Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

This is an entirely different issue. He may or may not be a a decent father.

He's having sex with other women while his wife is pregnant. His kids don't appear to be a priority.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a sex addict and you need to leave him. In light of his addiction his visits with the children should be limited

I agree with the first statement. The second one makes no logical sense.

Anonymous wrote:I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

This is an entirely different issue. He may or may not be a a decent father.

I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you briefly mentioned a medical condition that prevents intercourse, not completely, but mostly. I think you and the posters in this thread are underestimating the importance of this in explaining what is going on with your husband. I am sorry to say it, because it's not your fault/choice and you are making a sincere effort to compensate.

But for this reason, I question the verdict of "sex addict" that some PPs have suggested.

What can you do? Dan Savage would suggest a consensual open relationship but it sounds like you don't want that, and I understand. Tough situation, sorry OP.

Dan Savage has some very good but tough advice in your situation. To basically paraphrase, your DH is not and will never be monogamous. Never. But if you are happy and can live with it, then accept it as the price of admission. In that case, either open the marriage ethically, or give him a don't ask don't tell. And stop snooping. If you can't handle either of those options, you need to break up.

Making him promise to be monogamous is pointless. It is a commitment he is incapable of keeping.

OP--The truth is, there are people who can make an "alternative" arrangement work and there are people who can't. Get the two of you to a good therapist, who works with non-traditional arrangements, asap. First, you guys need to work on healing from the hurt that has been caused by the intern situation. But after you move through that, you can work on figuring out what, if any, kind of non-traditional arrangement would work for you and your husband and your family. Good luck. People make all sorts of things work. And people take many, many paths to happiness.

Anonymous wrote:Don't leave while pregnant with twins. Wait until around age 2 or so, otherwise you're giving him the easy route and he might not bond otherwise to your kids.

I second this.

Also, if you do an open relationship, please request that he use condoms to protect you from STDs. Also, I'd request that he get a vasectomy. His focus should be on your kids, not any new ones.

Also, no one around you needs to know about the open relationship. He should be discrete.

No banging interns ever again!!! Even if you divorce, this is still an HR/financial liability.

Good luck and a big hug. Take care of yourself and create a good support system.

What happens when he is fired for banging the intern?! This is classic sexual harassment material to say the least.

NP here. OP, you briefly mentioned a medical condition that prevents intercourse, not completely, but mostly. I think you and the posters in this thread are underestimating the importance of this in explaining what is going on with your husband. I am sorry to say it, because it's not your fault/choice and you are making a sincere effort to compensate.

But for this reason, I question the verdict of "sex addict" that some PPs have suggested.

What can you do? Dan Savage would suggest a consensual open relationship but it sounds like you don't want that, and I understand. Tough situation, sorry OP.

Don't leave while pregnant with twins. Wait until around age 2 or so, otherwise you're giving him the easy route and he might not bond otherwise to your kids.

Leave him, do not tolerate this ... WTF? Why are you still with this asshole?

Anonymous wrote:An alpha male'a gonna do alpha male things.

An asshole's gonna do asshole things.

Fixed that for ya.

An alpha male'a gonna do alpha male things.

You should clearly define what your boundaries and expectations are at this time. If he agrees to them the. He needs help. You both need counseling regardless and at this point you need to take care of your physical and mental health for the sake of your children. You can't control his behavior or what he will and won't do, but you can and must figure out you. You're a mom and these two precious babies come first. They need to see a dad who loves and respects heir mom and a mom who loves and respects herself. Off that can't happen in the next several months before they arrive them he's gotta go.

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a sex addict.

This will be the rest of your life.

This. So either stop having sex or BJs with him at all and let him play or leave him.