OP:

You're getting divorced from your husband, not your kids. He's still their dad, and your inlaws are still their grandparents.

Grow the fuck up.

Surely you can keep your mouth full of turkey and stuffing for a couple of hours if you can't bite your tongue and keep your yap shut until it's over, for the good of your kids?

Or maybe not.

Good job op. I know this is probably the last thing you need from your family who should be supportive. Your mother is completely out of line and I would do the same.

Thanks for the response, OP. You are setting healthy boundaries with your parents (your mom).

I am not divorced so have little experience here, but what your mom did was totally inappropriate--inviting your ex-husband without consulting you. Totally inappropriate. Is your mom always like this or is this some divorce-induced craziness? Your Dad should not be acting like Switzerland--he should be telling your mom she is nuts and wrong. The fact that he isn't, plus that she even did this and is now giving you the silent treatment, suggests to me that she may have serious issues and that her family does not typically stand up to her. It makes me wonder if such dynamics may have played out in your own marriage.

Anyway, all of this is to say what you did is so obviously the right decision. Whatever happens this Thanksgiving, I hope you can enjoy it, and love your parents without feeling like you have to put up with this shit. It's totally unacceptable. What you are modeling to your children right now is far better than going and playing 'happy family.'

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide to do?

OP here. Told my parents that DCs and I are not coming. We will have our own Thanksgiving, go to the movies. They are welcome to join us at OUR place. If not, they can stay with people they have little in common. My mother is giving me a silent treatment which is hysterical to me My Dad is trying to act like Switzerland.

Good for you OP! Thanks for updating us. But yeah, your mom was way out of line on that one.

Totally agree, you did the right thing.

+1 I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving, however it goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide to do?

OP here. Told my parents that DCs and I are not coming. We will have our own Thanksgiving, go to the movies. They are welcome to join us at OUR place. If not, they can stay with people they have little in common. My mother is giving me a silent treatment which is hysterical to me My Dad is trying to act like Switzerland.

Good for you OP! Thanks for updating us. But yeah, your mom was way out of line on that one.

Totally agree, you did the right thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide to do?

OP here. Told my parents that DCs and I are not coming. We will have our own Thanksgiving, go to the movies. They are welcome to join us at OUR place. If not, they can stay with people they have little in common. My mother is giving me a silent treatment which is hysterical to me My Dad is trying to act like Switzerland.

Good for you OP! Thanks for updating us. But yeah, your mom was way out of line on that one.

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide to do?

OP here. Told my parents that DCs and I are not coming. We will have our own Thanksgiving, go to the movies. They are welcome to join us at OUR place. If not, they can stay with people they have little in common. My mother is giving me a silent treatment which is hysterical to me My Dad is trying to act like Switzerland.

OP what did you decide to do?

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe you have this attitude about the father of your children. You loved him once why can't you be civil. He will be a part of your life for a long time to come and your parents have made it clear they expect all family members to behave for the sake of the children. No one is asking you to get back together, just to be polite. Divorce is a long process.

Are you divorced? From a cheater no less?

OP is a victim here; not the perp. She is obligated to be polite. To never "bash" him. To respect the relationship her children have with him.

She is not obligated to subject herself to an unwanted Thxgiving meal with her ex.

The person you should be lecturing is her ex husband. WTH was he thinking in accepting this invitation? Shouldn't he at least have asked the mother of his children how she felt about it?

Oh yeah; that's right: FING CHEATERS don't give a F*ck what the mother of their children thinks or feels, about anything. They do what they want, when they want. And they know that people like you except the victimized spouse to just suck it up.

your parents have made it clear

Parents don't have a say! Yes Op needs to be friendly with Ex, but Op does not need to spend holidays with Ex UNLESS it is Op and Ex's idea.

I cannot believe you have this attitude about the father of your children. You loved him once why can't you be civil. He will be a part of your life for a long time to come and your parents have made it clear they expect all family members to behave for the sake of the children. No one is asking you to get back together, just to be polite. Divorce is a long process.

I can't get a straight answer from her

I don't know why you have let this go on this far. And now you've involved your kids. When did your Mother tell you this? The moment you found out you should have said you weren't coming. Your Mother could have withdrawn the invitation to IL's. They certainly would have suspected that she acted alone and the invitation was out of place.