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Anonymous wrote:I think it's almost impossible to advise b/c we don't know your kid or the schools or what the future will hold. But you may want to think about some things.

1. What would happen if for some reason, it didn't work out for your kid at the mainstream private? Where would he go?
2. Would transitioning to the mainstream private be an option in a few years?
3. Given commutes, tuition, etc. are you able to fit in whatever therapies/support your kid may need that he may not get during the day at the private?

Sometimes, kids react differently when the social and academic demands increase. So, it may be preferable to stick with the charter especially in the early years so you know those are needs are being met and supported.

This is good advice. We had to choose between a very well regarded private and a highly regarded charter and are so glad that we chose the charter. DS was not diagnosed until he was 4 and had we chosen the private school, we would have had to leave.

No behavioral or learning issues other than not engaging with other kids... That is until 2nd grade when we had a ton of behavioral issues. If we did not have the IEP, DS would have been expelled or suspended.

All behavioral issues were resolved within a few month with the IEP and DS will be entering 3rd grade at the same charter.

We will be looking at mainstream private schools for middle schools and beyond but am soooooo glad we chose the charter for elementary.

Mainstream private middle schools, in general, are terrible places for SN kids with behavioral issues. Middle school is just a tough time all around.

Yeah, middle school sucks. We are targeting a particular mainstream private school (not in this area) that is 6-9 grades all boys only middle school. Have backups of course if it does not work out.

He no longer has behavior issues.

But he might in the future, right? Did you know he was going to have behavior issues before this year?

The thing about the spectrum is that in many ways, it gets harder as kids get older. The social dynamics, especially the unwritten "rules" become more complicated and the social consequences for following them become greater. Kids have bigger emotions as they get older, especially as hormones play a bigger role. Kids are more aware of -- and potentially embarrassed by -- their emotions.

I'm not saying a mainstream private won't be right for you -- I don't know your kid, of course. But I wouldn't expect that all of his issues will be "solved" by middle school.

I am curious what middle school you would recommend for a kid with an FSIQ of 150+ without academic or behavioral issues with an ASD/ADHD diagnosis?

Start your own topic regarding your child. This has nothing to do with OP question or concerns.

No need to get all huffy. I am the same pp who had to choose between a main stream private and a charter when DS was starting school. DS like OP's kid has what we thought were "mild" SNs when he was little but as they get older, their profile gets more clear and one can better choose the schools that are a better fit.

But for nursery and elementary, choose public. Better supports in case your child needs it. Do private for middle or later.

Her child is not your child or my child so your choice or our choices may not be best for her child. Clearly you missed things early on with your child that OP is not. We did a small private and supplemented heavily with private therapy and its worked out great. We were told my child's needs were far more severe than they were and now at almost 6, he's catching up nicely. No academic concerns. It can go either way so OP should choose what she feels is best. For us, early supports and individual attention were far more important early on. You worry about middle school at middle school. Right now she needs to focus on the early years and small classes with more individual support are far better.

NP but this is unreasonably nasty for the SN board. A child's issues in elementary school can't necessarily have been cured or fixed by anything a parent did early on.

Thanks. But I did missed my child's issues as did the mainstream private school who accepted him for prek4 even after the required play date observation. Our pediatrician did not see anything either. He is "mild" SNs obviously. His charter is the one who suggested he may have issues and needed an eval and we are glad that we chose it over the private school for this and a whole slew of reasons.

I want to add that DH and I are both products of elite private schools, K-12, and beyond. DS is the first person in DH's family to ever attend a public school for any grade. Most people in our families would qualify for some type of diagnosis, ADHD and/or ASD, for which they never got supports or treatment while at school. They did very well academically but I want DS to have a better, happier, well rounded school experience and feel we got very lucky with our public charter.

Anonymous wrote:There are K-3 mainstream privates? I think it is an interesting idea to have a whole campus just for early elementary education. I wonder why more places don't do this.

There is one in DC, Beauvoir, which is a feeder for St. Albans and NCS. Lovely school and very nurturing but difficult to get in even if NT. tuition is 32k ? yr

NCRC is another private that is similar and has an inclusive program but if you have a child with known SNs, it is a different application process.

