Anonymous wrote:As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

Anonymous wrote:As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

Anonymous wrote:MIlitary installations regularly display mangled cars as you drive in and out of the gates. I think generally they're trying to reach a similar demographic -- guys in their late teens. Our kids have seen lots of mangled cars driving in and out of the gates of military installations. HOnestly, I think after awhile you stop paying attention and it doesn't have the same impact anymore.

I'm wondeirng about maybe something like they do at the holocaust museum. Assign each kid in the high school to write a report on another child who died in a car crash somewhere in the US? Make them actively identify with a particular person? Don't know.

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

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Anonymous wrote:So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

I didn't either and I'm in my early 30's too. I know there were parties with alcohol, however, my circle of friends never had alcohol. The majority of my friends were Asian though, so maybe that is the difference.

Anonymous wrote:So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

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Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Have them watch the clip in one of the previous links, that should make a huge impact.

Kids watch this stuff all the time. They see it in health class at school. It gets discussed often from 6th grade forward. But, no, it doesn't just sink in. Teenagers are impulsive and don't think clearly when they are with friends and it's even worse when they are impaired by alcohol or drugs.

So what can stop them? This is my neighborhood. I know what many of the kids are doing and it's not pretty.

Parents can start discussing the sad reality, and stop hosting/allowing attendance to the parties.

Every time you know where there's going to be a party, just give the address to the cops to check on... if you care. If there are high school kids, I guarantee you, there's underaged drinking. Otherwise no one will go. Trust me.

If only one parent cared enough to let the cops check on that party, so much senseless tragedy would have been spared.
You can be anonymous.

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?