My first thought was that it's not a good idea.

I dated a guy who was 27 when I was 18. Nothing really bad happened but when I look back on it, it was definitely icky.

But then I realized I first met DH when I was 20 and he was 25 and we started dating at 21/26 and got married at 24/28 (he is 4.5 yrs older). We have been happily married for 22 yrs now.

So I say it depends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not a stable grown up if he's dating a 19 year old. A 19 year old freshman girl shouldn't be looking for a long-term relationship with a 25 year old unless she plans to get knocked up and married so she can finally get out of her parents' house.

All your assumptions are ignorant and false.

There is nothing wrong with 25 dating 19. For either party involved. Period.

If they date while she's in college and get married after she graduates, that would be a huge win for all concerned. I hope that happens!

Why?

It's the 19 year old weighing in.

Why would it be a bad thing to have 3 years of dating and getting to know each other before marrying? Also, if she already has her degree before getting married, there's less issue if she gets pregnant soon after.

I just realized shes a freshman. That makes it 4 years to date/get to know each other, even better, imo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not a stable grown up if he's dating a 19 year old. A 19 year old freshman girl shouldn't be looking for a long-term relationship with a 25 year old unless she plans to get knocked up and married so she can finally get out of her parents' house.

All your assumptions are ignorant and false.

There is nothing wrong with 25 dating 19. For either party involved. Period.

If they date while she's in college and get married after she graduates, that would be a huge win for all concerned. I hope that happens!

Why?

It's the 19 year old weighing in.

Why would it be a bad thing to have 3 years of dating and getting to know each other before marrying? Also, if she already has her degree before getting married, there's less issue if she gets pregnant soon after.

MYOB.

A. She's an adult. He's an adult. It's consensual. Not your business.
B. She should be paying for her own healthcare, even if she's living with you and on your insurance. Again, not your business what she does for sexual health.
C. She's in a stable relationship, not having one night stands, not "dating" horny drunks in a frat for a week. For the third time, not your business.

If she comes to you to talk, fine. Otherwise, MYOB!

I can't imagine my mother sticking her nose into my relationships or sex life without being asked, as a teen (minor) or an adult. Nor can I imagine doing that to my child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 19 and has been dating/sleeping with a 25 year old guy for about a month now. They met online but became very close, very fast. They now spend all their free time together. She's in her first year of college but lives at home. He's a nice guy, has a job, etc but I'm wondering what he see's in a 19 year old? Men are attracted to youth, I know, but she's in such a different life stage than he is. I'm trying to think back to when I was that age. Is it okay/normal?

What does he see in her? Please check the words in bold.

Pretty much sums it up right there.
A 25 year-old guy sees the same thing in a 19 year-old girl that he sees in a 49 year-old MILF...starts with P ends in Y.

Philanthropy?

Personality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 19 and has been dating/sleeping with a 25 year old guy for about a month now. They met online but became very close, very fast. They now spend all their free time together. She's in her first year of college but lives at home. He's a nice guy, has a job, etc but I'm wondering what he see's in a 19 year old? Men are attracted to youth, I know, but she's in such a different life stage than he is. I'm trying to think back to when I was that age. Is it okay/normal?

What does he see in her? Please check the words in bold.

Pretty much sums it up right there.
A 25 year-old guy sees the same thing in a 19 year-old girl that he sees in a 49 year-old MILF...starts with P ends in Y.

puppetry

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think I agree with the folks who have pointed out that they are adults and not in terribly different developmental stages, necessarily, but I also think the poster who pointed out that he probably likes having some influence over such a freshly minted adult has an excellent point. This is what I remember about being this age and dating older. Some guys just want to have a vessel for all their really profound (can you see my sarcasm there?) takes on life. The upside is that if this is the case, your daughter will probably outgrow him.

Are you kidding?

No 25 year old guy thinks about mentoring or influencing a 19-year-old girl. Her mind and her attitudes are of no great interest. It is her body that is of consuming interest. If he wants her as a vessel, it is so that he can transfer his man-juice, not his profound life wisdom.

