Anonymous
05/18/2015 17:06
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else think maybe the overheard wives were being a little tongue in cheek and the author fell for it?
Absolutely. When my husband gets his annual bonus, we each take a certain amount of it for our own use. Someone with certain biases in how they view SAHMs and the balance of power in marriages with SAHMs might see if as him giving me a "bonus," and I might even joke about it as such. But in reality, we don't view it that way, we view it as both sharing in the spoils, and we agree together to what extent we do that.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 17:04
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I thought the article was a little wobbly, but I am a SAHM and my DH always gives a me a percentage of his yearly bonus, to spend or save as I want. This has never changed based on my "performance".
Does he give you 50%? This is what disturbed me about the article - legally your husband's bonus earned during your marriage is not "his" bonus but rather a marital asset and as such should be divided 50/50 (or would be so divided in divorce). These women are selling themselves way short in the context of their contribution to home/family/relationship and the article did not help me to understand why. self-confidence? lack of ambition? lack of confidence that the legal system would treat them any better in divorce?
Is that really true? NY is not a community property state so assets are not automatically split 50/50. In such a state, wouldn't the SAHM be entitled to NOTHING? Because she didn't earn it herself. Husband takes all.
No, that's not how it works at all. Common law property states don't presume 50/50 division of property the way community property states do, but lots of things will still be considered marital property unless it's clear the spouses intended for it all to be separate, and will be split equitably. If that paycheck goes into a joint bank account and pays the mortgage on a house titled in both spouses' names, that account and that house will be treated as marital property.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 17:00
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Allowances are 't just for SAHMs! My husband has an allowance of 350 per paycheck and I have an allowance of 400 per paycheck and we both work.
You can't trust each other to simply buy what you need and discuss any wants together? We both work but I don't get the allowance thing unless one or both of you are serious spenders.
We trust each other and we aren't serious spenders (if that weren't the case, the allowance system wouldn't stop it from being an issue because we can still spend joint money on stuff for the house, kids, etc.), it just makes life simpler. If I know I need $300 in new shoes for this summer because everything from past seasons is worn out, I don't need to run it by him, I can just decide to do it without having to explain/justify. It's not factor between us if I want to buy department store cosmetics instead of CVS brand or he wants to buy a new set of golf clubs to replace a perfectly serviceable set, even though we're also trying to save for a vacation or new living room furniture. We could work all of this out between ourselves without the allowance system, the allowance system just makes it easier.
+1 make things easier with my husband.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:55
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anyone else think maybe the overheard wives were being a little tongue in cheek and the author fell for it?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:55
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Allowances are 't just for SAHMs! My husband has an allowance of 350 per paycheck and I have an allowance of 400 per paycheck and we both work.
You can't trust each other to simply buy what you need and discuss any wants together? We both work but I don't get the allowance thing unless one or both of you are serious spenders.
We trust each other and we aren't serious spenders (if that weren't the case, the allowance system wouldn't stop it from being an issue because we can still spend joint money on stuff for the house, kids, etc.), it just makes life simpler. If I know I need $300 in new shoes for this summer because everything from past seasons is worn out, I don't need to run it by him, I can just decide to do it without having to explain/justify. It's not factor between us if I want to buy department store cosmetics instead of CVS brand or he wants to buy a new set of golf clubs to replace a perfectly serviceable set, even though we're also trying to save for a vacation or new living room furniture. We could work all of this out between ourselves without the allowance system, the allowance system just makes it easier.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:52
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I thought the article was a little wobbly, but I am a SAHM and my DH always gives a me a percentage of his yearly bonus, to spend or save as I want. This has never changed based on my "performance".
Does he give you 50%? This is what disturbed me about the article - legally your husband's bonus earned during your marriage is not "his" bonus but rather a marital asset and as such should be divided 50/50 (or would be so divided in divorce). These women are selling themselves way short in the context of their contribution to home/family/relationship and the article did not help me to understand why. self-confidence? lack of ambition? lack of confidence that the legal system would treat them any better in divorce?
