Anonymous
Post 05/09/2015 03:45     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
From a WOHM's perspective, the last thing I want to do after work or on a weekend is supervise a play date for the 3-5 age group - that age group requires me to be more hands-on, and quite frankly, I just want to relax with my family. Play dates are stressful for me! No offense.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2015 22:54     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
We haven't invited anyone who doesn't really know us well already since October because we started to renovate our powder room, had issues pop up, and then were gone every weekend over the winter for ski team. Just now getting all of the various workmen (drywall, floor, granite, plumber, etc.) lined up.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2015 22:43     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.


OP here. We live in a nice home in a cul de sac community. Our house is not always perfect but I make the house presentable when we have company over. We usually only invite people over on the weekend that the cleaning lady comes. I will go grocery shopping to make sure we have food to serve our guests. Nothing out of the ordinary. People seem to have a great time when they come over. I just feel bad that no one reciprocates and my children have noticed.


OP, where did you move from? We moved here from a family-friendly little neighborhood in San Francisco, where everyone with kids or dogs socialized at the playground, the local eateries or the library. And we always socialized in each other's houses, watched each other kids on occasion, went on hikes, camping and even trips abroad with other families, and it felt like a community.

These are all activities that people don't engage in here. Larger yards mean no trips to the playground. We are in the suburbia (where are you?) and while there is a downtown area, it's stretched and people drive to it. There's no "neighborhood stroll". And everyone -- whether they work in or outside the home -- is overscheduled. Families here are larger, meaning more running around for children's activities, and less time to simply socialize. There are fewer dual-income families, so less disposable income. And yes, that means more SAHM moms -- but their day is filled with splitting the schedule between the older kids' needs and the younger ones at home. They might meet for coffee, but they are usually busy.

I had a similar shock when we moved, and the fact is, this is simply how people work here. Things will start to pick up once your children hit mid-elementary school age, because by 2nd grade, they will be vocal enough to influence their parent's schedule. "I want a playdate with Larla" often gets through at that age. Involvement with some other famlies -- church, Scouting, a Community summer pool -- will also start to break down some of these barriers. Seasonal sports -- not so much.

Keep instigating, though. Maybe you will find a kindred family friend, but at least, you will want to be known as the open-door home by your kid's friends. This will serve you well in the long run.


OP here. We moved from NYC! Our friends in NY all live in 2-3 bedroom homes in Manhattan. Their living spaces are obviously significantly smaller even if they cost several million dollars.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2015 22:41     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:OP, I"m confused. Did these people used to reciprocate at their house before you moved into your new home? If so, then I would reevaluate how you are acting about your new home because you are doing something to turn them off.


OP here. No, we have never been to these people's homes. When we first moved here and were renting, we didn't really invite people over. We were not settled in. Plus we didn't know anyone and had no one to invite.

I am not sure what I am doing wrong. When we invite, they always come. The families have been over to our home multiple times and we have a good time.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 12:20     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.


OP here. We live in a nice home in a cul de sac community. Our house is not always perfect but I make the house presentable when we have company over. We usually only invite people over on the weekend that the cleaning lady comes. I will go grocery shopping to make sure we have food to serve our guests. Nothing out of the ordinary. People seem to have a great time when they come over. I just feel bad that no one reciprocates and my children have noticed.


OP, where did you move from? We moved here from a family-friendly little neighborhood in San Francisco, where everyone with kids or dogs socialized at the playground, the local eateries or the library. And we always socialized in each other's houses, watched each other kids on occasion, went on hikes, camping and even trips abroad with other families, and it felt like a community.

These are all activities that people don't engage in here. Larger yards mean no trips to the playground. We are in the suburbia (where are you?) and while there is a downtown area, it's stretched and people drive to it. There's no "neighborhood stroll". And everyone -- whether they work in or outside the home -- is overscheduled. Families here are larger, meaning more running around for children's activities, and less time to simply socialize. There are fewer dual-income families, so less disposable income. And yes, that means more SAHM moms -- but their day is filled with splitting the schedule between the older kids' needs and the younger ones at home. They might meet for coffee, but they are usually busy.

