Anonymous wrote:I'm Korean-American and immigrated to the United States when I was 4 years old. One of my earliest memories is going to the store by myself in Korea. My mom let me walk to the store and buy something. I am pretty sure she was right outside or a half a block away but I remember being so proud of myself. I thought I was such a big girl.

My kids are 4 and 6 now and I don't even let them walk in a parking lot without holding my hands. I am not afraid of kidnapping. I am afraid they will get hit by a car.

I agree and had similar experiences in my country of birth. I went to the store for my parents frequently as it was only a short distance away and there were no busy streets in between. If I had that same set up for my kids, I would have let them do the same.

I am not that concerned about kidnapping, I am more concerned about cars and kids getting in situations of danger because they make bad decisions. There are more cars in the road today and they move faster than they did years ago-everyone is in a hurry.

I've seen two kids have their lives completely changed by accidental injury- one with a head injury that has effectively ended his life as he knew it. This was a perfectly normal kid with a sense of adventure who did something he thought was fun and now is essentially gone. His entire family has been changed by this and will never again be the same. This is an incident that would not have happened had he been with an adult.

The other child was seriously injured by being hit by a car while playing near a busy road. He spent months in the hospital. He recovered, but is a different person than he was before. This kid never would have been playing near that road if an adult had been present.

Anonymous wrote:Japan is generally better than the US. Value statement.
German too.

In some ways. I grew up in both. But I did ride my bike to first grade in Tokyo. And wander around with my friends, go shopping, etc. In Tokyo. In second grade. Hard to imagine someone letting a kid do that in DC. Did the same in Berlin. Took taxis with friends at 8 and 9. DH almost had a fit when I suggested putting DS (14) in a taxi recently. Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing to keep in mind is that in Japan other adults will look out for unsupervised kids. They have no qualms about helping or correcting a child that isn't theirs (I'm not Japanese so I may be wrong).

Back in the 60's and 70's when kids were running around the neighborhood, the adult neighbors were free to discipline or call out bad behavior they saw. They could report what they saw to your parents. Alternatively if you needed help you could run over and ring your neighbors' door bell. People knew their neighbors more.

There are still plenty of people who know their neighbors.

But now a days if you try to correct a neighboring child, the parent will get in your face and yell at you for daring to discipline the child. Also, busy bodies will call CPS if they see a 6 yr old walking around the neighborhood by themselves now. That's the difference.

I'm Korean-American and immigrated to the United States when I was 4 years old. One of my earliest memories is going to the store by myself in Korea. My mom let me walk to the store and buy something. I am pretty sure she was right outside or a half a block away but I remember being so proud of myself. I thought I was such a big girl.

My kids are 4 and 6 now and I don't even let them walk in a parking lot without holding my hands. I am not afraid of kidnapping. I am afraid they will get hit by a car.

I went to the neighborhood store by myself when I was 6 (1980). It was a block or so from the house and I had to cross one two lane street. I loved it! I got to cross the street, got to remember the items I needed, got to make sure I got the correct change. It taught me a good deal of independence and self confidence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's safe in the US, we are just afraid to let them do it.

At that age? Yeah, I'd be scared for my kids. Besides, you can get delivery, thanks to Amazon and Google Express. With MS/HS age, it's a different story: kids have more awareness of safety and money and are less likely to be fooled by strangers. Better to wait a few years.

Missing the entire point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this can be done here. I sold DD's stroller when she was a few months shy of 3, and I carried for her only a diaper, small pack of wipes, one small snack. When she started asking to bring toys on errands, I would say "Only if you carry it". We only lost one once (she left her stuffed panda on a city bus; I told her he had gone on vacation to Florida). While I couldn't let her walk to a store from the house by herself, I could let her go INTO a store by herself with money to purchase something.

Isn't this normal? Mine is only 18 months and I only carry a diaper, few wipes in a ziploc, and a water cup. In a regular purse. I thought most people were past the diaper bag with their entire life it in at that point.

I will admit, the stroller makes a nice Starbucks/shopping bag holder and I don't know how I'll let it go.

Are you the one borrowing an extra set of clothes and a snack or band aid from me? I hang out with these people, and I am always providing things such as sunblock, off, extra water, etc. Bring your own stuff, don't feel so high and mighty because you don't have stuff for emergencies.

Not the pp but I also carry very minimal stuff. I do occasionally take a band aid or a wet nap. I am also a very good and generous friend. I host play dates, dinner parties and lots of events in my home. If you don't want to share your stuff, that is fine by me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this can be done here. I sold DD's stroller when she was a few months shy of 3, and I carried for her only a diaper, small pack of wipes, one small snack. When she started asking to bring toys on errands, I would say "Only if you carry it". We only lost one once (she left her stuffed panda on a city bus; I told her he had gone on vacation to Florida). While I couldn't let her walk to a store from the house by herself, I could let her go INTO a store by herself with money to purchase something.

Isn't this normal? Mine is only 18 months and I only carry a diaper, few wipes in a ziploc, and a water cup. In a regular purse. I thought most people were past the diaper bag with their entire life it in at that point.

I will admit, the stroller makes a nice Starbucks/shopping bag holder and I don't know how I'll let it go.

Are you the one borrowing an extra set of clothes and a snack or band aid from me? I hang out with these people, and I am always providing things such as sunblock, off, extra water, etc. Bring your own stuff, don't feel so high and mighty because you don't have stuff for emergencies.

No, sorry. I don't borrow things from anyone. I'm sorry people do that to you and I'm sorry it bothers you so much.

