Anonymous wrote:I was 46 years old when I was told that my "father" was not my biological father. Apparently my biological father didn't want to have anything to do with my mother and/or with me. My true-life situation sounds very much like your hypothetical one. I am furious that no one told me earlier. I haven't had any serious health issues, but that's not to say I never will. I am ignorant of 50% of my genetic makeup. I also have 3 children to consider. I can't tell them anything about their paternal linage.

Lots of people don't have this information so if this is your biggest reason as to why you are mad, it's silly and a trumped up reason.

I would like to know.. (maybe)
but if I knew I would like to keep it a secret from my siblings. They don't need to know. It will be a secret mom, dad and I to have..

I vote no, don't tell. If a compelling reason to do otherwise comes up someday, then you can reevaluate, but in the meantime I don't think that "just because" trumps the privacy you and your husband chose to have as a couple.

In this age of information, I think we are so used to being able to know things that "could know" is made to feel like "should know." Medical issues can come up for anyone - as long as the child has been raised to have regular checkups then issues (inherited or otherwise) will be managed as well as can be.

I was 46 years old when I was told that my "father" was not my biological father. Apparently my biological father didn't want to have anything to do with my mother and/or with me. My true-life situation sounds very much like your hypothetical one. I am furious that no one told me earlier. I haven't had any serious health issues, but that's not to say I never will. I am ignorant of 50% of my genetic makeup. I also have 3 children to consider. I can't tell them anything about their paternal linage.

Yes, but agree with talk to a therapist about how to break the news.

Yes, I'd want to know.

I would NOT want to know. Rembering my father and mother, and relationship I had with them, this info would crush me.

I don't think "would you want to know as the kid" is the right question. The question is "As the parent, should you tell your daughter."

Yes, you should, because better she hears it from you. You can tell her that it doesn't affect how much her father loves her but that you felt she had the right to know the truth.

You can tell yourself your daughter won't find out, but I'd say it's between possible and likely that she eventually will. Maybe she looks different from her siblings. Maybe she has always sensed there was something about her birth that her parents weren't telling her. Maybe she will find an old photo album or letters or meet another family member or old family friend who will let it slip. Maybe she will get genetic testing when she's trying to get pregnant in 15 years and will find out then. You just don't know. So, tell her now. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, although if she does react by wanting to know about her bio dad you should support her in that too.

I have a friend who knows full well that her dad isn't biologically related to her, yet still is concerned about his depression/schizophrenia being some sort of risk factor for her. Babe, those things are not rubbing off on you in some way. I don't get it.

That said, she knew her whole life that her bio dad was basically a sperm donor and her dad that raised her adopted her when she was quite young (like 1.5?). I just don't get why people are keeping secrets. Of course, in her case, there were older step siblings so not easy to keep the secret there.

I'd want to know. You can't be sure that the truth won't come out, and so I'd rather just know and not have the secret revealed after my parents' generation was gone.

How old are the siblings? Once the cat is out of the bag, they're likely to find out and I would want to make sure they are mature enough for this news.

OP, you chose a good guy there. As a woman who didn't choose well, it's nice to know they exist.

I agree with above PP. I would not want to know. The only point in telling would be to upset the delicate balance that is the family. The dynamic would forever be changed.

I wouldn't want to know. Why does it matter who the sperm donor was? The father is the father in all the ways that count.

Anonymous wrote:I have two half-sisters. We all have different fathers. I don't know who my real father is and my mother won't tell me! This is one of the main reasons that I cut off all communications with her. She has mental issues that she complicates by drinking.

I'm not the OP. Just sharing my story with others.

I wouldn't want to know to much stress to trying to search for him and all the strain it would put on me.