Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to accept an invitation and then not show up. For anything. This is Manners 101. Don't blame this on being on the spectrum. If you no longer want to go, cancel. Just stop trying to make people agree that the rules don't apply to you.

Omg didn't read all the posts is she blaming this on aspergers or something.

Go to the wedding and stop being a douche op, aspergers or not.

Never blaming my decision on it. Just wondering why I don't understand what is obvious to others.

Op, sometimes the harpies get hold of a thread here and won't let go. It's fine to cancel. I didn't have to give my final headcount until a week before my wedding. Three weeks out won't cost your cousin anything. Don't let the people here get in your head. Send a gift and your regrets, and it will be fine, really.

I wouldn't go.

I think some folks might be having opinions based on the wedding they are imagining. Cancelling on a big venue ritzy NYC wedding is very different than a small town community rec hall wedding. My cousin got married in a church basement in IA with ham and potato salad. It was beautiful and I loved every minute but she was not affected financially or otherwise that my DH couldn't come due to a work conflict that developed after we RSVPed.

Only you know the scope and what fallout, if any, will come from backing out. Personally I would have no hesitation telling them that DH's work situation is uncertain for that weekend and you are not able to leave your kids to make the long drive. Wedding couple will understand when they have a family!

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to accept an invitation and then not show up. For anything. This is Manners 101. Don't blame this on being on the spectrum. If you no longer want to go, cancel. Just stop trying to make people agree that the rules don't apply to you.

Omg didn't read all the posts is she blaming this on aspergers or something.

Go to the wedding and stop being a douche op, aspergers or not.

It is rude to accept an invitation and then not show up. For anything. This is Manners 101. Don't blame this on being on the spectrum. If you no longer want to go, cancel. Just stop trying to make people agree that the rules don't apply to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, you should not have said yes. You can't cancel now

Most you could do is decide that DH stays home with kid(s).

+1

You committed and others have made plans around yours. Suck it up and go.

Don't cancel now. How rude to your mom. I have driven 10 hours each way for a kids event that was 6 hours long. Big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Why'd you say yes if your cousin is so distant -- and it's 12 hours away and is a no-kid wedding?

If you do bail, at the least send $$$ to your cousin to cover your plate and $$$ to your mom should she incur any charges for changing HER plans. This on top of whatever gift you were going to be giving ...

Also consider whether bailing at this stage would impact relationships with family members you DO care about (presumably your mother at the least).

When you accepted, I suspect you knew about the various events you claim are impediments to going.

No, I did not. I absolutely did not. I RSVP'ed months ago - and just got the test date last week and I can't change it.

It isn't a "distant" cousin - just one that I haven't seen for a long time. Other cousins and relatives who I also want to see will be there, but of course no kids. I've known about the no-kid thing from the get go.

Of course I would send money to my cousin to cover my plate and a gift. No question. I'm not that dumb. My mom was already planning to come here (to see grandkids) and would have to fly back at some point anyway.

Why'd you say yes if your cousin is so distant -- and it's 12 hours away and is a no-kid wedding?

If you do bail, at the least send $$$ to your cousin to cover your plate and $$$ to your mom should she incur any charges for changing HER plans. This on top of whatever gift you were going to be giving ...

Also consider whether bailing at this stage would impact relationships with family members you DO care about (presumably your mother at the least).

When you accepted, I suspect you knew about the various events you claim are impediments to going.

Anonymous wrote:Op - - you need to develop the ability to imagine farther into the future, the pros the cons the inconveniences, and make better decisions.

My take away from that is to never say yes to anything, because if I imagine into the future, all sorts of things could happen. I don't have a crystal ball.

Tell them soon that you can't go, so they don't waste money on paying for people who don't go. No, you don't have to go. Send a gift.

OMG, cancel and send a generous cash gift, at least twice what your presence at the wedding would have cost (which doesn't sound that exorbitant from what you say).

You will feel so much better.

Op - - you need to develop the ability to imagine farther into the future, the pros the cons the inconveniences, and make better decisions.

Anonymous wrote:ETA Mom did not incur any additional expenses when she cancelled within a few minutes of booking. Just FYI.

That doesn't make it any less rude or inconsiderate to the bride and groom. It just makes it lucky for your mom. FYI.

ETA Mom did not incur any additional expenses when she cancelled within a few minutes of booking. Just FYI.