The huge bags are more common when people have more than one very small child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this can be done here. I sold DD's stroller when she was a few months shy of 3, and I carried for her only a diaper, small pack of wipes, one small snack. When she started asking to bring toys on errands, I would say "Only if you carry it". We only lost one once (she left her stuffed panda on a city bus; I told her he had gone on vacation to Florida). While I couldn't let her walk to a store from the house by herself, I could let her go INTO a store by herself with money to purchase something.

Isn't this normal? Mine is only 18 months and I only carry a diaper, few wipes in a ziploc, and a water cup. In a regular purse. I thought most people were past the diaper bag with their entire life it in at that point.

I will admit, the stroller makes a nice Starbucks/shopping bag holder and I don't know how I'll let it go.

Are you the one borrowing an extra set of clothes and a snack or band aid from me? I hang out with these people, and I am always providing things such as sunblock, off, extra water, etc. Bring your own stuff, don't feel so high and mighty because you don't have stuff for emergencies.

Aren't you the one always shoving things at me? No, my kid doesn't need a constant stream of water to not get dehydrated, they weren't remotely "hungry" until they saw your kid constantly nibbling on those damn goldfish, and they got sunblock before we left home 45 minutes ago, so chill the heck out. I do appreciate the bandaid, though. Thanks for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this can be done here. I sold DD's stroller when she was a few months shy of 3, and I carried for her only a diaper, small pack of wipes, one small snack. When she started asking to bring toys on errands, I would say "Only if you carry it". We only lost one once (she left her stuffed panda on a city bus; I told her he had gone on vacation to Florida). While I couldn't let her walk to a store from the house by herself, I could let her go INTO a store by herself with money to purchase something.

Isn't this normal? Mine is only 18 months and I only carry a diaper, few wipes in a ziploc, and a water cup. In a regular purse. I thought most people were past the diaper bag with their entire life it in at that point.

I will admit, the stroller makes a nice Starbucks/shopping bag holder and I don't know how I'll let it go.

Are you the one borrowing an extra set of clothes and a snack or band aid from me? I hang out with these people, and I am always providing things such as sunblock, off, extra water, etc. Bring your own stuff, don't feel so high and mighty because you don't have stuff for emergencies.

Anonymous wrote:Another thing to keep in mind is that in Japan other adults will look out for unsupervised kids. They have no qualms about helping or correcting a child that isn't theirs (I'm not Japanese so I may be wrong).

Back in the 60's and 70's when kids were running around the neighborhood, the adult neighbors were free to discipline or call out bad behavior they saw. They could report what they saw to your parents. Alternatively if you needed help you could run over and ring your neighbors' door bell. People knew their neighbors more.

There are still plenty of people who know their neighbors.

Anonymous wrote:

They are rare because most people aren't letting their young kid walk around unsupervised. If you look at most cases of children being kidnapped, raped, or found dead by a stranger most were when the kid was out playing alone unsupervised. There is no way a 5 year old is going to fight off an adult.

Well obviously most cases of children being ubducted by a stranger were when the kid was playing alone. But being 5 or 10 or 50 years old won't change that fact. People (kids or adults) aren't generally abducted when they are around lots of other people. But that tells you NOTHING about the risk or frequency of stranger abduction. (All squares are rectangles, but not all rectanbles are squares)

Here are some useful facts from https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-missing-children/2013/05/10/efee398c-b8b4-11e2-aa9e-a02b765ff0ea_story.html
(facts are good. Use them.)

- children taken by strangers or slight acquaintances represent only one-hundredth of 1 percent of all missing children.
- That trend is supported by FBI statistics showing fewer missing persons of all ages — down 31 percent between 1997 and 2011. The numbers of homicides, sexual assaults and almost all other crimes against children have been dropping, too.
- we do know that children are vastly more likely to come to harm and even be abducted by people they know than by people they don’t. We’d do much better to teach them the signs of people (strangers or not) who are behaving badly: touching them inappropriately, being overly personal, trying to get them alone, acting drunk, provoking others or recklessly wielding weapons. We need to help children practice refusal skills, disengagement skills and how to summon help. We need some new prevention mantras.

Another thing to keep in mind is that in Japan other adults will look out for unsupervised kids. They have no qualms about helping or correcting a child that isn't theirs (I'm not Japanese so I may be wrong).

Back in the 60's and 70's when kids were running around the neighborhood, the adult neighbors were free to discipline or call out bad behavior they saw. They could report what they saw to your parents. Alternatively if you needed help you could run over and ring your neighbors' door bell. People knew their neighbors more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Japan as a non Japanese. The U.S. is simply not set up in the same way. First, Japanese people are much more mindful of pedestrians and cyclists. Driving down my narrow Japanese street is terrifying, bc if someone walks out in front of me, it is totally my fault (even if they are negligent). Cars are "stronger" than people or bikes, so the driver is always blamed for not being more careful. Also, the crime rate is significantly less. Child abduction is linked to family members, not pedophiles (although sex crimes exist-groping on trains etc).[i][u] Schools are set up so that kids can walk to schools in groups with teacher chaperones. Trains are accurate and perfectly timed. Society has to be set up like this bc the Japanese want their workforce at work, not encumbered by school drop off. It is pretty amazing.

That is *exactly* the same in the US. Stranger child abduction in the US is extraordinarily, exceedingly, rare. And yet, for some reason, US parents are fixated on it in a way that isn't the case in most of Europe and Asia.

They are rare because most people aren't letting their young kid walk around unsupervised. If you look at most cases of children being kidnapped, raped, or found dead by a stranger most were when the kid was out playing alone unsupervised. There is no way a 5 year old is going to fight off an adult.

But if you look at cases of children being kidnapped, raped, or murdered, most were not done by a stranger.

Also, when five-year-olds did used to walk to school by themselves (for example), stranger abduction was just as rare as it is now.