Then tell the dad mom went on another bender, got busted,and he may need to ask the court for custody of the child since your sister sounds unfit.

Or, do you intend to cover for her even if that endangers the child?

Anonymous wrote:the mom is probably abusing the medication too

tell your sibling never get in a car with his mother ever again and explain exactly why

how is it the courts aren't trying to take custody of the child

how does your mom support herself and the child

I am going to stop answering questions after this because it's a difficult situation and writing about it here doesn't help. The courts aren't taking custody because a) his dad shares custody is more than competent to care for him and b) my mom has not yet proven to be unfit or an endangerment to him because he wasn't in the car with him when this happened and wasn't born when the other ones occurred. Whether his dad chooses to alter their custody arrangement will be up to him and is up in the air but the courts aren't stepping in because they don't have a reason to. He was not with her when this happened, it was his dad's weekend.

Most jails do not dispense narcotics, tranquillisers, or amphetamines---period. You can get non narcotics management

the mom is probably abusing the medication too

tell your sibling never get in a car with his mother ever again and explain exactly why

how is it the courts aren't trying to take custody of the child

how does your mom support herself and the child

Does your mother ever drive with the 11 year old in the car with her?

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. I haven't done anything since I paid to bail her out. I have spoken with her but there's no offer for help. I did not get her car out. She needed the meds and I had no way of knowing if they could or would be given to her if she had to sit there for days on end. She has an 11 year old child, I did not want something preventable happening to her in jail if she could not safely come off those meds in a tapering fashion. You think I'm enabling her to hurt others- do you think I could live with myself if my 11 year old sibling lost his mother because she didn't have access to medication she needed because I was "teaching her a lesson"?

You were in a crappy position last night. Although I doubt she would die if she had to not have the anxiety meds while she was in there. Scary withdrawal maybe, but death? What else does she take, anything that keeps her alive?

How will you live with yourself if she kills herself or someone else while driving drunk? What will happen to the 11 year old then?

You haven't helped her get her car -- GOOD. Do you think you can make it clear to her now that you are finished? Whatever she does from here on out is on her own head? Fines or other results of going to court on this one, any further DUI's or other issues are on HER head.

You have a lot of justifications in these posts. The bottom line for the general public is that you need to stop.

I'm OP. I haven't done anything since I paid to bail her out. I have spoken with her but there's no offer for help. I did not get her car out. She needed the meds and I had no way of knowing if they could or would be given to her if she had to sit there for days on end. She has an 11 year old child, I did not want something preventable happening to her in jail if she could not safely come off those meds in a tapering fashion. You think I'm enabling her to hurt others- do you think I could live with myself if my 11 year old sibling lost his mother because she didn't have access to medication she needed because I was "teaching her a lesson"?

Oh good. So she'll still have a legal driver's license when she kills someone. OP, she needs the book thrown at her. She NEEDS to be locked up for everyone else's safety. I think it's sad that you are relieved that she might have an easier time of it. You're right, growing up like this really has messed with you. You need help too.


I'm sure it's very easy to say that when it isn't your loved one facing a catastrophic series of events. I know she deserves them. It's my MOM. Not really easy to be happy about it. And she has no safety net - parents are dead, no spouse, no siblings. It's on me to worry about this while she goes through it. I'm also sad for my younger sibling who is going through the same stuff I did growing up. It's difficult. I'm glad for you you don't know what it feels like.

My father was a raging alcoholic. Got drunk every 4-7 days and when I say drunk, I mean rip roaring drunk (literally). My brothers went down that path although they weren't violent. I know exactly how hard it is to do nothing....and just let them experience the consequences of their actions. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. My heart still breaks if I think about it too much. I've had a lot of counseling to get beyond it. But it has to be done. I mean this very kindly - you are enabling your mother. What you're doing is not helping her. It's enabling her. You are her 'rescuer'. The medication is an excuse. Do I believe she needs it, absolutely. Should you have bailed her out. No. You need to learn how to let her go.

