Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.

If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.

Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.

How old is your kid? I hope you're saving for therapy because he or she can likely tell you're not into parenting and will need counseling down the line.

So I guess all the kids with dads who work full time who let the mom be the main parent should start saving for therapy. There's going to need to be a lot of therapists in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.

If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.

Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.

How old is your kid? I hope you're saving for therapy because he or she can likely tell you're not into parenting and will need counseling down the line.

This is very confusing. Of course I like wine and good food and movies. I also like my kids. You remind me of children who think they can only have ONE best friend. You can like all these things- it's okay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find odd about this line of thinking is that we are all hopefully going to live 70+ years. Kids are going to be the primary focus for maybe 20 years if have more than one? By 15 or 16, they have their own lives. Yes they still need you, but they are becoming their own people.

I just think it's very dangerous to set kids up as the be all and end all out of a life that long. We, as women, have to have our own identities and interests. I actually think this is critical to having good adult relationships with kids.

I don't think men have these conversations.

Please marry me and we'll bask in the glow of your mature, sensible perspective well into our 90s.

I'm actually happily married to a lovely man and we are blessed with a 'tween who ignores us in favor of her much more interesting friends. When she emerges from her social world and talks to us, she's very interested in our careers and interests as we're interested in her life.

I look forward to this! We have three DC under six and we appreciate who they are now bit it's still exhausting and nonstop.

I'm very impressed that you can manage three so young and still form coherent sentences. : )

I have an only so I don't know if this observation applies to siblings or only to friends, but some time around age 7 it became easier to have two around than one. They want to be with their own kind and when they have that opportunity they are happy to have parents on the periphery but they're more into their own thing.

I LOVE watching my adolescent explore the next phases of her life, including her social circle, her interests, and her aspirations for the future. It would be very interesting, I think, to see this happen with siblings, but we didn't go that route.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find odd about this line of thinking is that we are all hopefully going to live 70+ years. Kids are going to be the primary focus for maybe 20 years if have more than one? By 15 or 16, they have their own lives. Yes they still need you, but they are becoming their own people.

I just think it's very dangerous to set kids up as the be all and end all out of a life that long. We, as women, have to have our own identities and interests. I actually think this is critical to having good adult relationships with kids.

I don't think men have these conversations.

Please marry me and we'll bask in the glow of your mature, sensible perspective well into our 90s.

I'm actually happily married to a lovely man and we are blessed with a 'tween who ignores us in favor of her much more interesting friends. When she emerges from her social world and talks to us, she's very interested in our careers and interests as we're interested in her life.

I look forward to this! We have three DC under six and we appreciate who they are now bit it's still exhausting and nonstop.

I love doing things with my kids - going to movies, museums, trips, reading books together...

We don't sit in a room and stare at each other all day long. Of course we do things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.

If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.

Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.

Thanks for answering and I can understand why you made that choice. Any regrets?

Well the kids are only two and three so hard to say long term. One of them is "special needs" but aside from that they're both pretty easy overall when I compare them to other kids their age. I'm trying to make them into people I can enjoy spending time with as they get older.

My child is the best thing in the world. So. There's that.

Anonymous wrote:I love my child, of course, but love a lot of things... my parents, my friends, traveling, a nice glass of wine, a great book or movie, hearing my song...

I feel strange that being a mom isn't so fulfilling that I don't mind seeing movies or traveling or eating in a good restaurant. I still love all those things a lot!!!

Chime in if parenting is nice but you feel where i am coming from..

hmmm...I don't totally get what you are trying to say. I have two kids that i love more than anything. They are wonderful and most of the time I enjoy spending time with them. That said, they aren't the only things that bring me joy in life and I have had many amazing pre-kid experiences. Still I wouldn't trade my kids for a good book or amazing vacation. That said If I had not been able to have kids then I am sure I would still have tons of joy in my life.

Honestly, on an overarching level, it is one of the best things in my life, along with my wonderful husband.

However, on individual days, parenting can be challenging. To paraphrase what someone said to me once, the days can be challenging, but the years are magical.

I adore my children and they are the center of my life, but then I really love parenting and have great kids. I feel so grateful that they're part of my life. They've enriched it beyond measure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I feel like my life didn't really "start" until I had DD. Yes DH and I still love our date nights and take the occasional few days away, but I just am head over heals for DD and couldn't imagine life without her.

I think this is fascinating. And I wonder how old you were when you had your child?

Gave birth just before my 31st bday, got pregnant the first month of trying. I had wanted a child as long as I can remember and felt very whole and complete once I had her. She didn't slow us down, we just take her with us everywhere. She's very well behaved, well most days, lol, and has such a fun little personality. We really couldn't be happier.

My three kids some before everything else for me, however that's on a global, cosmic level. The day to day reality is that sometimes being with them is most important to me while at other times I'd rather be having fun with friends or DH, working at my career, or just taking a bath in solitude with a nice glass or wine. If I were forced to choose only one thing in life it would be my kids. Thankfully I don't have to make that choice and can fill my life with them and squeeze in enough other stuff to give me balance. Now that they are older and leaving the nest, especially, I'm thankful I didn't build my entire world around those kids. But they'll always be at the center of my heart.

I love my daughter she's at times super awesome. But really being a parent isn't the best thing in the world. Sometimes it's great sometimes it sucks. But I can imagine greater more awesome things.

And having my daughter didn't complete me as a person. It would have been pretty sad for me to be walking around incomplete for 38 years just waiting for a kid so I could be complete. Just like my husband didn't complete me as a person neither did my child. They added to and complimented me as the person I already was.

Anonymous wrote:What I find odd about this line of thinking is that we are all hopefully going to live 70+ years. Kids are going to be the primary focus for maybe 20 years if have more than one? By 15 or 16, they have their own lives. Yes they still need you, but they are becoming their own people.

I just think it's very dangerous to set kids up as the be all and end all out of a life that long. We, as women, have to have our own identities and interests. I actually think this is critical to having good adult relationships with kids.

I don't think men have these conversations.

Please marry me and we'll bask in the glow of your mature, sensible perspective well into our 90s.

I'm actually happily married to a lovely man and we are blessed with a 'tween who ignores us in favor of her much more interesting friends. When she emerges from her social world and talks to us, she's very interested in our careers and interests as we're interested in her life.

I didn't realize that being a mother and being a human being who enjoys a wide range of things from travel to reading to friendships to wine and good food were mutually exclusive. Interesting.