Grandma probably needs the money from the sale of the house to pay for assisted living. If it's still full of Grandma's stuff it won't sell.

Grandma's stuff isn't Grandma; how much does it matter who has what?

Grandma's stuff, Grandma gets to decide. If she's fine with the way things have been handled, then that's the way it goes.

And by the way, if she's unaware but her executors (including your dad) are fine with it, that's fine, too. (Too bad for you that he won't speak up!)

Elders can subconsciously use the distribution of assets (or junk, or keepsakes, whatever) as punishment for moving away, for being out of their daily lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Sorry, but this all kind of sounds like junk. Really, not worth getting mad over. It's just stuff, and in your case, it's not even valuable stuff. My mothers' siblings have either lost or taken items worth many many thousands of dollars, and it's made even worse because we are immigrants and we have absolutely nothing that connects us to our homeland but I feel life is too short to get worked up over material crap. Keep your memories and don't worry about it.

How very insulting. Not all items people care about have monetary value. You sound like a very shallow person.

Sad.

That's not my point. Getting worked up over material possessions is shallow no matter what. In this case, these are things that aren't even worth that much to begin with. Don't get emotionally attached to "stuff," it's all worthless in the end. OP should try and negotiate to get what she really feels reminds her of her grandmother but if she can't, she needs to get over it quickly. Be a "people first" person.

What if those items are the ones that remind her of her grandmother.

OP, I'd pick the one or two items that you really want and call the cousins who have them. Explain that you have nothing so far and are only seeking these items.

So what? What if they remind her relatives of her grandmother too? OP framed this as her cousins being "greedy." I can't imagine people being that greedy over items that sound like they are not worth more than a few hundred dollars. What probably happened is that her relatives thought it wasn't a big deal to take the items without asking because they aren't monetarily valuable- they didn't realize that they meant a lot to OP. And even if OP does not get the items she is attached to, she shouldn't make a big deal of it. Fighting over stuff is a disservice to her grandmother's memory. The woman's not even dead yet!

I'm surprised grandma let this happen. Over a decade ago, grandma made a list for all the grandkids and kids of what we want. The oldest chose first then the rest of us down to the youngest. Then she started again with the oldest. For instance- oldest grandkid got the silver, then I (2nd oldest grandkid) got the crystal. Oldest daughter got the engagement ring, oldest son got the father's wedding rings.There were about 15 of us and we all found it fair. She marked the bottoms of items with stickers with our names on it.

When it happened we all found it morbid, but grandparents really enjoyed giving away their lives treasures and talking about when they'd gotten them and the history of the items.

But if I were you, I would go home more often to visit. My grandparents (both sets) are 1k miles away and I manage to visit 1-2x a year. If you aren't as involved in their daily lives, it's different. I know my cousins who live locally had a much different relationship with the grandparents. Life isn't always fair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF? And your grandmother is alive- isn't this straight up theft? Those are her things unless she consents to give them away.

Yes - Grandma is still alive but my uncle is in a hurry to sell the house which is why they (his children/my cousins)are emptying it.
Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

Squeaky wheels, oil, etc.

Grandma has a right to give anything she likes to whomever she likes, because it's HER stuff. Why would you roll your eyes at that? IT'S HER STUFF, NOT YOURS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF? And your grandmother is alive- isn't this straight up theft? Those are her things unless she consents to give them away.

Yes - Grandma is still alive but my uncle is in a hurry to sell the house which is why they (his children/my cousins)are emptying it.
Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

Squeaky wheels, oil, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Sorry, but this all kind of sounds like junk. Really, not worth getting mad over. It's just stuff, and in your case, it's not even valuable stuff. My mothers' siblings have either lost or taken items worth many many thousands of dollars, and it's made even worse because we are immigrants and we have absolutely nothing that connects us to our homeland but I feel life is too short to get worked up over material crap. Keep your memories and don't worry about it.

