Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

OP here. Making friends and going out are very important to me! I long to feel a sense of community here. Currently I feel like we have zero sense of community. We have no local family so community and friends is very important to us, especially since we've decided to put down roots here.

I love going out. It refreshes me after a long day being a SAHM. I get so bored of the daily grind, going out and socializing with other ladies helps me feel refreshed. I would ideally like to go out twice a week, once during the week and some time on the weekend. My husband is more than happy to be with our son while I'm out because he has his own hobbies that he spends time on too.

I plan a number of ladies only events for some of the moms groups I'm in and no one ever goes. These include dinners out, brunch, pottery painting, movie night, yoga class, mini golf, walks in the park. I plan a variety of events and no one ever RSVPs. No one ever invites me to do anything either. What am I doing wrong?

How many threads have you started about this?
What you are doing wrong, since you asked....is that you see, so desperate.
Let things happen naturally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

Why is it not important to you? Do you think your lack of desire for friends is normal while the OP is somehow wrong? If so, you might want to reconsider.

OP is placing way too much emphasis on this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

let me turn it on you- why is it NOT important to you to make friends? you sound bizarre.

Because I have enough friends, they are an hour away in my old town.
I talk on the phone to my old friends, that's enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll ask this question. What is wrong with you ? What is wrong with your husband ?

I could go outside right now and make friends with 4 maybe more people on my street if I wanted to. Why ? Because I'm open to being friendly. People stop me in the store, parking lots, ask me for directions or help, talk to me while standing in line at the store, post office. Not once have I ever approached anyone, they approach me.

You give off unfriendly vibes. Both you and your husband. Figure out why and try to change it then you'll have friends galore.

Why? Why, you ask? Answer: because you don't live in Washington.

If I had to guess, I'd guess Wisconsin, Illinois, or Florida. I guarantee you're not writing from 20816 and sashaying down your street like a goddamn pied piper with all the neighbors pouring out their front doors to join you and bask in your awesome friendly halo.

It doesn't work like that here, where OP is writing from.

I'm still laughing at this most excellent sentence 16+ hours after first reading it. Thanks for the laugh PP!

+100000

Same with 22101! Times a hundred million!

Thanks for the laugh, PP - so very, very true. Sadly.

OP, I tend to gravitate toward people who are not from this area. They tend to "get it" more, and are not as absorbed in wallowing in self pity, about how their life is allegedly "so difficult" and why can't it be more like the MILF next door: "Come to think of it, why don't we try to drive her out of town - YEEEEAHHHHH! THAT will make us happy!!!!" Guess what? It does not. Some people will never, ever be happy, OP.

Find people who think and (more importantly) act most like you. Surround yourself with positive. Surround yourself with people who are excellent time managers, and don't let the bastards get them down.

You will find it, OP. I know it first hand.

Do you have friends from childhood or other areas? Maybe you can take an annual trip somewhere fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time.

OP here. Well, we have been married a really long time, so we've gotten used to doing our own thing some of the time. Husband has a few sports leagues he is in that he does on the weekends, and I like to go out and socialize with female friends. We each give each other a few nights off each week so that we can do what we want while the other stays home with our child. We don't have any local family to watch our child, and we haven't found a babysitter yet, so we haven't been able to go out and do date nights, which is okay, but I still love to go out and want to go out with female friends. Only I can't find anyone who wants to go out.

I guess I feel like most moms aren't fun. It's like pulling teeth to try to arrange a simple lunch date with another mom.

I think it depends on where you live. We lived in a NoVA suburb and had lots of trouble meting anyone or making friends. I think the long commutes killed people's desires to do anything outside the home, particularly after work. Moved back into the city and seem to be having an easier time. I'm always looking for new friends that are cool with going out for drinks. I feel like I often tend to meet non-drinkers and I love a good glass of wine.

Agree and good point

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mom, and honestly I have no interest in going out with other moms. I work long hours with a demanding job, tons to do at home, and my down time I'd like to spend with DH and DS. We have friends we socialize with. I really don't need a 'moms' group.

Because it's good to have your own identity and have your own group of friends or interests removed from your husband and child? I hate when women only talk in "we" and "our"

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

let me turn it on you- why is it NOT important to you to make friends? you sound bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to do things on nights/weekends without kids, why not also look for friends who aren't necessarily moms?

-woman without children around your age, who would love to make new friends who actually want to hang out without their kids sometimes

+1!

OP, what do you like to do? You might have better luck if you approach this from a common interest other than kids. Do you like to exercise? Knit? Something else you could take a class in? I had zero luck making friends via a moms' club but made a handful through an exercise class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll ask this question. What is wrong with you ? What is wrong with your husband ?

I could go outside right now and make friends with 4 maybe more people on my street if I wanted to. Why ? Because I'm open to being friendly. People stop me in the store, parking lots, ask me for directions or help, talk to me while standing in line at the store, post office. Not once have I ever approached anyone, they approach me.

You give off unfriendly vibes. Both you and your husband. Figure out why and try to change it then you'll have friends galore.

Why? Why, you ask? Answer: because you don't live in Washington.

If I had to guess, I'd guess Wisconsin, Illinois, or Florida. I guarantee you're not writing from 20816 and sashaying down your street like a goddamn pied piper with all the neighbors pouring out their front doors to join you and bask in your awesome friendly halo.

It doesn't work like that here, where OP is writing from.

I'm still laughing at this most excellent sentence 16+ hours after first reading it. Thanks for the laugh PP!

Anonymous wrote:Been here almost 10 years, can't find other moms who want to go out either. People are boring.

I'm dying to find female friends, moms or not, to hang with!

I'm game OP! Name the place and day.

So, you go out by yourself for social activities with other moms three or four times a month. Honestly, I wouldn't want to go out more than that. On weeknights, I get home, make dinner, play with kid, do bedtime routine, and then I have about two hours of free time to get things done or hang out with my husband. On weekends, I like to spend time with my kid. I'd be much more likely to get together with another family and hang out. If I get a sitter, it's so my husband and I can have some time together without the kid and maintain our relationship.

But really, it's just hard to make real friends. I probably have about three real friends in this area, and that feels like a lot to me. Real friendships take time and effort to build and nurture, and having a lot of them can be too much if you have a lot on your plate. If I meet someone I really click with, that's one thing, but I'm not in constant search of more friends. I'd rather invest my energy in the friendships I have and keep them strong. Also, making friends as an adult is just harder. The good news is that when your kid starts school, you have a new pool of potential friends that you might hit it off with.

I've made most of my mom friends through my child's school or through work. I'm pretty introverted and have about 5 good friends I have made this way and that I regularly do activities with. Could you get a job? Even part time? I think that would help. There are downsides to being a SAHM which is the regular adult interaction. Of course you get more time with your child but it sounds like you want more than that.