I had a similar shock when we moved, and the fact is, this is simply how people work here. Things will start to pick up once your children hit mid-elementary school age, because by 2nd grade, they will be vocal enough to influence their parent's schedule. "I want a playdate with Larla" often gets through at that age. Involvement with some other famlies -- church, Scouting, a Community summer pool -- will also start to break down some of these barriers. Seasonal sports -- not so much.

Keep instigating, though. Maybe you will find a kindred family friend, but at least, you will want to be known as the open-door home by your kid's friends. This will serve you well in the long run.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 12:16     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP- Maybe it's not them. Perhaps they don't like you.

And oh- enough with the humble-bragging. Look elsewhere for friends.


STFU. NP here. If this PP is antisocial, maybe you are running across some moms like her? Ignore, and move on, and try to find some kids that your child talks about and asks for. I would bet your kids would much rather see them, and I would also bet that the parents have more in common than you realize. Don't try to choose for them, OP. And ignore any antisocial parents, like PP.



New -poster here.

Sounds like 11:12 has some anger issues. In all honesty 20:25 may have a point. It took me a while to learn that just because DD likes the kid, doesn't mean I'll want to spend time with the parents and if it isn't a drop off play-date how I feel about the parent definitely becomes a factor.


Oops- I meant that 10:25 may have a point.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 12:15     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP- Maybe it's not them. Perhaps they don't like you.

And oh- enough with the humble-bragging. Look elsewhere for friends.


STFU. NP here. If this PP is antisocial, maybe you are running across some moms like her? Ignore, and move on, and try to find some kids that your child talks about and asks for. I would bet your kids would much rather see them, and I would also bet that the parents have more in common than you realize. Don't try to choose for them, OP. And ignore any antisocial parents, like PP.



New -poster here.

Sounds like 11:12 has some anger issues. In all honesty 20:25 may have a point. It took me a while to learn that just because DD likes the kid, doesn't mean I'll want to spend time with the parents and if it isn't a drop off play-date how I feel about the parent definitely becomes a factor.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 11:56     Subject: Re:No one ever invites us over to their house
It might have to do with distance. I noticed most people seem to get to know neighbors or people who live very close by to them (5 min. drive). Perhaps you live further away.

Also noticed that those with older kids don't make as much of an effort for their preschoolers (because the older kid has sports, elem. school, and they are busy)
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 11:56     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
OP, I"m confused. Did these people used to reciprocate at their house before you moved into your new home? If so, then I would reevaluate how you are acting about your new home because you are doing something to turn them off.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 11:51     Subject: Re:No one ever invites us over to their house
Don't forget:

There are some who may think that you like to entertain more than they do. They see that you do it well, and will always come to your house, but never invite you over. My MIL has complained about this for years.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 11:43     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:I have never reciprocated invites because I am embarrassed about some aspects of my house .


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 11:12     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
Anonymous wrote:OP- Maybe it's not them. Perhaps they don't like you.

And oh- enough with the humble-bragging. Look elsewhere for friends.


STFU. NP here. If this PP is antisocial, maybe you are running across some moms like her? Ignore, and move on, and try to find some kids that your child talks about and asks for. I would bet your kids would much rather see them, and I would also bet that the parents have more in common than you realize. Don't try to choose for them, OP. And ignore any antisocial parents, like PP.

Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 10:25     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
OP- Maybe it's not them. Perhaps they don't like you.

And oh- enough with the humble-bragging. Look elsewhere for friends.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 10:08     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
As much as I love when my kid has playdates, I just don't want in my house. I want kids to play outside, to run around, build a tree house, throw some water bombs, build a snowman or jump in the rain. I'll gladly have them home if they want to watch a movie but please don't run around inside my house.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2015 09:12     Subject: No one ever invites us over to their house
I don't host often because I don't like cleaning up. We are reasonably clean but not always, "company ready," and I find it stressful to prep my house for others.