How very insulting. Not all items people care about have monetary value. You sound like a very shallow person.

Sad.

That's not my point. Getting worked up over material possessions is shallow no matter what. In this case, these are things that aren't even worth that much to begin with. Don't get emotionally attached to "stuff," it's all worthless in the end. OP should try and negotiate to get what she really feels reminds her of her grandmother but if she can't, she needs to get over it quickly. Be a "people first" person.

What if those items are the ones that remind her of her grandmother.

OP, I'd pick the one or two items that you really want and call the cousins who have them. Explain that you have nothing so far and are only seeking these items.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Sorry, but this all kind of sounds like junk. Really, not worth getting mad over. It's just stuff, and in your case, it's not even valuable stuff. My mothers' siblings have either lost or taken items worth many many thousands of dollars, and it's made even worse because we are immigrants and we have absolutely nothing that connects us to our homeland but I feel life is too short to get worked up over material crap. Keep your memories and don't worry about it.

How very insulting. Not all items people care about have monetary value. You sound like a very shallow person.

Sad.

That's not my point. Getting worked up over material possessions is shallow no matter what. In this case, these are things that aren't even worth that much to begin with. Don't get emotionally attached to "stuff," it's all worthless in the end. OP should try and negotiate to get what she really feels reminds her of her grandmother but if she can't, she needs to get over it quickly. Be a "people first" person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Sorry, but this all kind of sounds like junk. Really, not worth getting mad over. It's just stuff, and in your case, it's not even valuable stuff. My mothers' siblings have either lost or taken items worth many many thousands of dollars, and it's made even worse because we are immigrants and we have absolutely nothing that connects us to our homeland but I feel life is too short to get worked up over material crap. Keep your memories and don't worry about it.

How very insulting. Not all items people care about have monetary value. You sound like a very shallow person.

Sad.

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Sorry, but this all kind of sounds like junk. Really, not worth getting mad over. It's just stuff, and in your case, it's not even valuable stuff. My mothers' siblings have either lost or taken items worth many many thousands of dollars, and it's made even worse because we are immigrants and we have absolutely nothing that connects us to our homeland but I feel life is too short to get worked up over material crap. Keep your memories and don't worry about it.

OP, why isn't your father standing up for you? Really, your father and his brothers and sisters(if they are any) should step in and manage this.I'm pretty certain your father could ask for any items, even if they have already been "claimed" by your cousins. I would think that your father's claims would trump any of his nephew and nieces! At the least, your could get his childhood bookshelf!

FYI the Hummels are worthless. If you want some, check eBay, they're a dime a dozen.

I advise you to lift yourself out of this nasty competition for crap. You don't need junk to remember your grandmother. And you sound no better than your greedy cousins, frankly.

Go visit your grandmother and let the crap go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bear skin rug, claimed
Little water glasses, claimed
Grandfather's desk, claimed
Bookshelf that was my dad's when he was a little boy, claimed
Doll stroller my DDs played with when they visited, claimed
Christmas ornaments from the Depression, claimed
Christmas houses (Pre Department 56) claimed
Tools, claimed
Ice box from the 40'S (?) claimed
Grandfather's clarinet, claimed

I'm mad at myself that I didn't have more balls to claim items as mine when I was there. I had no idea they were "claiming" things until my sibling texted me asking what I wanted. I later found out all the things I wanted were already claimed. I didn't go through the house making a mental note of stuff as Grandma is still alive. I guess I have too much class.

Why don't you ask them for your dad's bookshelf?

Since it is your father's I am sure they will understand.

Me: but that was my dad's bookcase.
Cousin T: BUt Grandma said I could have it.

Send a group email cc'ing all cousins.

Tell them you and your siblings have taken nothing and you only want specific items with very sentimental meanings to them. Specifically mention your dad's bookshelf and tye necklace. Tell them they are welcome to the other stuff.

You made it sound like you claimed all those things.

Write them a group email and say this isn't fair. Speak up!