Anonymous
05/26/2015 20:27
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a SAHM moving back into the workplace after 8 years at home. I would not trade that time with my children for anything in the world, and I will never regret it. I think having a mom who really loves being a mom at home in the early years provides a critical foundation of security and love. As a latch-key child myself, I really wanted my children to have a stay-at-home mom in their early years. My youngest is now almost 5, and I'm sad that she will not have me for as long as the others did, but as she'll start K in the fall, I'm reasonably confident she's going to be okay.
There have been a number of sacrifices in terms of finances, and we had to go from a fairly luxurious lifestyle (multiple vacations each year, never thinking about eating out, never thinking about what whether we could afford things) to having to be on a tight budget and watching every penny. I actually think the discipline we learned financially is a good one, which we may never have learned if we had stayed two-income. That said, my DH's salary is $300,000+ a year, and we purchased our home long before I became a SAHM. We also had a large savings cushion.
I personally think you can make staying at home work, but do go into it having a realistic picture of the financial/lifestyle tradeoffs. Do a very careful analysis of your current spending patterns vs. where you can make cuts/changes. I agree that you should buy a house while you have two incomes. Also, try to buy in an area that will see increased value over the years. It's one area where a good choice can really pay off. There are tons of fun things you can do in the DC area that are free or low-cost, and definitely do not try to keep up with the Joneses.
I am returning to work at somewhat less than the salary I would have had I stayed, but certainly more than when I left. However, that's because of strong personal connections that I maintained during the SAHM days and the reputation I built earlier in my career. It is possible!
Also, I don't think the blog idea is a bad one at all. I am surprised that anyone would poo-poohing it If you can provide state of the art info to your colleagues on a regular basis, it will help you maintain contact and keep your credentials burnished. I also took occasional freelance assignments, and that definitely helps keep a toe in, too.
If you really enjoy being a mom and enjoy being with your kids, staying at home can be a wonderful thing. It's certainly been a great experience for me. I hope it is for you, too.
People weren't poo poohing the blog idea. They were being realistic. She does not have the income to hire help or outsourcing so blogging and freelance, networking etc. is done during naps and after bedtime. It's hard to prioritize that. Folks are speaking from experience and being realistic. Not saying it's impossible but there will be barriers to this plan?
Anonymous
05/26/2015 15:39
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
I am in a similar position. OP and can't stop thinking about quitting to be a SAHM too. Three things have stopped me from pulling the plug:
1) My two kids are in an excellent preschool. Expensive, ubt really great they are thriving. They are experiencing and learning more than I could ever teach them as a single care giver.
2)My current job, while not perfect, does have the advantage of being flexible. I have the type of job that SAHMs returning to work would strive for- 100k salary, flexible hours, unlimited work from home, can easily take time off for snow days/ sick days/etc.
3) I do not have ANY family in the area, nor friends (in spite of trying. I have tried and tried.) I fear I would become too isolated. I don't want that isolated/lonely feeling in me to have a negative affect on my kids.
Still in my heart of hearts I would rather stay home, and might just do it anyway. I do know it is not all rainbows and unicorns but it makes me sad to be away from them and miss these precious years.
1) My two kids are in an excellent preschool. Expensive, ubt really great they are thriving. They are experiencing and learning more than I could ever teach them as a single care giver.
2)My current job, while not perfect, does have the advantage of being flexible. I have the type of job that SAHMs returning to work would strive for- 100k salary, flexible hours, unlimited work from home, can easily take time off for snow days/ sick days/etc.
3) I do not have ANY family in the area, nor friends (in spite of trying. I have tried and tried.) I fear I would become too isolated. I don't want that isolated/lonely feeling in me to have a negative affect on my kids.
Still in my heart of hearts I would rather stay home, and might just do it anyway. I do know it is not all rainbows and unicorns but it makes me sad to be away from them and miss these precious years.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 14:28
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
I don't see the benefit of SAHM to the kid. You may do it for your own personal self interest, but I wouldn't put it on the child.
You can work and raise one or two kids without being a SAHM. Plenty of people do it, their kids turn out great. The problematic kids are that way not because of lack of a SAHM.
