote:Hold on here. I read a lot of assumptions for what could just be a conversation with a friend (albeit a friend of the opposite sex).

What the heck is an "emotional affair"? Is the implication that your husband can't have a close friend from whom he seeks advice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

If you are that close to the end, tell her that you're seriously contemplating what you just said. Tell her "I love [you], but we need to end this charade called marriage." She needs to hear it. Now.
She may of course give you pity sex for a while and then fall back into the same routine. However, you're having an affair, compartmentalizing, taking her out on dates, being put off from sex [again] and writing this as she 'facebooks' your wonderful evening to brag to friends.

She obviously has no clue about the affair.

You don't have to tell her about it, but if you tell her you've been contemplating one because you feel lonely/rejected/abandoned/hurt/human, she just may wake up to the gravity of the situation.

What you've been doing up to now hasn't worked. You sound ready to end it. Let her know that.