Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the abortion OP?

We had only been dating a few months, had not discussed children, marriage, or even moving in together at that point; and ultimately i wasn't ready personally for motherhood at that time.
I mentioned the abortion because it;s something that brought us together and accelerated our relationship; made us realize how important we were together having been through such a difficult time and that maybe we did want children someday.

Before people start cutting the OP up for this, I was in a slightly similar situation. We'd been together longer than the OP and her boyfriend, but the experience of getting pregnant by accident and deciding (together) to end the pregnancy (for pretty much the same reasons as the OP, only I have a child from a previous marriage and like being a mom so the "not ready for motherhood" wasn't one of our reasons) ended up being a really strengthening experience for our relationship. During that month, I learned that now-DH and I are on the same page about priorities and that he is 100% supportive and reliable in a crisis (my ex was basically the opposite of reliable in a crisis). It really clarified for us the way we wanted our relationship to be, and we started taking steps to get to that place.

However, in the OP's case, it doesn't sound like that happened. OP, your boyfriend does not interact with you like a mature person able to be in an adult relationship. If you are invested in this relationship, which I do not believe you should feel obligated to be, please insist that you and your BF go see a couples counselor to learn how to communicate. You need to learn how to have disagreement without conflict.

Any relationship that requires professional counseling this early on is doomed. Sorry, but these should be the easiest and very best of times. If you can't properly relate as young singles, then sorry, it's not going to work.

I think PP at 14:30 is dead on correct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the abortion OP?

We had only been dating a few months, had not discussed children, marriage, or even moving in together at that point; and ultimately i wasn't ready personally for motherhood at that time.
I mentioned the abortion because it;s something that brought us together and accelerated our relationship; made us realize how important we were together having been through such a difficult time and that maybe we did want children someday.

Before people start cutting the OP up for this, I was in a slightly similar situation. We'd been together longer than the OP and her boyfriend, but the experience of getting pregnant by accident and deciding (together) to end the pregnancy (for pretty much the same reasons as the OP, only I have a child from a previous marriage and like being a mom so the "not ready for motherhood" wasn't one of our reasons) ended up being a really strengthening experience for our relationship. During that month, I learned that now-DH and I are on the same page about priorities and that he is 100% supportive and reliable in a crisis (my ex was basically the opposite of reliable in a crisis). It really clarified for us the way we wanted our relationship to be, and we started taking steps to get to that place.

However, in the OP's case, it doesn't sound like that happened. OP, your boyfriend does not interact with you like a mature person able to be in an adult relationship. If you are invested in this relationship, which I do not believe you should feel obligated to be, please insist that you and your BF go see a couples counselor to learn how to communicate. You need to learn how to have disagreement without conflict.

1) Get out now
2) Do not date and instead take time to fix yourself, address your issues, and mature
3) Once you re-enter the dating scene, make good choices up front about the men you date;
4) Use reliable and consistent birth control; and
5) DO NOT MOVE IN WITH ANOTHER MAN until and unless you are engaged with a wedding date set.

Do these things and you will put the odds in your favor; ignore them and you'll be posting about your miserable life on DCUM or sites like it for a long time to come.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many boyfriends have you lived with?

2. I moved into my own apartment when I was 22, I had been dating a guy for two years who I really cared about. I met his family, he seemed great. He traveled to the school we both attended and I ended up letting him move in with me. I made more money than him so I paid more and let him pay utilities. This was fine for a year. He started spending money on expensive shoes, clothes (and now his clothes caused a problem in this relationship), and drugs. I didn't understand why, if he had money, wouldn't offer to help with rent. He made pot brownies for my brothers, and myself (an attempt at bonding with them?) and they both had panic attacks and wanted to go to the hospital, but didn't want to call because he could get into trouble. I understood that, but I made it clear my family is more important than the threat of jail. He did not like that. I brought them to the hospital. He didn't get in trouble, but it changed my perspective on him. We eventually broke up, and I had him take his things out. We remained in contact but I eventually met my current boyfriend and moved on.

OP. Stop living with your boyfriends. That is all.

And his age?

He turns 28 in September.

25 and already on your second live-in boyfriend? Time to get your life together.

Anonymous wrote:How many boyfriends have you lived with?

2. I moved into my own apartment when I was 22, I had been dating a guy for two years who I really cared about. I met his family, he seemed great. He traveled to the school we both attended and I ended up letting him move in with me. I made more money than him so I paid more and let him pay utilities. This was fine for a year. He started spending money on expensive shoes, clothes (and now his clothes caused a problem in this relationship), and drugs. I didn't understand why, if he had money, wouldn't offer to help with rent. He made pot brownies for my brothers, and myself (an attempt at bonding with them?) and they both had panic attacks and wanted to go to the hospital, but didn't want to call because he could get into trouble. I understood that, but I made it clear my family is more important than the threat of jail. He did not like that. I brought them to the hospital. He didn't get in trouble, but it changed my perspective on him. We eventually broke up, and I had him take his things out. We remained in contact but I eventually met my current boyfriend and moved on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

25.

You're 25, you're on at least your second live-in boyfriend, the latest is this dysfunctional? OP, after you break up with him, please get yourself some counseling, because you don't seem like you're in a healthy place with respect to your relationships and what you choose to accept.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

25.

And his age?

How many boyfriends have you lived with?

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

25.

How old are you OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the abortion OP?

Not OP, and I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to take a wild guess that she was pregnant and no longer wanted to be.

Such genius. Didn't see why the reasons for my abortion were relevant. Thank you..
OP

Anonymous wrote:This is why

1) You pick better mates
2) You wait long enough for these type of issues to arise and subside BEFORE moving in with him
3) You don't get a cat and dog with a boyfriend
4) See #1

+1. And I'll add that you don't move in with someone until you're actually engaged. Not for moral reasons, but because once you're living with someone it becomes a crutch to stay in a bad relationship because it's too complicated to leave. Just like OP is describing.

Anonymous wrote:Why the abortion OP?

We had only been dating a few months, had not discussed children, marriage, or even moving in together at that point; and ultimately i wasn't ready personally for motherhood at that time.
I mentioned the abortion because it;s something that brought us together and accelerated our relationship; made us realize how important we were together having been through such a difficult time and that maybe we did want children someday.