Time with kids is important, I know. I try to spend as much time with my kids as possible when I get home every day, and on the weekends. But I will never think to myself that I am somehow missing out, or that I should quit work to spend more time with them. Kids need time away from their parents, and I need time away from the kids. Life should be balanced.
You can work and raise one or two kids without being a SAHM. Plenty of people do it, their kids turn out great. The problematic kids are that way not because of lack of a SAHM.
Time with kids is important, I know. I try to spend as much time with my kids as possible when I get home every day, and on the weekends. But I will never think to myself that I am somehow missing out, or that I should quit work to spend more time with them. Kids need time away from their parents, and I need time away from the kids. Life should be balanced.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 14:21
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
NP here. Our salary circumstances were very similar. I became a SAHM right before our 2nd was born and left an identical salary. My DH makes the same salary with little growth (maybe $120k-125 today). We lived very comfortably in NW DC. I had great friends who had similar HHI incomes and/or flexible work arrangements. This was one of the greatest times in my life. Fast forward to today, I went back to work after 3.5 years off and landed my dream job in my dream city in my first proposal (next level up, same salary, flex schedule of my choosing). It was a position I couldn't turn down, and honestly, I'm just as happy as when I was staying home. Just because you choose to SAHM, doesn't mean that it has to be for 5 years, 10 years, or forever. I've known lots of women who float between the SAHM, WAHM, and WOHM. Nothing in life is permanent--give yourself the space and confidence to re-evaluate along the way.
Financially speaking, we did have significant net worth and a rock-solid budget before my SAHM stint. We had maxed our retirement since marriage (probably $350K 5 years ago). We also purchased a primary residence and had two investment properties as well. I would say our net worth at the time was $600-700K (including retirement). We always lived off one salary and banked the other (best advice I ever received). Thus, we didn't have to worry about saving for retirement as much during my break or saving for college (we deferred investment income to 529s). During those 3.5 years, our net worth still grew by $100k/year+ and we are around $1.2 today--I've only been back to work for 6 months. We really track every penny spent. Best of luck with whatever path you choose.
Financially speaking, we did have significant net worth and a rock-solid budget before my SAHM stint. We had maxed our retirement since marriage (probably $350K 5 years ago). We also purchased a primary residence and had two investment properties as well. I would say our net worth at the time was $600-700K (including retirement). We always lived off one salary and banked the other (best advice I ever received). Thus, we didn't have to worry about saving for retirement as much during my break or saving for college (we deferred investment income to 529s). During those 3.5 years, our net worth still grew by $100k/year+ and we are around $1.2 today--I've only been back to work for 6 months. We really track every penny spent. Best of luck with whatever path you choose.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:58
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
From observing people with kids ages 0-15 mainly so don't have much knowledge beyond these ages but I think the best times to stay home are from ages 4-7 and for the middle school years. Ages 4-7 are important to have some time at home with your child before school starts, establish friendships in the neighborhood with kids and adults and to shuttle them to activities that seem to always start at 5:00 for 5-7 year olds. I've also heard the teen years are hard dealing with homework and puberty.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:48
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Don't do it -- sincere opinion. Maybe downsize your job to one that is more flexible, work from home, 4 days a week, etc. that could involve changing fields. SAHM is not the dream some tout it to be, just based on other SAHM's accounts on this board. I am a full time, working mom of 2. I also agree they can get difficult around 2 and stay difficult/intense until 4. also older toddlers really benefit from preschool, in my opinion. a mom or nanny singing to them and doing one on one activities, weekday playdates or morning only playschool is not the same level of socialization. I know I'm opening up WWIII here, but my girls are way ahead because they've been in daycare/school since before they were 1 (4 and 5 mos, respectively). To each, her own. Just be confident in your decision and that you don't care what people think, because they will judge you.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:36
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
I loved being a SAHM, but do caution anyone choosing to do this to get a post-nup in place. I quit my job at 36 to stay home. After 22 years of marriage, I left my husband after discovering his affair. I am now a "single" mom of a 14 year old. The courts do not give any credit to you for staying home, sacrificing your career trajectory, losing your skills, etc. Alimony today is usually only for a few years while you get back on your feet.
I would suggest setting up a post up that provides you with support and compensation in the case of a divorce. I hate to sound like a bitter old crone, because I am not. But any SAH parent needs to be wise and protect themselves.
