Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 13:10     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:Love you OP for your openness and your grace in handling these questions. Thanks!

To me, it seems like there are more transgender children and teens now than there were when I was growing up. Do you think that's true or just that there's more awareness and acceptance now? If you think there has been a true increase, do you have a theory as to why?

It's on my list of things to start explaining to my kids so that they understand and accept it in their peers.


I think that as acceptance grows, people are more likely to come out. Nobody knows the number of transgender people in the world because so many hide it, ignore it, or keep it to themselves.

It's still taboo to be transgender, but is gradually becoming more accepted. People are becoming more aware. I didn't know what being transgender meant until I was in college, and suddenly everything I had felt growing up made sense. Kids now are learning what it is earlier, so they are able to identify their feelings and identity at a greater rate than in previous times.

Thank you for teaching your children. I'm sure they'll grow up to be loving, accepting, and empathetic. Great skills to have!
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 13:09     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)


I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.


(new poster). I don't know why this annoys me or if it's wrong that it does (I feel guilty about it so assume it is wrong), but I hate seeing transgendered women (male to female) and cross dressers. I was born female, am straight and present as female. The transgendered women and those who crossdress in women's clothes NEVER look like any women I know. They always have fake manicured nails, heavily makeup'd faces, very frilly dresses, heels, etc. Why don't I ever see a transgendered woman wearing just jeans and a t-shirt like I wear every day? I can always spot a trans woman, without needing to be told. Do you think people really can't tell? Or am I just good at this?


Not the OP. There are lots of ways to answer this, but I think the most obvious is "How do you know that you can always spot a trans woman?" I mean, if you can't spot her, you don't know that you didn't spot her.

As for why some trans women are into performative femininity, I think that some trans women are into performative femininity for the same reason as some cis women. Because it makes them feel good, or that's their personal style. I know plenty of trans women who wear jeans, or jeans and a blazer. However, I also think there's an element of gender presentation at play. As a cis woman, and a cis woman with an hourglass shape, there is no outfit I could wear that would lead someone to misgender me. I wear my hair short, and I've never been called "sir." But if you are in the grey area anyway, because you are trans or genderqueer or just androgynous, then overtly feminine clothes tell the world how you want to be addressed.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 13:06     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Dear OP - your openness and candor are very much appreciated. Glad to hear that there are happy people on this site
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 13:05     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm the poster from your previous thread who has a Wiccan family member and posted a few times clarifying things based on my experience. I thought your other thread was great and hope this one stays similarly respectful. I am a grad student and recently wrote a paper on providing culturally competent therapy to transgender people that also involved a number of interviews with trans* friends and friends of friends. At this point, I am basically a straight married ciswoman, but earlier in life, I had girlfriends, some of whom were DMAB, so I'm familiar with being the partner of someone who is beginning HRT or considering surgery.

I don't have many questions, but here's one:

What is your relationship with your ex-wife like now? How did your father react to you coming out to him? Was your mother still alive at that time?

To what extent you are a trans* activist? Does your professional situation involve gender identity? Are you active politically? Do you participate in trans* focused social activities?


Hi! I'm glad you've stopped by. I appreciated and enjoyed your input on my other AMA.

My relationship with my ex is...strained. Our entire relationship was intense and tumultuous. She's supportive of my transition and is okay with me continuing to be a parent to our children, but she wants nothing to do with me.

My mother never knew. I regret that she will never know the true me, but I'm confident that she would love me. My father was originally opposed to my religion when I was a teenager, but knew that if was too vocal about it he would lose me, and because I am his only family left he learned to accept my faith. The same thing happened when I came out to him as being transgender; he wasn't happy, but accepted it just so he could stay in my life.

My career does not have to do with gender identity. I'm somewhat politically active, in that I vote and try to stay informed. I go to trans rallies and some meetups, but I'm very shy and introverted so most of my connections with other Wiccans and other trans people are online.


I was glad to see you start another thread. I suspect we would get along well IRL.

Follow up question - have you experienced discrimination or harassment at work because of your gender identity? I ask because a dear friend of mine recently just put his transition on hold because of problems at work. His workplace is actually VERY support of trans* rights, but he works in a rape crisis center in a direct services capacity and it was determined by senior staff that having a counselor who presented as male would be too traumatic for many of their clients. They are happy that he is on staff, knowing as you and I both do the stats related to sexual assaults on transgender people, but he was basically told that he could switch to an admin role or stay "female" in direct services. It is a complicated sad situation that there is really no solution to. His plan is to stay at the agency for another year or so and then find a new job, start as male and avoid the problem, which it sounds like you have mostly done.
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 13:05     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How old are you now and how old were you when you started transitioning?

I ask because of Caitlyn Jenner, how terrible to live 65 years unhappy!


I'm in my 30's now, and was 29 when I started transitioning.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 13:01     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)


I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.


(new poster). I don't know why this annoys me or if it's wrong that it does (I feel guilty about it so assume it is wrong), but I hate seeing transgendered women (male to female) and cross dressers. I was born female, am straight and present as female. The transgendered women and those who crossdress in women's clothes NEVER look like any women I know. They always have fake manicured nails, heavily makeup'd faces, very frilly dresses, heels, etc. Why don't I ever see a transgendered woman wearing just jeans and a t-shirt like I wear every day? I can always spot a trans woman, without needing to be told. Do you think people really can't tell? Or am I just good at this?


