I have a friend who began an affair a few months ago. Had been complaining to me about her DH not being attentive, wanting to move nearer to his family, emotionally detached. Found out she's been seeing someone that entire time. I just cut her off. I don't want to hear her justify her actions anymore. If her DH is so bad she could either leave or work on it. But to be sneaking around and lying about work trips when she's just using her husband for childcare while she's with her AP I can't be around. I bet she found more problems w DH by he wasn't as exciting as AP anyway. What could be more exiting than new sex and sneaking around thinking you're pulling one over on everyone. Eventually that's going to end.

The messenger frequent gets shot. MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had something just like it happen 20 years ago. Friend had multiple partners and had no plans on stopping. Told friend that he (I'm a guy) has one week to tell his wife or I would.

I told him that if wife does not care, I don't care but that I would not keep information from her. He told me that I was a shitty friend and I responded that he was a shitty husband. He told me I would lose his friendship if I told.

Long story short is that he was divorced within the year and I have never spoken with either one (they BOTH hate me?).

Sometimes doing the right thing is hard.

I would definitely not have you as a friend. Dudes don't go telling secrets to another guy's wife or call him out on his husband role. I bet you don't have many male friends.

This is OP. And female. While I do judge my friends character I would never tell this to her husband and wreck the family.

Anonymous wrote:I had something just like it happen 20 years ago. Friend had multiple partners and had no plans on stopping. Told friend that he (I'm a guy) has one week to tell his wife or I would.

I told him that if wife does not care, I don't care but that I would not keep information from her. He told me that I was a shitty friend and I responded that he was a shitty husband. He told me I would lose his friendship if I told.

Long story short is that he was divorced within the year and I have never spoken with either one (they BOTH hate me?).

Sometimes doing the right thing is hard.

I would definitely not have you as a friend. Dudes don't go telling secrets to another guy's wife or call him out on his husband role. I bet you don't have many male friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do guys do when their male friends are cheating on their wives with multiple women?

Guy here: generally speaking, you wouldn't rat out your friend under most circumstances. In general, men place a very high premium on loyalty in their friendships. While I would not participate in actively concealing an affair or providing a false alibi, I personally would keep my mouth shut. It would get messy if I were friends with both spouses, however, as if I learned my friend's spouse was cheating I would feel obligated to tell.

Having said that, in most circumstances guys would try to avoid having anyone else know about their affairs, including their male friends. There really is no upside, and potential downside.

Men stick together. What else is new?

Within reason, yes. I only responded because of my sense that female friendships often seem rather different on this point.

Right, one difference being that it seems like women KNOW about their female friends' affairs. I've had a few friends cheat on their wives and none of them told any of their male friends they were doing it.

My ex wife was seeing multiple people. I think she wanted out of the marriage but didn't have the guts. Instead, she made decisions that she knew I would divorce her for when I found out. She was also wreckless about covering it up.

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman cheating with multiple men. I say butt out. I'm sure I have issues, but it's like losing weight - no one can resolve to do it for you. I'm not interested in giving the extracurriculars up, and if a friend approached me, I wouldn't engage with her and would demote her to an acquaintance.

How did the affairs get started? At what point did they go from flirting to sex?

Also, how often do you see them?

At the same time? That's pretty hot.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds kind of hot. What's she like? Did she marry young? Or perhaps she married at 31ish, and now she's 35-36 and wants to be banged by the type of guys she had in HS and College?

Yeah, I was going to say, how do I get in on this action?

I had something just like it happen 20 years ago. Friend had multiple partners and had no plans on stopping. Told friend that he (I'm a guy) has one week to tell his wife or I would.

I told him that if wife does not care, I don't care but that I would not keep information from her. He told me that I was a shitty friend and I responded that he was a shitty husband. He told me I would lose his friendship if I told.

Long story short is that he was divorced within the year and I have never spoken with either one (they BOTH hate me?).

Sometimes doing the right thing is hard.

Perhaps they have an open marriage?

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman cheating with multiple men. I say butt out. I'm sure I have issues, but it's like losing weight - no one can resolve to do it for you. I'm not interested in giving the extracurriculars up, and if a friend approached me, I wouldn't engage with her and would demote her to an acquaintance.

A classy adulteress only fucks one other man at a time.

I am a woman cheating with multiple men. I say butt out. I'm sure I have issues, but it's like losing weight - no one can resolve to do it for you. I'm not interested in giving the extracurriculars up, and if a friend approached me, I wouldn't engage with her and would demote her to an acquaintance.

^^^That is beyond selfish behavior. She doesn't have the guts to talk to her husband about their issues nor does she have the guts to divorce. So she's just going to screw around behind his back like the coward she is. I say dump the friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's have psychiatric issues? A friend of mine went on antidepressants and became extremely disinhibited. She didn't tell us until after it was all over-and was very embarrassed. It was really bad, she did some crazy stuff (and I am not easily shocked) which was then revealed very publicly. Now she is back to her regular self.

If you consider her a friend, I think this is a case where you should say something stern to her about her behavior.

Did you stay friends?

Yes, we've stayed friends. She made bad choices because she was sick. I couldn't be friends with someone who just went around hurting people and didn't care, but the situation with my friend was not like that.

This is OP. My friend I am talking about had some psychological issues in the past. She was bulimic in undergrad and later in professional life she was on antidepressants because of long work hours. Eventually she became SATM and got off the pills. Other than that she has a very sweet, stable personality.

In that case, I would sit down with her and say something like: "I'm your friend, I care about you, and I'm really worried. Usually you are such a sweet, nice person. Now you're cheating on your husband and running around with all these guys. That isn't like you. If there is something bad going on between you and your husband, you can tell me and I'll try to help. I really hope you will get an appointment with a therapist this week. I can help you find someone and I can drive you the appointment. Please know that I'm only saying this because I care about you."

This is OP again. She already told me what's wrong in her marriage and I personally think it takes 2 to tango. She is a person who avoids conflict and her first desire is to divorce but then she explained me that she is afraid that her husband will get mad etc etc. So she wants to keep things like this until kids grow up I guess?