Anonymous
Post 05/07/2015 13:10     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Think about it this way, it is more the personality of the child as to this so-called "unspoken connection". I have more of that with one of my boys than I do with my daughter. She has that with her dad. I can see this son of mine living with or near me forever, my daughter will be gone for good when she is 18, off to conquer the world, just the person she is.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2015 12:38     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My mom and I were super close and she died before my sons (now preschooler and toddler) were born. I was SO upset when I found out I wasn't going to have a girl (we are done). But now, I'm so grateful for my boys. I see them developing an amazing brotherly bond and they have so much love for their mama - even now in preschool, the girls are bringing drama.

Adult men can be close with their mothers, too. My DH is close with his mom. Build a strong family unit and enjoy being a boy mom. I came around


My mother died, too, and though I didn't think I had a preference, I was definitely sad when I found out the baby I'm carrying is a boy. We are one and done, so I will never have a daughter. I cried when thinking about how I can't pass down my mother's jewelry. And that I'll never experience that special mother/daughter bond from the other side (my mom and I were very close). I just let myself be sad for awhile and now I am actually super psyched to be having a boy. I'm not sure what helped me turn the corner other than just letting myself "grieve" for a little bit. I do have nieces that I love very much and to whom I can pass their grandmother's things down, so that helps. My DH is close with his mom, too, and my mom's brothers are close to their mother. And I think actually that it might be psychologically healthier for me to have this boy, as I won't be putting pressure on a daughter in order to try and recreate my lost mother-daughter relationship in some way.


I'm the pp and I totally agree. My relationship with my mother was amazing but incredibly intense (in a good way) and I feel like it would have been an enormous amount of pressure had I had a girl. There are simply no guarantees of relationship, regardless of gender. I know you said you are one and done but just to mention - when I found out my second child was a boy, I was actually happy (if you had known me prior to having kids you'd never have believed this would be possible because I wanted a girl so badly). I had fallen so in love with my older son that I realized how amazing it is to be a mom of a little boy. Now I have two and I couldn't imagine, or be happier with, anything else.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 20:15     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I wonder if people feel this way about never having a son. I have one of each, but always wanted a boy and I think I would have always wanted a boy if I hadn't had one.

I think the mother-daughter relationship is intense, which can be as often bad as it is good. Boys love heir mothers and it somehow seems simpler even as adults.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 19:56     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I've had feelings like this but they've gone away as my boys have gotten older. Don't let gender define your expectations for who your kids can be.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 19:20     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
i count my 2 daughters among the greatest blessings of my life. I love having daughters and I would be deeply sad not to have the experience of having daughters.

But I'm an only child with a senile mother who no longer recognizes me (at age 68) and I had to do IVF and spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant.

You win some, you lose some in life. You just have to focus on the positive things you've been given. Obnoxious and trite I know.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 16:51     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote: but I see a difference with how my girlfriends treat their mothers vs. mother-in-laws. I guess there's not much to say, just sad at the moment. Hoping for peace as well.


This is why I also hope for a daughter some day (don't know what #2 is yet). My son is so fun, and I really love raising a boy, and think I'd enjoy having a house full of boys. But the thought of some day being relegated to the role of mother in law makes me sad .

Of course, intellectually, I know that my son(s) could be gay, or perhaps marry an orphan, and therefore not have to deal with competition from another family...or that any daughter's I'd have would not have a close relationship with me, or that none of my kids would get married, or maybe they'd join the foreign service and raise their family overseas and I'd be lucky to see them once a year. But I figure in any of those situations, I'd have many years to come to terms with it and mourn the loss of the extended family I've imagined. When you find out in one instant that the sex of your child does not match what you've imagined, you mourn it all at once.

So it's okay to feel these feelings and allow yourself to process them.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 16:44     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:Wishing you peace, OP. I know it's not the same as raising one, but is there a special little girl in your life that you could build a special connection with? I have a cousin who did not have children of her own, but she has become (by their own design) an Auntie Mame to my daughter. She is like a sister to me and my daughter has her own unique bond with this "auntie." As she's gotten a little older and can care for her own basic needs now like eating & bathroom stuff, she has even enjoyed overnights for broadway shows etc.



This was me! My father's cousin had three boys and I became "the daughter he and his wife never had" and they spoiled me rotten. Yep, I had parents, but I also got to enjoy being part of another family. This poster has good advice - maybe there is a young girl in your or your husband's family that you can build a relationship with. Surely, it's not the same as having a daughter of your own ... but maybe it will turn out to be WAY MORE FUN!
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 16:11     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
To state the obvious, you should have left it at "I know this sounds ridiculous . . . ."
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 15:14     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I think there is a certain type of "reverence" that sons have for their moms that daughters don't. Boys can adore their momma in ways that girls generally don't - esp. if you raise them to be kind and respectful.

I have 2 sons (no daughters) and this is what I try to keep in mind.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 15:07     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I completely understand, OP. I too only have sons and would love to have a daughter. I don't really have advice except to say that you try to enjoy your sons as much as you can and help them become well-rounded, sensitive, caring people. And when you are feeling down, try to remember how blessed you are to have 3 precious children.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 15:03     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
girls hate their moms at age 11-30
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 15:03     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
I was surprised when I learned I was having a girl. Throughout the sonogram, I kept asking "but where's the penis? Where's the penis?" as the tech laughed at me. I was the proud mother of a great son and evidently had the idea that I would only have sons. Wrong!

So, I have a delightful little girl, whom I love dearly. But, truth be told, I am so much closer to my son. Gender has nothing to do with the bond I have with him. He and I click in a way that DD and don't. Do I adore my DD? You betcha! With all my heart.

I just want you to reconsider your assumption that you would naturally have a stronger connection to a little girl.

My mother and brother were besties. I had a deep connection to my father. Each child comes with its own Self. Sex is just a part of the complex package you give birth to.

I have as much fun dressing up DS as I do DD. They share a doll house which, along with the Fisher Price Tea Set, is their favorite toy in the house. They both play with dolls, some of which are called "action figures." You get a lot of the same memories with each.

Sometimes I miss having a third, but like you, I realize that it's a small something I have to deal with as I embrace the great fortune of having the children I do have.

I hope you're able to see opportunities with you boys and not hold back because you think there only something you can enjoy with a DD.


This exactly
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 14:41     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:Its quite possible that a girl would not want to go to the spa. She may prefer baseball to dolls.


True. I have one son and one daughter. My daughter would prefer playing ball with her brother and dad to hanging out at the spa anyday. I agree with a PP that perhaps you could create a special bond with a niece, cousin, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 13:10     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Be grateful you have to healthy boys. You sound like my sister in law who still can't get over that she just had another son. Her baby is 3 months old and she's already focusing on number 3 (hoping for a girl) rather than her son.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 12:54     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
It is Ok to be sad. I doubt you and your daughter would have had a special bond of any kind different than you and your boys, but as a very girl identified woman who wanted three girls and got one boy and one girl, I completely understand your feeling. I love having a daughter. We don't have a special bond, but I love being a mom to a girl and would feel the way you feel if things were different.

But You know this sadness is fleeting. it will come and go, but the joy in your boys will be a permanent presence.