I'm 12:48. I can't speak to the OP's gender expression, but there is obviously a spectrum of expressed gender that ranges from hair natural and not styled, no cosmetics, plain clothes to completely dolled up. I know trans women who look like regular women. I know trans women who still look very male. I know one beautiful trans man who looks male and female at the same time and is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen.

Yesterday, I wore plain slacks and a plain button down shirt to work. I put my hair in a ponytail. I wore no makeup. Today I'm wearing a dress and my hair is styled and I'm wearing makeup. Personal preference, timing, etc.
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 13:00     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm the poster from your previous thread who has a Wiccan family member and posted a few times clarifying things based on my experience. I thought your other thread was great and hope this one stays similarly respectful. I am a grad student and recently wrote a paper on providing culturally competent therapy to transgender people that also involved a number of interviews with trans* friends and friends of friends. At this point, I am basically a straight married ciswoman, but earlier in life, I had girlfriends, some of whom were DMAB, so I'm familiar with being the partner of someone who is beginning HRT or considering surgery.

I don't have many questions, but here's one:

What is your relationship with your ex-wife like now? How did your father react to you coming out to him? Was your mother still alive at that time?

To what extent you are a trans* activist? Does your professional situation involve gender identity? Are you active politically? Do you participate in trans* focused social activities?


Hi! I'm glad you've stopped by. I appreciated and enjoyed your input on my other AMA.

My relationship with my ex is...strained. Our entire relationship was intense and tumultuous. She's supportive of my transition and is okay with me continuing to be a parent to our children, but she wants nothing to do with me.

My mother never knew. I regret that she will never know the true me, but I'm confident that she would love me. My father was originally opposed to my religion when I was a teenager, but knew that if was too vocal about it he would lose me, and because I am his only family left he learned to accept my faith. The same thing happened when I came out to him as being transgender; he wasn't happy, but accepted it just so he could stay in my life.

My career does not have to do with gender identity. I'm somewhat politically active, in that I vote and try to stay informed. I go to trans rallies and some meetups, but I'm very shy and introverted so most of my connections with other Wiccans and other trans people are online.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:55     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)


I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.


(new poster). I don't know why this annoys me or if it's wrong that it does (I feel guilty about it so assume it is wrong), but I hate seeing transgendered women (male to female) and cross dressers. I was born female, am straight and present as female. The transgendered women and those who crossdress in women's clothes NEVER look like any women I know. They always have fake manicured nails, heavily makeup'd faces, very frilly dresses, heels, etc. Why don't I ever see a transgendered woman wearing just jeans and a t-shirt like I wear every day? I can always spot a trans woman, without needing to be told. Do you think people really can't tell? Or am I just good at this?
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:55     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Love you OP for your openness and your grace in handling these questions. Thanks!

To me, it seems like there are more transgender children and teens now than there were when I was growing up. Do you think that's true or just that there's more awareness and acceptance now? If you think there has been a true increase, do you have a theory as to why?

It's on my list of things to start explaining to my kids so that they understand and accept it in their peers.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:55     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
How old are you now and how old were you when you started transitioning?

I ask because of Caitlyn Jenner, how terrible to live 65 years unhappy!
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:54     Subject: Re:I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How old were your children when you transitioned? Do they see you as a second mother or as their father?

I apologize if the questions are offensive, but I am curious.


They were both in elementary school. My divorce came before the official transition, and that was harder on them than this has been. They see me as their parent. They call me MiMi, as my ex was not okay with them calling me Mom.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:53     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you were to date a cisgender woman who wanted biological children, would you consider stopping HRT long enough to get her pregnant?


MtF HRT makes you sterile while you are on them, and doctors are not sure if that sterility would continue after stopping them. I would be very unlikely to stop the hormones just for that chance. I'd be open to her having biological children through sperm donation! I thought about storing my sperm before I started HRT, but that was an expense I could not afford.


This is super interesting. I have a MAAB friend who is trying to have a bio baby this way, but I haven't asked in a while if she had been successful. I mean, her partner isn't pregnant yet, so I assume it didn't work.

I didn't realize, though, that the docs were unsure if fertility would return. The impression I took away from my conversations with her made it sound like she just had to wait long enough, but of course that had all sorts of side effects, too!
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:52     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How do your children cope with your transition?


They're fine for the most part. The hardest part for them has been the divorce, not my transition. I don't get to see them as much as I (and they!) would like, so I make sure to talk to them every day. We skype so that they're able to see my transition and not be surprised at the changes in me from visit to visit.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:51     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
If you could do it all over again, would you?
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:50     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:If you were to date a cisgender woman who wanted biological children, would you consider stopping HRT long enough to get her pregnant?


MtF HRT makes you sterile while you are on them, and doctors are not sure if that sterility would continue after stopping them. I would be very unlikely to stop the hormones just for that chance. I'd be open to her having biological children through sperm donation! I thought about storing my sperm before I started HRT, but that was an expense I could not afford.