Even knowing what I know now, I'd do it again. I loved being at home with my child.
I would suggest setting up a post up that provides you with support and compensation in the case of a divorce. I hate to sound like a bitter old crone, because I am not. But any SAH parent needs to be wise and protect themselves.
Even knowing what I know now, I'd do it again. I loved being at home with my child.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:32
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it's irresponsible to leave work when you're a major breadwinner.
Not if you are able to live on one income and have the savings and insurance to account for contingencies. There is no rule of life that says everyone should maximize their income potential at all times. He who dies with the most toys does not win.
Best DCUM post of the month.
But the purpose of having money is not buying toys, it's having financial security for your kids and for your own retirement.
Go back and read the bolded. See me after class.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:31
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about the reality of sahm vs the fantasy of it?
Fantasy: Lunch at pain quotidien with your girlfriends and maybe a nice bikram yoga after
Reality: cold cuts at home. Voga is moving dishes to dishwasher.
Fantasy: Tuesday my gym play dates with DS best friends followed by ice cream at the park
Reality: my gym is too expensive, play date at the public park, ice cream truck becomes a nuisance
Fantasy: rock solid ass toned from jogging around in stroller with DS
Reality: exhausted after 3 loads of laundry, cleaning house and chasing kid around. Ass still big.
Fantasy: drop kid off at play based schooling 2x a week. Enjoy a margarita with bff then home for a quick shower and masterbation sash before heading back to pick up kid
Reality: can't afford play based schooling. Decide on chipotle. Masterbation sounds tiring. Maybe watch hgtv instead.
Just sayin'
I lived this life as a SAHM in NW DC and our HHI was $250k. I still felt like the poor mom among everyone I met at playgroups, parks etc.
Generally the only moms who SAH in NW are those with a major breadwinner backing them. It would honestly be very hard to SAH with a tight budget--
the things that keep you sane as a SAH are pool memberships, part-time preschool, trips out for lunch (with and without kids), spontaneous trips for frozen yogurt, classes/sports for the kids, etc. Never mind all the crazy travel that everyone in NW does--
the trips to the West Coast 4 times a year, international travel, ski trips, etc. There is a lot of money in the SAHM crowd in NW DC.
If would be hard (not impossible but hard) to exist in this community and have to watch every spare dollar.
I live in NW too and worked very little, basically SAH, when my kids were tiny. This was NOT my experience and my HHI was far far far far less than yours is/was. Now all of NW is the Palidases or Wesley Heights. Some of us are normal!
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:26
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it's irresponsible to leave work when you're a major breadwinner.
Not if you are able to live on one income and have the savings and insurance to account for contingencies. There is no rule of life that says everyone should maximize their income potential at all times. He who dies with the most toys does not win.
Best DCUM post of the month.
But the purpose of having money is not buying toys, it's having financial security for your kids and for your own retirement.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:23
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. Thank you for the quick responses!
21:25- Re: husband's earning potential I'd say our earning potentials are comparable. Until two years ago he was earning considerably more than I was, then I had a couple lucky breaks. Also, I'll max out of my field in anther $30K or so.
21:21- Re: "If you can SAHM and still pay the bills, then it's really just a personal decision. Don't let the rest of us tell you how to live your life." I completely agree, and thank you! I just want to see if there are perspectives I haven't considered. I'd hate to get two years down the road and realize "duh, if only I'd realized ..." Those moments are not entirely avoidable, but I'm trying to be thoughtful about this.
22:09- Apologies for leaving out a key piece of information! My husband is completely supportive either way. He feels like the decision is more mine since his view is that it really comes down to how I want to spend my time. On this key point we have different views. My view is that this is a hugely joint decision with very significant financial consequences for both of us. Then again, he had a SAHM and my mom worked, so most of his life he assumed he would be the sole source of income for his family. Not that he minds the amount we are able to save since with both work.
I think you should try to project 10 years into the future. Are you hoping to have more kids? The reason I ask is that no mom I know went from being a SAHM or very part time WOHM to a full time, career mom after a 10+ year gap. I have no idea if you think you might want to change fields at that point, or what, but what I can contribute is that going back to work after many years is enough of a culture shock without trying to manage teenagers while being a newbie employee. It's much easier, logistically and emotionally, to work full time when your kids are in full time daycare than when they are teens.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:15
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:I know many SAH parents surviving on less than $110k in this area. It can be done, yes it may be tight but if it's really want you want to do and your DH is on board then it may be worth a try. You can always try it out and then if things are too tough financially jump back into the workforce.
