Anonymous wrote:Note that Mary is the only one who doesn't have a problem with any of this. Everyone is talking around her, and in the original post, the problem is presented as: "It's about to turn into WW3 here b/c DH is mad that Mary was excluded from the kids' performance." It's DH's issue.

Mary is fine being single, not being mobile, not showing up to events. MIL and DH are trying to fix her to do what they want her to do in life by making others mobilize around her to complete these actions. By putting the onus on others, it cripples Mary for having an interest in, or cultivating these skills for herself.

Everyone else is trying to fight her fights for her. How about everyone agrees to not see labia where there is only pubes?

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a younger sister and she is treated like the baby. She's 43! For a long time my DH took anything I said as an insult to his sister and his family. Doesn't matter what she did, untouchable. (Unhealthy, I know) It wasn't until our baby became a target, then his eyes opened. Now he has nothing to do with her.

No advice, but I can relate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry - sent too quickly - i'd love to remind DH of that and point out that her lack of politeness and social niceness is costing her.

Soooo.... why don't you?

I'm sorry, but this is just so bizarre. You need to tell your MIL that you are not going to get involved in Mary's love life or lack thereof. You need to tell your husband that the only responsibility your brothers have to Mary is to be friendly and polite to her when they see her at a mutual family event. THAT'S IT. They don't need to be friends with her or invite her places or drive her around. Your IL's expectations are VERY WEIRD. I think some serious boundary setting needs to happen.

(Not OP) because then it makes the argument about Mary, when the argument should be what OP is and is not responsible for. Even if Mary had the best social manners, it's still not OP's responsibility to make sure she has a ride and a boyfriend.

Leave OP's manners out of this. It will backfire on you if you bring it up.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - she was aware of the performance; i did not call and explicitly invite her or my brothers or anyone else.

she is DH's younger sister, She is super pampered and babied by her whole family - she has a graduate degree, earns good money, lives in a good city in a really nice place. She has lots of disposable income. yet my MIl calls me to say "why haven;t you found her a nice boy? i don;t know why you don't ask your friends to include her more?" then i'll group email Mary with a friend of two and introduce them and SIL never. follows. up.

She's just chronically unhappy and very insecure.

and their family dynamic surrounding her is messed up.

i'd LOVE to just point out to DH just ONCE that my brothers bend over backwards to include her in everything and have driven her down before and she has never, ever, even once invited them out, sent flowers, brought a hostess gift, or thanked them in any way at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry - sent too quickly - i'd love to remind DH of that and point out that her lack of politeness and social niceness is costing her.

Soooo.... why don't you?

I'm sorry, but this is just so bizarre. You need to tell your MIL that you are not going to get involved in Mary's love life or lack thereof. You need to tell your husband that the only responsibility your brothers have to Mary is to be friendly and polite to her when they see her at a mutual family event. THAT'S IT. They don't need to be friends with her or invite her places or drive her around. Your IL's expectations are VERY WEIRD. I think some serious boundary setting needs to happen.