Nope, not kidding and not true. Sometimes along with all the stuff you mentioned, they like to have someone to mansplain stuff to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 19 and has been dating/sleeping with a 25 year old guy for about a month now. They met online but became very close, very fast. They now spend all their free time together. She's in her first year of college but lives at home. He's a nice guy, has a job, etc but I'm wondering what he see's in a 19 year old? Men are attracted to youth, I know, but she's in such a different life stage than he is. I'm trying to think back to when I was that age. Is it okay/normal?

What does he see in her? Please check the words in bold.

Pretty much sums it up right there.
A 25 year-old guy sees the same thing in a 19 year-old girl that he sees in a 49 year-old MILF...starts with P ends in Y.

pretty? pansy? party? petty? plenty?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 19 and has been dating/sleeping with a 25 year old guy for about a month now. They met online but became very close, very fast. They now spend all their free time together. She's in her first year of college but lives at home. He's a nice guy, has a job, etc but I'm wondering what he see's in a 19 year old? Men are attracted to youth, I know, but she's in such a different life stage than he is. I'm trying to think back to when I was that age. Is it okay/normal?

What does he see in her? Please check the words in bold.

Pretty much sums it up right there.
A 25 year-old guy sees the same thing in a 19 year-old girl that he sees in a 49 year-old MILF...starts with P ends in Y.

Philanthropy?

DH and I were 19 when we met and we have been together now for 30 years.

So, 19 is not immature and 30 is not mature. Maturity and immaturity depends on the individual.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think I agree with the folks who have pointed out that they are adults and not in terribly different developmental stages, necessarily, but I also think the poster who pointed out that he probably likes having some influence over such a freshly minted adult has an excellent point. This is what I remember about being this age and dating older. Some guys just want to have a vessel for all their really profound (can you see my sarcasm there?) takes on life. The upside is that if this is the case, your daughter will probably outgrow him.

Are you kidding?

No 25 year old guy thinks about mentoring or influencing a 19-year-old girl. Her mind and her attitudes are of no great interest. It is her body that is of consuming interest. If he wants her as a vessel, it is so that he can transfer his man-juice, not his profound life wisdom.

OP, I think I agree with the folks who have pointed out that they are adults and not in terribly different developmental stages, necessarily, but I also think the poster who pointed out that he probably likes having some influence over such a freshly minted adult has an excellent point. This is what I remember about being this age and dating older. Some guys just want to have a vessel for all their really profound (can you see my sarcasm there?) takes on life. The upside is that if this is the case, your daughter will probably outgrow him.

Anonymous wrote:DD is 19 and has been dating/sleeping with a 25 year old guy for about a month now. They met online but became very close, very fast. They now spend all their free time together. She's in her first year of college but lives at home. He's a nice guy, has a job, etc but I'm wondering what he see's in a 19 year old? Men are attracted to youth, I know, but she's in such a different life stage than he is. I'm trying to think back to when I was that age. Is it okay/normal?

This was me and my bf as a sophomore in college. We had similar taste is movies/tv, enjoyed each others' company. Fizzled out because I got bored of the relationship and he was kind of a sad sack. 19/25 isn't that big of a think, fresh into college/fresh out of college. I would like the gap between 23 and 29 bigger lifestyle wise.

OP - Your daughter could easily be meeting and simply "hooking up" with hapless and drunk college fellows for one night stands as that seems to be the new "dating trend" on college campuses today. So given that reality, meeting someone who is older - whether college educated or not - maybe a more positive relationship as she starts college. Take the advice to invite him over for dinner to get to know him as the reality of college today is you would have little idea of whom she was doing what with so be glad it seems to be just one relationship. This fellow may also help her to make wise decisions as she deals with those closer to her own age. Keep the continuing conversation going over what her goals in life are, that the first relationship is not necessarily one's only relationship, that she needs to be comfortable in a relationship always etc. Since she is at home - at least some of the time - listen carefully for any change of vibes that might indicate more drinking, introduction of drugs, pressures not to remain in school etc.

If the guy were 20 would you be objecting?

20:58 nails it. Find out what you can about his dating history -- has it always been younger girls or a mix of ages -- is he just slightly awkward/a late bloomer -- or does he seem like he wants someone to control?

I will say the quick speed of things is somewhat concerning but c'est la vie. Would you rather have your DD engaging in a series of drunken hookups with frat boys?