Anonymous wrote:[b]

Holy shit, don't call yourself this woman's friend, because you are most definitely not her friend. You suck.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't skeptical enough about the stalking story to dig deeper on her own (trust but verify) then I'd say the wife doesn't want to know the truth.

Anonymous wrote:If you are the other woman, do not tell the wife. She will never believe you. She'll just think you are a crazy stalker.

If you are the wife's sister, or life-long best friend, then yes, go ahead and tell.

If you are both the other woman and the wife's sister/best friend, you are a total loser bitch.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't skeptical enough about the stalking story to dig deeper on her own (trust but verify) then I'd say the wife doesn't want to know the truth.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I would want the facts to come from someone who is compassionate and has my interests in mind. The OP does not seem to be that kind of a friend.

Does anyone remember a similar post where the neighbor(1) wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor(2) about her husband's(2) affair that she(1) had witnessed? The OP of that thread had discussed the affair with the entire neighborhood and wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor after the fact. That OP was a malicious bitch and somehow this OP seems to be cut from the same cloth.

Yes, tell your friend the truth, but only if you are discreet, sensitive and want the best thing for her. Be prepared to support your friend is she leaves her husband - car, money, shelter, job, child care - for as long as she needs to get back on her feet. You can't do that? Then you have no business to insinuate yourself in her life.

This OP seems to be the one who had the affair, and the married man pretended to be single. She is angry and vindictive and her reason to tell is to punish and get revenge. That makes her as much as a lowlife as the cheating husband.

Wow. You are reading a lot into OPs few sentences. She/he actually didn't say much.

I would absolutely want to know. Send an anonymous note with evidence and leave it at that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I would want the facts to come from someone who is compassionate and has my interests in mind. The OP does not seem to be that kind of a friend.

Does anyone remember a similar post where the neighbor(1) wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor(2) about her husband's(2) affair that she(1) had witnessed? The OP of that thread had discussed the affair with the entire neighborhood and wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor after the fact. That OP was a malicious bitch and somehow this OP seems to be cut from the same cloth.

Yes, tell your friend the truth, but only if you are discreet, sensitive and want the best thing for her. Be prepared to support your friend is she leaves her husband - car, money, shelter, job, child care - for as long as she needs to get back on her feet. You can't do that? Then you have no business to insinuate yourself in her life.

This OP seems to be the one who had the affair, and the married man pretended to be single. She is angry and vindictive and her reason to tell is to punish and get revenge. That makes her as much as a lowlife as the cheating husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I'll bite and maybe this isn't popular but I don't think its anyone else's place, ever, to insert themselves into my marriage. I think barring serious abuse where getting someone out is paramount to survival/ health (NO you can't talk infidelity into that category) then it is really a shit thing to do to try to tell me what I should or shouldn't know. Either I find out or I don't but that really doesn't effect your life after you get your little "moment" in. So why does anyone feel the right to insert themselves?

Weeellll, some would say that the other woman/man already "inserted" themselves into your marriage by sleeping with your spouse. This would be just making YOU aware of YOUR business.

yes and no.

She didn't insert anything that wasn't invited by the spouse, I don't think OW or OM are saints but I honestly think they are not at ALL what is the issue in the case of infidelity. So, in some ways, I totally get you and in others I still believe what I said. I'm not inviting you into my marriage to "tell me my business", just because he invited you for sleeping with him does not mean I think you have the right to insert yourself into my life with any such conversation.

You have very compartmentalized thinking. Almost like you think that by denying object permanency, an object only exists as long as you can see it. You should know that your husband is your husband even when he is not with you. When another woman touches him that is your business.