You will for sure get put in a nursing home.

Anonymous wrote:It's clear that your loan comes with a lot of strings attached. I'd turn it down, too. Congrats to them on their new house. Don't visit if you're planning on expressing your criticism out loud. Nobody is interested in your opinion of the house.

NP. I'll go one step further. . . Don't just refrain from criticizing their new house out loud. My very opinionated (critical) mother will sometimes manage to hold her tongue while obviously giving away her real thoughts with body language and facial expression. It is just as hurtful, intrusive and disrespectful as if she voiced them.

Find a way to make genuine peace with your son's choices. There is much to admire there, even if they differ with your own preferences. Congratulate him and his wife with a generous heart. It's far more valuable to him than a generous loan.

OP, you sound like a narcissist, b/c you want to put yourself at the center of every decision. This is not about you. It is a man and a wife buying a house, and doing what responsible adults do: paying for it themselves, choosing it themselves, updating it on their own time as their budgets allow. These two individuals frankly sound a lot more mature than you do, to be honest. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they want to make this house THEIR home OP and certainly changing flooring and painting walls isn't an earth shattering amount of time or money. Respect their wishes. Imagine if it was your MIL judging you back in the day

I gave my own MIL the respect and deference due to an elder and the mother of my husband in my day.

Times...have changed...

Correct. It is 2015.

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who wants to see the house?

OP- show us the monstrosity. Give us the goods

Am I the only one who wants to see the house?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

You are the MIL that everyone complains about! Just butt out! Your son is an adult and making decisions with his wife, not his mommy. Sorry for your loss, but if you don't MYOB you'll lose him further. Embrace his decisions and his wife.

i love that she didn't even offer $$ for the down payment...she offered a LOAN for the down payment, which many lenders won't accept. You usually have to sign something that says you don't owe anything on the house besides the mortgage.

Keep your mouth shut. My mother went on a smear campaign about my house being too small. Now my brother when he visits won't even come see it. The end result, she is no longer invited over to our house. We will see her at her house or in a neutral place but we do not invite her for meals etc.

Anonymous wrote:TROLL. I never say that, but seriously.

Exactly. This post can't be real.

And if it is real, God help your son and his wife.

"Well apparently my opinion means nothing to my son and his wife."

Yep, you're right!

They are WISE to decline money that comes with strings, OP. My mother does this all the time - offers ridiculously generous help, and then expects to micromanage our lives. Nope, sorry, we're adults and manage our own lives (and make our own mistakes).

By the way, your criticism of their choice highlights how petty you are - all these things are minor cosmetic details which can be fixed easily. We gutted the whole ground floor of the house we bought and renovated according to our taste.

Congratulations for painting the true caricature of the awful MIL.

Glad that OP's son has some balls to deal with crazy mother. You are the nutso MIL that everyone complains about on DCUM.

Trollma

You know, troll + grandma

Holy shit woman back off. You generosity was denied because it came with Massive Strings Attached.

Your son said no. If you "blame" your DIL for this you will soon be writing posts on DCUM about how your DIL won't let you come to an open ended visit after their first child is born.

This was your son's choice. Cut the umbilical cord and go buy yourself something nice.

Mom?

Sounds like your son knows you well enough to understand that you feel entitled to tell him what to do and is setting boundaries so he can live the life he and his family chooses.

Everyone here already has your number -- controlling, martyr complex, incapable of seeing his life without you at the center.

You're pissed that his wife supports or even encourages his decision to live like a grown man now that he has a means of support. Try to triangulate between them and you will lose- as you should.

What's changed since grad school? He's got a job and a life. That's a good thing. A good mother would be proud he moved on.

Learn some boundaries. You won't get to decide how he raises his kids either. Sit back and be a grandparent or get yourself to therapy until you know how.