Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

Actually, reproductive doctors don't check like adoption agencies. They don't check marriage records at the court or preform home site visits.

But they do want your insurance information, and your previous medical records, especially if OP had previous fertility workups or treatments. This would show that OP was married. Or should OP try to lie about her medical history and insurance, too?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he consider donor sperm or adoption? What about adopting an embryo you could carry (assuming you could)? I found out I couldn't have biological children or a pregnancy when I was in my mid-20s, and infertility is an ugly road. I'm sorry, OP.

Her issue is MFI and she is 37, so her eggs and ability to carry a baby are not at issue at this point. What IS at issue is that her husband has done all of the ART he is willing to do and is not open to adoption, and OP is not ready to close the door on being a parent.

This is not an either/or situation OP. You want to keep trying for a family and he is content with the efforts you have made already. I think that you should leave the marriage and go about creating the family you want, in whatever way works best for you. Good luck.

She can still create that family while being married. She does not have to leave.
Also OP, if you leave you would be twice divorced, that is a red flag.
Just get a sperm donor.

I can't imagine getting a sperm donor behind DH's back. That's a guarantee I'll be twice divorced. But my wanting a child will probably leave me twice divorced anyway. Being kind and kind of cute does not outweigh a 2x divorced single mom...red flags all over.

she can get the other relationship later, she can't wait on the child thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're infertile, have tried multiple rounds of IVF, and husband does not want donor sperm or adoption. I'm 37 and feel like I'm at an impasse. We married with the expectation and understanding that we'd have kids together. But given the infertility and refusal to seek other ways to have kids, would it be crazy to get divorced? I'm just not sure I can see my future with my husband w/o kids, but he's perfectly happy with just the two of us.

OP, how long have you been married? It does not sound like you and DH has bonded as a couple. Because fertility treatments or adoptions are natural route after couples find that they are infertile. The fact that DH is not willing to cooperate and you are already thinking divorce, I think it's best not to begin family until you work out the other marriage issues.

She does knothole time for all that!

There are some really fucked up people in this workd and in this thread. Do NOT go and inseminate yourself with donor sperm behind your husband's back. That is dirty and underhanded and wrong. And your child will pay if your husband finds out. Why create a mess and drama unnecessarily?

I would get the sperm donor, and tell DH once you have a confirmed pregnancy. Make it clear he can stay or go, you won't seek child support. Your body, your choice.

Anonymous wrote:We're infertile, have tried multiple rounds of IVF, and husband does not want donor sperm or adoption. I'm 37 and feel like I'm at an impasse. We married with the expectation and understanding that we'd have kids together. But given the infertility and refusal to seek other ways to have kids, would it be crazy to get divorced? I'm just not sure I can see my future with my husband w/o kids, but he's perfectly happy with just the two of us.

OP, how long have you been married? It does not sound like you and DH has bonded as a couple. Because fertility treatments or adoptions are natural route after couples find that they are infertile. The fact that DH is not willing to cooperate and you are already thinking divorce, I think it's best not to begin family until you work out the other marriage issues.

how about ask your husband if you can adopt or sperm donor if having a child is a must for you & in case of divorce, you will take care of the child yourself. You husband will not have to take care of the child ever. He can leave you & your child whenever he can not handle the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he consider donor sperm or adoption? What about adopting an embryo you could carry (assuming you could)? I found out I couldn't have biological children or a pregnancy when I was in my mid-20s, and infertility is an ugly road. I'm sorry, OP.

Her issue is MFI and she is 37, so her eggs and ability to carry a baby are not at issue at this point. What IS at issue is that her husband has done all of the ART he is willing to do and is not open to adoption, and OP is not ready to close the door on being a parent.

This is not an either/or situation OP. You want to keep trying for a family and he is content with the efforts you have made already. I think that you should leave the marriage and go about creating the family you want, in whatever way works best for you. Good luck.

She can still create that family while being married. She does not have to leave.
Also OP, if you leave you would be twice divorced, that is a red flag.
Just get a sperm donor.

I can't imagine getting a sperm donor behind DH's back. That's a guarantee I'll be twice divorced. But my wanting a child will probably leave me twice divorced anyway. Being kind and kind of cute does not outweigh a 2x divorced single mom...red flags all over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

Actually, reproductive doctors don't check like adoption agencies. They don't check marriage records at the court or preform home site visits.

Yea, and it is in OPs best interest to go somewhere far from here, take off her wedding ring and say as little as possible. It should be a cash transaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he consider donor sperm or adoption? What about adopting an embryo you could carry (assuming you could)? I found out I couldn't have biological children or a pregnancy when I was in my mid-20s, and infertility is an ugly road. I'm sorry, OP.

Her issue is MFI and she is 37, so her eggs and ability to carry a baby are not at issue at this point. What IS at issue is that her husband has done all of the ART he is willing to do and is not open to adoption, and OP is not ready to close the door on being a parent.

This is not an either/or situation OP. You want to keep trying for a family and he is content with the efforts you have made already. I think that you should leave the marriage and go about creating the family you want, in whatever way works best for you. Good luck.

She can still create that family while being married. She does not have to leave.
Also OP, if you leave you would be twice divorced, that is a red flag.
Just get a sperm donor.

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he consider donor sperm or adoption? What about adopting an embryo you could carry (assuming you could)? I found out I couldn't have biological children or a pregnancy when I was in my mid-20s, and infertility is an ugly road. I'm sorry, OP.

Her issue is MFI and she is 37, so her eggs and ability to carry a baby are not at issue at this point. What IS at issue is that her husband has done all of the ART he is willing to do and is not open to adoption, and OP is not ready to close the door on being a parent.

This is not an either/or situation OP. You want to keep trying for a family and he is content with the efforts you have made already. I think that you should leave the marriage and go about creating the family you want, in whatever way works best for you. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

Actually, reproductive doctors don't check like adoption agencies. They don't check marriage records at the court or preform home site visits.

Why won't he consider donor sperm or adoption? What about adopting an embryo you could carry (assuming you could)? I found out I couldn't have biological children or a pregnancy when I was in my mid-20s, and infertility is an ugly road. I'm sorry, OP.

Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

How about this? Maybe a little out there, but...

Freeze some eggs now.
Also, use some donor sperm to create some embryos now that may be frozen.
This buys you time and preserves the opportunity that you may, in the next few years or so, work through things, possibly divorce, possibly find a new spouse.