Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

I am 10 years older than my half siblings. We have always referred to each other as brothers and sisters. So weird not to! It's simple but you've made it complicated. Larla- your sister Petunia has a different mommy- but you share the same daddy.

+2.

My two kids have older half-siblings and they’ve always been their brothers. Not “half”. My kids were never confused by it.

My mom always described my older half-sisters to me and to other people with the emphasis on the half. I appreciate the PPs here who say just call them brother or sister. Even if I didn’t see how manipulative it was until I was older, my mom’s very deliberate use of half rubbed me the wrong way from age 3-4 and made me feel awful. It definitely added to the distance between me and my sisters, because whenever we acted like normal siblings, my mom would swoop in with her half nonsense and do things to our more distance between us.

If you’re going to start a second family and drag innocent kids into it, keep the half nitpicking to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

That’s a loss for everyone involved.

^^When Sally came to pick me up at school, "half-sister" warded off a lot of the "oh, no, she's your aunt" or "you don't mean that, isn't she some kind of cousin?" And the times we gathered at my father's side in the ICU, when he had a heart attack and then a series of strokes.

I was just a kid. I loved her, and she loved me. God knows I didn't need the lectures and guilt trips. It was hard enough.

Anonymous wrote:I have found that the person that gets hung up on 'half' is usually the insecure one with the problem. Brother/Sister is easy for any kid to understand. And can always be clarified with 'Oh, my brother lives with his mom during the week.' That is plenty common.

- Big sister with a little sister 20+ years younger.

My family always used "half" because it was less confusing. Nobody was "hung up" on it at all; they were just being practical. However, I've had the recurrent admonishment that calling my siblings through my father as my "half-sister" and "half-brother" was somehow wrong, or churlish of me. People really loved to lay that one on me.

Of course, when they realized that my father had me when he was 65 and my sister when he was 20, it may have made more sense. She was 45 when I was born. I already had a 19 year old nephew on my first day of life.

"Half" was just practical in untangling that complexity. We all loved each other the same. A rose is a rose is a rose.

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

I am 10 years older than my half siblings. We have always referred to each other as brothers and sisters. So weird not to! It's simple but you've made it complicated. Larla- your sister Petunia has a different mommy- but you share the same daddy.

WTH? You are making this unnecessarily complicated. The older kids are siblings too, they just have a different mom and most of the time they live with her. You explain this the same way you explain some families have two
Moms, others two Dads, others only one, others are raised by grandparents...etc.

Help!
My partner and I have 2 children - one age 4 and one age 2. My partner has a son who is 13 and lives 4 hours away. Unfortunately, due to messages in his ear and the block on communication, we’ve really struggled to speak to him. He has has seen the 4 year old once when she was 10 months old but nothing since. Today, we spoke on FaceTime for the first time in 2 years and it was lovely and just like normal. He didn’t mention his sisters and we didn’t either. He wants to come up and see us all - which would be amazing - but we don’t know how to navigate the half brother situation with him and with the girls (4 and 2)! Help!

This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your toddler should have known from the beginning. And, your poor stepchildren too.

I find it curious that your DD has had these boys in her life for nearly 3 years, spending time with them in your home and other family occasions, and you have never referred to them as her brothers. How did you even manage to skip that reference for nearly 3 years? Haven't other family members referred to them as her brothers? How have you gotten around that? But more importantly, why would you want to?

It may be uncomfortable for you that your DD has two brothers, the sons of your DH with another woman. I get that. And yes, they are technically your DD's half brothers. But that truly is a technicality that would be lost on children until an older age. And frankly, it's a technicality that does not need to be discussed in depth. Your DD has two brothers, and she is fortunate to have siblings because not all children do. I would definitely start referring to these boys as her brothers. And I cannot help but think that they have noticed your omission. But most importantly, the fact that your DH has not always called these boys her brothers is disturbing, if only for the fact that it may make the boys feel bad.

OP, have you been reading? What are your thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one benefit of clarifying "half" is when children have different rules. My stepkids are allowed to watch tv all day, don't need to eat veggies, etc and can do other things my DS isn't allowed to do. And the reason is because they have a different mother, live in a different house, and have different rules. (Though we try as hard as we can to enforce our house rules but are only mildly successful - can't cram fruits and veggies down a teenager's throat.)

It sounds like the reason why your the older kids have different rules at your house is because they are teenagers.

not just that but different ethnicity, religion and expectations academically among other things.

Careful OP, your ass is showing.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you don't acknowledge them as her brothers? I predict lots of couch time for those poor boys who look different from your REAL daughter and whom you purposely exclude from family dynamics. You sound like a fabulous step-mother

+1000000

It kills me that people tolerate spouses that barely tolerate their kids. Awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one benefit of clarifying "half" is when children have different rules. My stepkids are allowed to watch tv all day, don't need to eat veggies, etc and can do other things my DS isn't allowed to do. And the reason is because they have a different mother, live in a different house, and have different rules. (Though we try as hard as we can to enforce our house rules but are only mildly successful - can't cram fruits and veggies down a teenager's throat.)

It sounds like the reason why your the older kids have different rules at your house is because they are teenagers.

not just that but different ethnicity, religion and expectations academically among other things.

I can't believe I just saw this. Let me get this straight. You have higher academic expectations for your TODDLER than for your stepsons. You refuse to acknowledge that they are siblings to your superior child, who is being raised with higher standards in every way than these other boys. You sound like a real piece of work. I hate that women like you marry men with children and then treat the step kids like crap.

I don't think the original quoted person here is the OP of the thread.

Anonymous wrote:I have found that the person that gets hung up on 'half' is usually the insecure one with the problem. Brother/Sister is easy for any kid to understand. And can always be clarified with 'Oh, my brother lives with his mom during the week.' That is plenty common.

- Big sister with a little sister 20+ years younger.

This X1000.

Stepmom to a wonderful teenage SD who loves her little brother (my son) and refers to him as such.