Anonymous
06/02/2015 16:32
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
I like that!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op again. I guess I really don't feel comfortable with how to talk about wealth and I'm looking for some tips. Dh and I gre up middle class and we are doing quite well. I usually say stuff like "dad and I work very hard. If you study hard and get a good job you will be able to afford what you want to buy." I don't want our kids thinking this is the norm.
Say the bolded part.
Especially if you add "We happen to have jobs that pay us a lot of money. There are a lot of people who work very, very hard and still don't make very much money. Yes, we're lucky, and that's why we make sure to share our good fortune with others."
Anonymous
06/02/2015 16:31
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Except that these days, there aren't any guarantees that studying hard will get you a good job that will pay for these things.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op again. I guess I really don't feel comfortable with how to talk about wealth and I'm looking for some tips. Dh and I gre up middle class and we are doing quite well. I usually say stuff like "dad and I work very hard. If you study hard and get a good job you will be able to afford what you want to buy." I don't want our kids thinking this is the norm.
Say the bolded part.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 16:30
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
My mom always insisted we weren't rich. Yeah right, what was that barn in the backyard with four horses in it and the grand house on five acres? We weren't as rich as her parents but we lived quite well. I grew up in an upper middle/upper income town and had the distorted idea that I was middle class growing up.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is the best way to address class issues with a 6 year old? His observation is true.
"Yes, we are."
This, please. None of that "Middle Class" BS I see too much on DCUM.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 15:46
Subject: Re:Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Opposite-Spoiled-Grounded-Generous/dp/0062247018
This book addresses all that the OP has eluded to. I am only a couple of chapters in, so I don't have the answers yet.
"The Opposite of Spoiled"
This book addresses all that the OP has eluded to. I am only a couple of chapters in, so I don't have the answers yet.
"The Opposite of Spoiled"
Anonymous
06/02/2015 14:49
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:I think you should be honest with him. What do you do as an occupation? What does daddy? Living in the DC area, you are most likely one of two options: 1) a lawyer and/or 2) a lobbyist. I put "political/campaign consultant" in the latter category. Perhaps a third option could be a doctor. But we know that like 75% of white collar jobs in DC belong to the former two categories.
So I assume daddy is a lawyer or lobbyist, so the answer is pretty simple: you exist to write laws for the 1% that preserve the 1%. You do what you can to steal money from the hard working middle class and make sure your 1% friends get richer. You do this on behalf of corporate and other special interests; daddy is essentially a whore who takes money to perform certain illicit acts at the expense of millions of hard working people, the environment, animal rights, etc.
If daddy works in politics, he lives to preserve the illusion of choice (and freedom) that the American people have. Of course, your hubby knows the truth that "R" or "D" means nothing; there is no choice and therefore no freedom in the USA. The only choice is that families like yours get richer. Then you send your kid(s) to the best schools and universities where they only know kids of the 1%. This buys your child access to the best internships in DC. Internship evolves into staffer and/or law school. Where they once again begin writing laws that preserve the 1%. Rinse, repeat and fuck everyone else!
OP: Tell your son the truth!
LOL
Anonymous
06/02/2015 14:46
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
We had that question last week. Here is what I said.
Yes, we are lucky that we have been able to go to school, work hard and get good jobs. We have a house, more than enough to eat and we can pay for extra classes, camps and travels. Many, many children don't get all these.
Of course, there are always things that we would like but cannot afford (a boat, a castle in Spain, a house with a pool, a horse,....). But we are very fortunate.
Yes, we are lucky that we have been able to go to school, work hard and get good jobs. We have a house, more than enough to eat and we can pay for extra classes, camps and travels. Many, many children don't get all these.
Of course, there are always things that we would like but cannot afford (a boat, a castle in Spain, a house with a pool, a horse,....). But we are very fortunate.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 14:13
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Why is an innocent 6 year old thinking about this? Wealth should not be on your child's radar.
Ah, DCUM, always willing to jump in with judgment about other people and their children...Innocence is not living under a rock. He goes to school, presumably. And he sees other people's houses. presumably. He goes on playdates, presumably. In all those situations, he has the opportunity to compare his situation to others - and hear what others say about his situation. Someone at school may have said "you must be rich - you have, like, 10 legos" or he could have overheard someone saying "so and so says we are rich because we have ...." Or he could see on an ad or television someone talking about being rich. That's why the followup question is so key - "Why do you ask?" and then you can tailor your response accordingly.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 14:01
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Why is an innocent 6 year old thinking about this? Wealth should not be on your child's radar.
Because a six year old is quite observant. BS answers don't cut it- we live in a materialistic society. Conversations about wealth and the meaning/ value of wealth take place over years. Other kids will make all kinds of superficial judgments about wealth and status. A parent needs to get in there with some strong values and messages. The main one (for the child's sake) that a parent will not support a high end life style after a certain point- and the child is expected to work hard and take advantage of the opportunities they have been give .
Anonymous
06/02/2015 09:42
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
If OP's son is thinking this way it's likely because he's noticed that he has things others don't. Of course, not everyone who has things can afford them. Teaching about debt and living within your means may be a bit much for 6, but if OP goes the "why do you say that" route and his reasoning is that he has more than others, she can teach that wealth and poverty are comparative, you don't always know what others have by looking, that things change, etc. any number of more accurate lessons than "work hard and you'll be rich."
