Anonymous
05/11/2015 08:12
Subject: Asexual child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No - she said she physically can find people attractive (ie "oh, he's cute!) but does not ever think about being intimate with them. Never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend, for that matter.)
This is okay. She may be a late bloomer, or she may be asexual. Sexuality can be fluid. Her stance may change. MANY people had not had a boyfriend or girlfriend by age 17, or even 18 or 19. She doesn't need to rush to define herself and then go proclaiming it to the world. I would really just say "Okay. I love you no matter what. Please be open to the idea that your feelings can shift as you grow, and whether they do shift or solidify, I will still always love you."
I just don't understand this line of thinking. There have been a lot of posts like this, and I'm sure most of you mean well. But why is it that if a teen girl had a boyfriend (as many do), that would be that? We just accept that she's straight, say, "Oh, cute," and certainly aren't telling her "don't label yourself as straight so quickly! You could end up bisexual, or lesbian later in life! Sexuality is fluid!" It's very demeaning to people whose sexual orientation is not straight, whether said person is homosexual, bisexual, or asexual.
Anonymous
05/10/2015 10:10
Subject: Re:Asexual child?
Anonymous wrote:http://www.asexuality.org/home/ is a good resource for anyone who wants to learn about asexuality.
A lot more people are asexual than you'd think. Asexuality is often misunderstood. For example, not all asexuals are exactly the same. Some have no sex drive, ever. Some masturbate, but have no desire for sex with another person. Some are totally repulsed by sex, others are willing to have sex (to please a partner, or to make a baby).
Having a low sex drive, or having your sex drive drop due to a medical issue is not the same as being asexual. Being celibate is not the same thing, either.
Many (but not all) asexuals do experience romantic attraction. They may still want to date or marry, and to do all the things couples do-- except sex.
What's the point of the label if the experience is so diverse? And why wouldn't you include someone with no sex drive for medical reasons? This is all just gibberish to me. I can believe that there's a phenomenon that is clinical asexuality - somebody who has all their testosterone suppressed, for example. But beyond that, sex drive is so complicated that there's no way you can label everyone "asexual" unless your main goal is to create a label and a webpage for yourself.
Anonymous
05/10/2015 10:10
Subject: Asexual child?
I think I would have a bigger fear of possible sexual abuse or misconduct against her. Did something scare her? Really turn her off? Not having an interest in masturbation seems like a red flag to me but is entirely possible. It's so hard to know the statistical truth about women and masturbate because of centuries of lying about it.
Anonymous
05/10/2015 10:06
Subject: Asexual child?
I would be respectful but not take it too seriously. This is certainly an internet fad, and you want to avoid doing anything that entrenches her more in this identity, either positive or negative. Maybe offer to let her see a therapist if she'd like it.
Anonymous
05/10/2015 09:57
Subject: Re:Asexual child?
She is too young to know if this is a phase, normal development or if she actually is asexual. My brother was 'asexual' until he was about 23. I actually AM asexual even though I will do stuff with my husband because I know HE very much isn't asexual. It's great to talk about these things with your daughter if she comes to you...but don't call it asexual. Please, seriously, stay away from the labels!!! This way if she discovers an interest in sex later she won't be freaked out because she is losing her identity. Labels are not necessary here.
Anonymous
05/10/2015 09:29
Subject: Asexual child?
Definitely find out if she wants to talk to someone OP. It'd be tragic if she felt she couldn't change her mind later after declaring herself asexual and then missed out on the joys of a sexual/romantic relationship. Just make sure she's making a clear-eye choice and nothing is wrong.