Anonymous wrote:There are K-3 mainstream privates? I think it is an interesting idea to have a whole campus just for early elementary education. I wonder why more places don't do this.

Yes, we are at one that is preschool-3. The problem is that a lot of kids leave for public at K, so the class size gets reduced by 2/3rd depending on the year. There is not a huge market for it. The families with the older kids in public usually pull those kids to go with the siblings so its the only children or the oldest who usually stay. Its really nice having the small class size for kids who need a bit of extra attention and support.

There are K-3 mainstream privates? I think it is an interesting idea to have a whole campus just for early elementary education. I wonder why more places don't do this.

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

A lot of children with IEPs can do advanced academic work.

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

Issues do not have to be academic. My 8 yr old never had academic issues.

Does he have friends at school? Does your child participate and is he fully engaged in the classroom? When there are group activities, is he a participant or is he off in a corner by himself?

Our public charter provides excellent supports for my kid's social communication issues which a private school won't since DS does great academically if they'll recognize his issues at all.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I wouldn't think about it as "missing" his issues. Whatever they are, they weren't really detectable until he reached a certain developmental stage and wasn't meeting the norm. Some kids do OK in early preschool, for example, blending in with all the other nutty 2 year olds, but then the other kids mature and they don't keep up at the same pace.

Thinking back though I did miss some signs but DS is an only child and I just did not know...

That's easy to do especially if teachers, doctors and others are also missing it too. We saw the signs early on, waited till two as the doctors instructed and got help - earlier help would not have made a difference. As long as you get the help, that is what is important.

Eh. I don't think this matters TBH. We know several families with older NT children (one with 3 older siblings and the 4th has SNs) and it is really hard sometimes to distinguish "normal" from "delayed" or other issues. There is such a huge range of normal especially in the 0-4 age range. Diagnosing kids is difficult even for developmental pediatricians and we're not professionals.

Anonymous wrote:So which mainstream privates in DC are open to providing supports? OP is obviously deciding between a DC charter and private school.

Since there are very few mainstream privates that will work with SN students, it will be very helpful if you can name them.

We are in Maryland, not DC so I doubt it is one we looked at.

OP, can you accept the charter since its free and have your child do a trial day at the private school and see how it goes at each. Our school had our child do a trial day and it went great - that way they knew they could handle it and we could see what our child thought - he did not want to leave when I came and got him. We also went back for a second longer visit to another school as well (he liked that one too but I preferred the one we choose even though both were fine). Its crummy to hold the spot from another child but given the situation, its a tuff choice to make.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I wouldn't think about it as "missing" his issues. Whatever they are, they weren't really detectable until he reached a certain developmental stage and wasn't meeting the norm. Some kids do OK in early preschool, for example, blending in with all the other nutty 2 year olds, but then the other kids mature and they don't keep up at the same pace.

Thinking back though I did miss some signs but DS is an only child and I just did not know...

That's easy to do especially if teachers, doctors and others are also missing it too. We saw the signs early on, waited till two as the doctors instructed and got help - earlier help would not have made a difference. As long as you get the help, that is what is important.

So which mainstream privates in DC are open to providing supports? OP is obviously deciding between a DC charter and private school.

Since there are very few mainstream privates that will work with SN students, it will be very helpful if you can name them.

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

We've had very bad experiences because of the autism label, so we are looking at it from that perspective. My child no longer qualifies for the label and it was clearly a misdiagnosis. I fully support IEPS, but because of other reasons, I'm exhausted and don't want to take on a battle we don't need to when we are easily served in a private school with private services (which for now are covered by insurance but they may be terminating soon given the progress and we will private pay). We understand future issues may come up as with many children but here and now, and just as we have for the past several years, we'll get all the help he needs and support him at home. We've, like many, have put a lot of time and money into it and are willing to do what ever it takes and is needed.

The point of this conversation is can a child with mild SN be successful at a private with outside supports and the answer is yes. If something more shows up in the future, you deal with it then.

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Anonymous wrote:I think it's almost impossible to advise b/c we don't know your kid or the schools or what the future will hold. But you may want to think about some things.