Agree.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 12:00
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
I've met a couple of former SAHMs who went back to work after 10+ years out of the work force. They eased back into their former careers by enrolling in programs offered by their alma maters.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 10:57
Subject: Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
I know many SAH parents surviving on less than $110k in this area. It can be done, yes it may be tight but if it's really want you want to do and your DH is on board then it may be worth a try. You can always try it out and then if things are too tough financially jump back into the workforce.
Anonymous
05/26/2015 10:50
Subject: Re:Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM
OP, I'm a SAHM moving back into the workplace after 8 years at home. I would not trade that time with my children for anything in the world, and I will never regret it. I think having a mom who really loves being a mom at home in the early years provides a critical foundation of security and love. As a latch-key child myself, I really wanted my children to have a stay-at-home mom in their early years. My youngest is now almost 5, and I'm sad that she will not have me for as long as the others did, but as she'll start K in the fall, I'm reasonably confident she's going to be okay.
There have been a number of sacrifices in terms of finances, and we had to go from a fairly luxurious lifestyle (multiple vacations each year, never thinking about eating out, never thinking about what whether we could afford things) to having to be on a tight budget and watching every penny. I actually think the discipline we learned financially is a good one, which we may never have learned if we had stayed two-income. That said, my DH's salary is $300,000+ a year, and we purchased our home long before I became a SAHM. We also had a large savings cushion.
I personally think you can make staying at home work, but do go into it having a realistic picture of the financial/lifestyle tradeoffs. Do a very careful analysis of your current spending patterns vs. where you can make cuts/changes. I agree that you should buy a house while you have two incomes. Also, try to buy in an area that will see increased value over the years. It's one area where a good choice can really pay off. There are tons of fun things you can do in the DC area that are free or low-cost, and definitely do not try to keep up with the Joneses.
I am returning to work at somewhat less than the salary I would have had I stayed, but certainly more than when I left. However, that's because of strong personal connections that I maintained during the SAHM days and the reputation I built earlier in my career. It is possible!
Also, I don't think the blog idea is a bad one at all. I am surprised that anyone would poo-poohing it If you can provide state of the art info to your colleagues on a regular basis, it will help you maintain contact and keep your credentials burnished. I also took occasional freelance assignments, and that definitely helps keep a toe in, too.
If you really enjoy being a mom and enjoy being with your kids, staying at home can be a wonderful thing. It's certainly been a great experience for me. I hope it is for you, too.
There have been a number of sacrifices in terms of finances, and we had to go from a fairly luxurious lifestyle (multiple vacations each year, never thinking about eating out, never thinking about what whether we could afford things) to having to be on a tight budget and watching every penny. I actually think the discipline we learned financially is a good one, which we may never have learned if we had stayed two-income. That said, my DH's salary is $300,000+ a year, and we purchased our home long before I became a SAHM. We also had a large savings cushion.
I personally think you can make staying at home work, but do go into it having a realistic picture of the financial/lifestyle tradeoffs. Do a very careful analysis of your current spending patterns vs. where you can make cuts/changes. I agree that you should buy a house while you have two incomes. Also, try to buy in an area that will see increased value over the years. It's one area where a good choice can really pay off. There are tons of fun things you can do in the DC area that are free or low-cost, and definitely do not try to keep up with the Joneses.
I am returning to work at somewhat less than the salary I would have had I stayed, but certainly more than when I left. However, that's because of strong personal connections that I maintained during the SAHM days and the reputation I built earlier in my career. It is possible!
Also, I don't think the blog idea is a bad one at all. I am surprised that anyone would poo-poohing it If you can provide state of the art info to your colleagues on a regular basis, it will help you maintain contact and keep your credentials burnished. I also took occasional freelance assignments, and that definitely helps keep a toe in, too.
If you really enjoy being a mom and enjoy being with your kids, staying at home can be a wonderful thing. It's certainly been a great experience for me. I hope it is for you, too.