Anonymous wrote:Trashy.

+1. Don't expect much of an inheritance.

Just tell them that you've taken out a life insurance policy on the both of them.

Anytime you make a purchase be sure to say "we're spending your nursing home money! you'll have to go to a state facility now".

Jk. Kind of.

I do say this to my mom, but joking for sure. I tell her that if she wants to be put in The Upscale Elder Care she'd better watch her pennies. Otherwise she's gonna end up in Medicare Nursing Home and she won't like that...we laugh! It's hilarious! And terrifying!

I hope they have invested in long term care insurance.

They can die alone in the low income nursing home

Anonymous wrote:This is what my MIL says to DH and me all of the time. We have NEVER (I repeat, NEVER) asked for money nor have we ever given them the impression that we are waiting for them to croak. Honestly, when my MIL says this, it’s insulting to me.

The ILs are in the midst of a second home remodel and have repeatedly bragged about how expensive it is (heated floors, tiles, fancy faucet, etc) and then tell us how they are “spending money like it’s going out of style” and "we are spending your inheritance". Maybe they think it's funny. So far, I have not said anything but it’s starting to really grate on me. I hate confrontations and nothing good can come from one in this case but I don’t want to hear that phrase again.

I'm with most of the PPs who would not take any offense at this. Consider how you would react if it was your own parents making the same statements. Would you have viewed it as "bragging about how expensive it is" if your mother had talked to you about choosing faucets and flooring? Or would you think of it as sharing excitement? I would also think that the comments are an attempt at humor to offset some underlying feelings of guilt at spending money on themselves. And I'm curious, why does the "Spending money like it is going out of style" offend you?

The majority of your post is about how they are spending so much money, and comments about what they are spending their money on. ("second home remodel", heated floors"). If it as really just the one comment that bothered you, all the details about their choices wouldn't be relevant. Consider whether on some level you do resent their choices to spend money...

Anonymous wrote:It's a joke. Lots and lots and lots of old people say this. I think it's as common as "Workin' hard, or hardly working?"

Lighten up and say "Good thing we weren't counting on getting any!"

FWIW, my parents make that joke and there was never any contemplation that they would have ANY inheritance to give us. (For comparison, one of our set of grandparents died with $10K in the bank; the other died with about $47 -- depending on whether the social security check for the month had cleared or not!)

Mine, too! My grandparents also died without leaving anything, and while my parents are better-off than their parents were, I don't anticipate that they will have much of anything to leave besides their house. But they do joke about spending our inheritance. I always tell them I hope they do, since it's their money and they should use it to enjoy their retirement.

I agree, though, that tone and context matters, but I think that the best response is lighthearted.

Anonymous wrote:This is a very common phrase. Just let it go

It is surely common, but not in the sense you meant when you chose that word.

Anonymous wrote:It's rude to suggest their children are waiting for them to die so they can get the money. Just disrespectful and crude.

Indeed.

I'd answer with: "Hey, Mary (or John), weren't you taught it's rude to talk about money?".

Anonymous wrote:"just as long as the nursing home is prepaid! LOL! I'd hate to see you out on the street

Best response!!!

Anonymous wrote:This is what my MIL says to DH and me all of the time. We have NEVER (I repeat, NEVER) asked for money nor have we ever given them the impression that we are waiting for them to croak. Honestly, when my MIL says this, it’s insulting to me.

The ILs are in the midst of a second home remodel and have repeatedly bragged about how expensive it is (heated floors, tiles, fancy faucet, etc) and then tell us how they are “spending money like it’s going out of style” and "we are spending your inheritance". Maybe they think it's funny. So far, I have not said anything but it’s starting to really grate on me. I hate confrontations and nothing good can come from one in this case but I don’t want to hear that phrase again.

Next time tell them : Good. You can't take it with you and none of us get out of this life alive.
I'd take it one step further and help with the remodel making my preferences clear since in a few years it will all be mine anyway
Muaaaahahaha!

Ha ha, my IL's say they've spent our inheritance and are now working on my BIL's =) They like to spend on our kids (their only grandkids) and it's doubtful that BIL will add any, LOL

My in laws have a name for this: "SKIing" (spending our kids inheritance. Of course, there is no inheritance.l, but anyway. They are trying to be funny. Just smile and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously, you are not entitled to their money. Thus, spending what is theirs does not ruin your future. You alone are responsible for yourself.

I just thought of something, and sorry I've skipped some of the replies.

It could be that she says that because she feels guilty. She does feel like it's your DHs, and knows it's technically hers and her DH's, so her intellectual and emotional sides are at odds and she is conveying her guilt.

It's rude to suggest their children are waiting for them to die so they can get the money. Just disrespectful and crude.