Is that really true? NY is not a community property state so assets are not automatically split 50/50. In such a state, wouldn't the SAHM be entitled to NOTHING? Because she didn't earn it herself. Husband takes all.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:48
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:DS is at an independent school here in NWDC.
This manner of "keeping" a woman absolutely goes on in a SUBSET of private school world. My entirely non-scientific observation of the population in just one school reveals that the most common neighborhoods where you'd find this are
Kenwood
Somerset
Wesley Heights
Village of Chevy Chase
further, although these ^^^ women do have a degree from a top 25 university, they've frequently never actually had a true career. i.e., she went to U Penn, got a humanities degree, held a couple of fun, safe, not-terribly-demanding jobs that her mom or dad's connections got for her (at Kennedy Center, a gallery, in "marketing" in NYC). Then she met Master at age 26, got engaged, had first kid at 28.5 and has never worked a day since.
I'll be honest and admit that this basically describes me and my friends and a lot of the women in my neighborhood and at our school. I also have several girlfriends living in Manhattan. I have never once heard anyone mention anything like a wife bonus ever.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:19
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
She seemed ambivalent before she did it. She's very bright and a people person. I think they intended to have more children and she had trouble staying pregnant between their two kids. I imagine she'll return to work when the younger one is in MS.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:15
Subject: Wife Bonuses
PS: and you aren't a whore. These were gifts.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 16:14
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:So heres something I will never admit in real life. In my early 20s I dated a married man. He was really wealthy and gave out wads of cash often. He would say things like "go shopping on me" or "try ABC spa and think of me" or " why don't you go look at cars". It was his exit tool, one that probably worked on many women before and after me. I just decided to hoard the cash. I put it in an account and when we broke up it was around 33k ("dated" for about 2 years). I invested it in a risky tech start up a few years later (mid 90s) and got fairly lucky. I bought a house and have never had a mortgage all because of my whore self.
I would actually give you a high-five - not because of the married man thing, but because of your financial savvy. Most young women in your position would opt for consumption, and blowing that money on rapidly depreciating assets (cars, clothes etc.). You actually had enough brains to put them into an appreciating asset - first, a bank account, then, your house! Good for you!
Anonymous
05/18/2015 15:53
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Allowances are 't just for SAHMs! My husband has an allowance of 350 per paycheck and I have an allowance of 400 per paycheck and we both work.
You can't trust each other to simply buy what you need and discuss any wants together? We both work but I don't get the allowance thing unless one or both of you are serious spenders.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 15:37
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Allowances are 't just for SAHMs! My husband has an allowance of 350 per paycheck and I have an allowance of 400 per paycheck and we both work.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 15:31
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:This is dangerously close to prostitution.
Close? The women are nothing more than employees contracted to run the household and provide sex. I'd say they are dead on prostitutes.
How many of these women would stay in the "positions" if the Wife Bonus was taken away? Yeah, not many.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 15:10
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
LOL and how much money does he get for himself?
Whatever he wants to spend on escorts.
My husband is very, very frugal . He's like the crazy Asian lady a while back. He spends very little.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 15:05
Subject: Re:Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So heres something I will never admit in real life. In my early 20s I dated a married man. He was really wealthy and gave out wads of cash often. He would say things like "go shopping on me" or "try ABC spa and think of me" or " why don't you go look at cars". It was his exit tool, one that probably worked on many women before and after me. I just decided to hoard the cash. I put it in an account and when we broke up it was around 33k ("dated" for about 2 years). I invested it in a risky tech start up a few years later (mid 90s) and got fairly lucky. I bought a house and have never had a mortgage all because of my whore self.
Well, as long as the man never left his wife and you didn't pressure him to do so and he used a condom, I say go on with your whore self.
I kind of love your whore self. Good for you, you were smart.