Anonymous
06/02/2015 09:34
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:I always refer to it as "luck" with young children. MANY of us go to great colleges, work hard, and we are not rich. I emphasize the importance of working hard, and also acknowledge that sometimes it's not fair.
I also tell my kid all the time how lucky we are. Lucky to live in America, lucky to have access to fresh food and clean water, lucky to have a home in a wonderful neighborhood with friends surrounding us. She parrots me, and it's lovely so far. For the most part, her school friends have considerably bigger houses with yards, etc. So I'm not looking forward to the inevitable comparisons, but hopefully I'm setting the stage for a little bit of gratitude.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 09:16
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
I think you should be honest with him. What do you do as an occupation? What does daddy? Living in the DC area, you are most likely one of two options: 1) a lawyer and/or 2) a lobbyist. I put "political/campaign consultant" in the latter category. Perhaps a third option could be a doctor. But we know that like 75% of white collar jobs in DC belong to the former two categories.
So I assume daddy is a lawyer or lobbyist, so the answer is pretty simple: you exist to write laws for the 1% that preserve the 1%. You do what you can to steal money from the hard working middle class and make sure your 1% friends get richer. You do this on behalf of corporate and other special interests; daddy is essentially a whore who takes money to perform certain illicit acts at the expense of millions of hard working people, the environment, animal rights, etc.
If daddy works in politics, he lives to preserve the illusion of choice (and freedom) that the American people have. Of course, your hubby knows the truth that "R" or "D" means nothing; there is no choice and therefore no freedom in the USA. The only choice is that families like yours get richer. Then you send your kid(s) to the best schools and universities where they only know kids of the 1%. This buys your child access to the best internships in DC. Internship evolves into staffer and/or law school. Where they once again begin writing laws that preserve the 1%. Rinse, repeat and fuck everyone else!
OP: Tell your son the truth!
So I assume daddy is a lawyer or lobbyist, so the answer is pretty simple: you exist to write laws for the 1% that preserve the 1%. You do what you can to steal money from the hard working middle class and make sure your 1% friends get richer. You do this on behalf of corporate and other special interests; daddy is essentially a whore who takes money to perform certain illicit acts at the expense of millions of hard working people, the environment, animal rights, etc.
If daddy works in politics, he lives to preserve the illusion of choice (and freedom) that the American people have. Of course, your hubby knows the truth that "R" or "D" means nothing; there is no choice and therefore no freedom in the USA. The only choice is that families like yours get richer. Then you send your kid(s) to the best schools and universities where they only know kids of the 1%. This buys your child access to the best internships in DC. Internship evolves into staffer and/or law school. Where they once again begin writing laws that preserve the 1%. Rinse, repeat and fuck everyone else!
OP: Tell your son the truth!
Anonymous
06/02/2015 00:28
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Umm. How about a flat out "Grown ups don't talk to kids about grown up money. You have all the things you need and you are very lucky."
He will persist. You repeat. Shift the conversation into "People can do three things with money; spend on things you need and a few you want, and if you are lucky to have some left over you should save some of it. If you're lucky to have even more leftover you can share some to help other people."
That's all I tell my kid about money right now.
Your canned line about working hard = payday is totally offensive. If you think and teach that simply working hard earns one wealth or guaranteed comfort, you're setting your kid up to believe a fallacy and potentially confuse or offend the garbage man's kid. Truth is he will probably be rich because you are, but he'll know that on his own one day. For now, shut the talk down.
Personally, I think this is horrible. Why would you not start an adult out with a good sense of budget and want vs. need? That's built when kids watch parents, ask questions and are given answers. My mother had us start helping with balancing the checkbook when we were in 2nd grade; I started letting kids help when they can consistently add and subtract 2 digit and 3 digit numbers.
Anonymous
06/02/2015 00:06
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Funny, my son comes home thinking we are poor. Scary, because while not rich by this area's measure, we are in the top 5% as far as income goes.
I tell him there will always be people who have more than us, and always people who have less. We are very lucky to be able to buy everything we need and a good bit of what we want.
If you are in the top 5% of income in the United States- one of the richest countries in the world - you are rich.
I understand that. But the reason he comes home saying we are poor is because his peers have SO MUCH MORE than we do.
Anonymous
06/01/2015 23:31
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Funny, my son comes home thinking we are poor. Scary, because while not rich by this area's measure, we are in the top 5% as far as income goes.
I tell him there will always be people who have more than us, and always people who have less. We are very lucky to be able to buy everything we need and a good bit of what we want.
If you are in the top 5% of income in the United States- one of the richest countries in the world - you are rich.
Anonymous
06/01/2015 23:28
Subject: Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You could do what my dad did and say quote Bill Cosby and say some version of "your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." I realize it is now frowned upon to quote Cosby but I do think there is something to be said for that general philosophy.
I jokingly say that to my DS. I'm a teacher and I work harder than most people I know and we aren't rich. Some months, I have to rob Peter to pay Paul. I do talk to my DS about some jobs paying more money than others.
+1