1. What would happen if for some reason, it didn't work out for your kid at the mainstream private? Where would he go?
2. Would transitioning to the mainstream private be an option in a few years?
3. Given commutes, tuition, etc. are you able to fit in whatever therapies/support your kid may need that he may not get during the day at the private?

Sometimes, kids react differently when the social and academic demands increase. So, it may be preferable to stick with the charter especially in the early years so you know those are needs are being met and supported.

This is good advice. We had to choose between a very well regarded private and a highly regarded charter and are so glad that we chose the charter. DS was not diagnosed until he was 4 and had we chosen the private school, we would have had to leave.

No behavioral or learning issues other than not engaging with other kids... That is until 2nd grade when we had a ton of behavioral issues. If we did not have the IEP, DS would have been expelled or suspended.

All behavioral issues were resolved within a few month with the IEP and DS will be entering 3rd grade at the same charter.

We will be looking at mainstream private schools for middle schools and beyond but am soooooo glad we chose the charter for elementary.

Mainstream private middle schools, in general, are terrible places for SN kids with behavioral issues. Middle school is just a tough time all around.

Yeah, middle school sucks. We are targeting a particular mainstream private school (not in this area) that is 6-9 grades all boys only middle school. Have backups of course if it does not work out.

He no longer has behavior issues.

But he might in the future, right? Did you know he was going to have behavior issues before this year?

The thing about the spectrum is that in many ways, it gets harder as kids get older. The social dynamics, especially the unwritten "rules" become more complicated and the social consequences for following them become greater. Kids have bigger emotions as they get older, especially as hormones play a bigger role. Kids are more aware of -- and potentially embarrassed by -- their emotions.

I'm not saying a mainstream private won't be right for you -- I don't know your kid, of course. But I wouldn't expect that all of his issues will be "solved" by middle school.

I am curious what middle school you would recommend for a kid with an FSIQ of 150+ without academic or behavioral issues with an ASD/ADHD diagnosis?

Start your own topic regarding your child. This has nothing to do with OP question or concerns.

No need to get all huffy. I am the same pp who had to choose between a main stream private and a charter when DS was starting school. DS like OP's kid has what we thought were "mild" SNs when he was little but as they get older, their profile gets more clear and one can better choose the schools that are a better fit.

But for nursery and elementary, choose public. Better supports in case your child needs it. Do private for middle or later.

Her child is not your child or my child so your choice or our choices may not be best for her child. Clearly you missed things early on with your child that OP is not. We did a small private and supplemented heavily with private therapy and its worked out great. We were told my child's needs were far more severe than they were and now at almost 6, he's catching up nicely. No academic concerns. It can go either way so OP should choose what she feels is best. For us, early supports and individual attention were far more important early on. You worry about middle school at middle school. Right now she needs to focus on the early years and small classes with more individual support are far better.

NP but this is unreasonably nasty for the SN board. A child's issues in elementary school can't necessarily have been cured or fixed by anything a parent did early on.

Not at all trying to be nasty but lots of parents miss things, dismiss things or just hope it resolves itself vs. spending the time and money on early intervention. And, teachers, pediatricians and others often minimize things as well (we had that happen - we had to push to get our child help and private pay before anyone else recognized it). I know several kids who would benefits from speech and other help - I'm not saying anything as they are involved parents and the kids will probably outgrow it but a few speech sessions would be helpful.

The goal of early intervention should not be to fix or cure, as many things are not curable but to give the kids tools to cope or work around the concerns they have so they are better able to handle things later on. For our child, I can see the benefits of early intervention. If we didn't get it, would he be ok? Probably but we'll never know because we choose to do it.

But, the point of the thread is can children's needs be met at a private school when they have delays or are they better off in public. Most privates are not equipped or interested as most of us know. But, there are a few depending on the needs that are open to it. If there are no behavioral problems, that helps a lot.

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I wouldn't think about it as "missing" his issues. Whatever they are, they weren't really detectable until he reached a certain developmental stage and wasn't meeting the norm. Some kids do OK in early preschool, for example, blending in with all the other nutty 2 year olds, but then the other kids mature and they don't keep up at the same pace.

Thinking back though I did miss some signs but DS is an only child and I just did not know...