OP, my aunt killed someone after 2 DUIs. I really wish my fam hadnt bailed her out so quickly. She's my blood, but I feel bad knowing that another family lost a loved one forever and my aunt is back home (she served 2 years). And she's a nice, sweet person with kids and small grandsons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the "right" answer was to leave her but I couldn't. She takes a daily medication she will withdraw from if she doesn't get her dose today and the consequences that come now are bad enough. I just wanted her out so she could start figuring her shit out.

Sadly the only "shit" she is going to figure out is how to get her next drink.

And they will give inmates medication in jail. Every day if they need it. Local Jail isn't prison. Sure it's not a good place but it's not like those super max documentaries or even orange is the new black.

You are incorrect.

I know for a fact that Arl. Co. jail will NOT administer certain meds whether prescribed or not, so you cannot assume they or any jail will.

Really? On what basis? That sounds like a possible ADA violation and/or a medical liability suit waiting to happen. I can understand not administering w/o checking with doctor. What deigs, specifically, do they refuse to administer even without prescription?

It doesn't matter - many, many people get sent to jail and/or prison and die from a preventable medical cause due to negligence. Google it. Sure, people sue, the county quietly settles, and then it happens again.

OP - I hope you can live with yourself when your mother kills herself and/or someone else. STOP bailing her out. The anxiety meds are just an excuse. You ARE an enabler. Your statement that she won't get the book thrown at her because her last one was in 2001 speaks VOLUMES.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the "right" answer was to leave her but I couldn't. She takes a daily medication she will withdraw from if she doesn't get her dose today and the consequences that come now are bad enough. I just wanted her out so she could start figuring her shit out.

Sadly the only "shit" she is going to figure out is how to get her next drink.

And they will give inmates medication in jail. Every day if they need it. Local Jail isn't prison. Sure it's not a good place but it's not like those super max documentaries or even orange is the new black.

You are incorrect.

I know for a fact that Arl. Co. jail will NOT administer certain meds whether prescribed or not, so you cannot assume they or any jail will.

Really? On what basis? That sounds like a possible ADA violation and/or a medical liability suit waiting to happen. I can understand not administering w/o checking with doctor. What deigs, specifically, do they refuse to administer even without prescription?

My father was terrible alcoholic and ending up dying at the age of 59 from it. Like a great many alcoholics, he fell in a drunken stupor, hit his head, got himself into bed, and bled out. My sister died at the age of 51. Pretty much the same way. Turns out they they both were mentally ill as well as raging alcoholics. Probably better to think of it as one condition. Severe bipolar was their illness. Your mother may suffer from the same thing. If so, you need to begin to realize that it is simply an in curable disease and try find to realize there is nothing you can do. She may just end up incarcerated or institutionalized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering about the younger sibling--that's who I'd be trying to help.

Hugs to OP.

He has a dad who he spends 50/50 time with in town. He is taken care of and I am not needed in that respect. I imagine his dad will be speaking to his lawyer tomorrow about going forward. I hate he has to go through this but it's not a situation in which I would need to be pursuing guardianship of him or anything. His other parent is very involved and present.

That's great news, OP, because it seemed to me the younger sibling was the person who was really suffering.
Knowing that there is another parent who is able to step in, I'm going to echo what many others are saying. I think you know it's possible that your mother will never get better, and I know that's a terrible thing to live with, but she will definitely never get better as long as you are supporting her. You worry that it will be bad without her meds--it HAS to get bad. It has to be so absolutely horrible that your mom comes to understand she must never take another drink ever again, and get whatever help/support she needs to make that happens. Yes, you are not enabling her as much as some other family members do with alcoholics, but you are enabling her.

You said her car is impounded. That's good. Can she get it back? If she is able to get it back, she can kill someone.
She. Can. Kill. Someone.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, OP. You are to be congratulated surviving an alcoholic mom. I hope you continue to seek out counseling to help you through these latest developments.
Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering about the younger sibling--that's who I'd be trying to help.

Hugs to OP.

He has a dad who he spends 50/50 time with in town. He is taken care of and I am not needed in that respect. I imagine his dad will be speaking to his lawyer tomorrow about going forward. I hate he has to go through this but it's not a situation in which I would need to be pursuing guardianship of him or anything. His other parent is very involved and present.

I'm wondering about the younger sibling--that's who I'd be trying to help.

Hugs to OP.