Anonymous wrote:DS is 16, a junior in high school, and has been with his girlfriend since September. Both are good kids, excellent students and both involved in extracurricular activities that give them little free time... but the girlfriend has very lax parents and no curfew or rules and her parents are often out of town.

Should I just assume they are having sex? Is this something that parents generally ask their kids?

Do you want him to end up as a 40 year-old virgin ?

I would say rather than ask have a series of conversations around safe sex and give more specifics. What do do if a condom breaks? Have they discussed emergency contraceptive? What about if she gets pregnant? Did they do screenings for STIs? Is she on birth control? Are her parents aware they are having sex? To be clear I don’t mean to grill him but to have conversations where lots of info is shared. You want to be a resource if questions or issues come up so try to position yourself as one.

Anonymous wrote:Do not ask. Assume they are. Would be strange if they aren't. Buy condoms for him and leave them in his room.

Maybe this is an acceptable thing to do in your trashy family but it is not acceptable in ours.

Anonymous wrote:Don't ask, but make sure they have an insurance card and tell them if they ever want to go to the doctor for birth control or std testing, you will pay for it or help them make an appointment. And that they need to use condoms even if the girl is on birth control etc.

And make sure they have gotten the HPV vaccine.

My mom asked and it felt incredibly invasive. And I wasn't having sex yet!

Oh and once I started having sex I needed medical care because I had an infection and I asked to see a gyn and she said no and added, "There is no reason you should need to see a gyn." I was 18, a high school senior, and had had the same boyfriend for two years. I self treated for a yeast infection and it turned out it was BV not yeast and I had complications from it and it didn't get diagnosed for years. It sucked.

Don't ask, but make sure they have an insurance card and tell them if they ever want to go to the doctor for birth control or std testing, you will pay for it or help them make an appointment. And that they need to use condoms even if the girl is on birth control etc.

And make sure they have gotten the HPV vaccine.

My mom asked and it felt incredibly invasive. And I wasn't having sex yet!