DCUM Forum

Anonymous

05/03/2015 07:42 Subject: Re:Sex & dinner Date

If a woman I am newly dating comes to my place especially for dinner and we start making out, the expectation is that it will lead to sex. To go through the preliminaries and then decline sex can lead to misunderstanding.

I don't blame OP for declining sex - that is her call. I do question her judgement in going to his place.

Anonymous

05/03/2015 01:44 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy. Under no circumstances should a guy pull out the dinner at his place card so soon. That's like maybe fourth date at the earliest. You wait until things are definitely getting towards the serious and exclusive stage.

And unless they are OK with sleeping with him, women should reject that date idea and ask to do something different.

Don't walk into something you do not want to do. Problem solved.

Since when did dinner at someone's home or going to someone's home mean you're having sex???

I get where both quoted posters are coming from. Going to someone's home is NOT an explicit agreement to have sex. And anyone who thinks it is not someone you should be dating.

That said, unless you're into public sex, public dates generally remove the opportunities/expectations for sex. Going to someone's home unarguably raises the opportunities for sex, and as evidenced by several posters here, the expectations of some people.

You can't know whether the guy is one of those people with those expectations after just one date. This whole story has proven that. You also can't know whether he will take no for an answer. Luckily this guy did. It's just not safe to go to the home of someone you met online who you've only been on one date with.

Anonymous

05/03/2015 00:10 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy. Under no circumstances should a guy pull out the dinner at his place card so soon. That's like maybe fourth date at the earliest. You wait until things are definitely getting towards the serious and exclusive stage.

And unless they are OK with sleeping with him, women should reject that date idea and ask to do something different.

Don't walk into something you do not want to do. Problem solved.

Since when did dinner at someone's home or going to someone's home mean you're having sex???

Anonymous

05/03/2015 00:08 Subject: Re:Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:You all are nuts! I can't believe how OP is getting piled on. I think it is perfectly reasonable to think that a dinner date is just a dinner date. I'd want to see how a guy lives before deciding about getting more serious, and I don't mean immediately deciding. Visiting someone at home is just another way to learn what they are like. And if you are interested in a man and he invites you to his home for dinner on the second date, how should a woman respond? "Yes, I'd love that, but only if you are not assuming that my "yes" means I'll be sleeping with you that night." It would be really awkward! If you are attracted to a man but simply don't tend to move that fast, that should be okay. You might not know in advance if you will be ready to sleep with him or not. Good lord, you PPs who suggest OP was in the wrong are very simple minded.

I'm the OP - thank you for this! Honestly, I didn't even think twice about it but I was also very tired from a long three days of viewing/ funeral events and honestly having dinner at his house ( and a great meal - he loves to cook ) sounded very relaxing over going out to a restaurant. I don't see the big deal about someone inviting you over for dinner or vice versa on a second date. And realistically, guys expect sex after the 2-3rd date regardless where it is ...they're always hoping and rushing into the sack. And I agree, it would sound ridicolous to accept dinner at his house and Go through the whole I'm not sleeping with you if that's what you assume. It's not like I'm not attracted to him and not interested in sleeping with him...that night just wasn't the night!

Anonymous

05/02/2015 23:31 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Stop with "I won't have sex on the 2nd date" bs, what are you, in high school? He was right to be cold, who wants to deal with a prude. If you are attracted to him, and he to you, relax and have fun, stop living your life based on what DCUM thinks.

Sheesh.

You must be a guy who wants to stickhis d!ck anywhere you can.

Anonymous

05/02/2015 23:30 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you in high school? You blow him off- rejected him. He most likely thinks you are married or in another relationship.

She did not reject HIM. She rejected having sex with him on the SECOND DATE. When are you guys ever going to learn the difference?

(((CLAP))) (((CLAP))) (((CLAP))) (((CLAP)))

+1M

Anonymous

05/02/2015 23:05 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

I am a guy. Under no circumstances should a guy pull out the dinner at his place card so soon. That's like maybe fourth date at the earliest. You wait until things are definitely getting towards the serious and exclusive stage.

And unless they are OK with sleeping with him, women should reject that date idea and ask to do something different.

Don't walk into something you do not want to do. Problem solved.

Anonymous

05/02/2015 21:11 Subject: Re:Sex & dinner Date

You all are nuts! I can't believe how OP is getting piled on. I think it is perfectly reasonable to think that a dinner date is just a dinner date. I'd want to see how a guy lives before deciding about getting more serious, and I don't mean immediately deciding. Visiting someone at home is just another way to learn what they are like. And if you are interested in a man and he invites you to his home for dinner on the second date, how should a woman respond? "Yes, I'd love that, but only if you are not assuming that my "yes" means I'll be sleeping with you that night." It would be really awkward! If you are attracted to a man but simply don't tend to move that fast, that should be okay. You might not know in advance if you will be ready to sleep with him or not. Good lord, you PPs who suggest OP was in the wrong are very simple minded.

Anonymous

05/02/2015 18:13 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:You don't set foot in a persons home unless you plan to screw around. Period.

Ridiculous and wrong. If you communicate up front, i.e. "I would love to have dinner at your house. I need to be clear though, only if it's ok with you that we do NOT have sex. If I come over, we won't be having sex. Is that ok with you?" And get a clear yes.

If that happens, then NO ONE can complain about being disappointed or give a cold shoulder.

OP you're lucky you know who you're dealing with. Time to move on.

Anonymous

05/02/2015 17:12 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote: Chalk it up as a lesson learned and another ass I've met online!! where does a single upper 40 something meet a nice man?

OP, take a breather. This guy isn't the one for you and although you are invested, you also sound fatalistic to think that a guy for you is somewhere out there. Despite how you feel about him, you are worth much more than someone else's afterthought. I also wouldn't recommend a FWB or ONS situation, because you are already invested and WILL want more. He will only trash you.

And fwiw, I am mid-30s guy and mainly only date older women

, so we are out there. Your prospects don't end with this 'officer and gentleman' dude.

Anonymous

05/02/2015 09:01 Subject: Re:Sex & dinner Date

Or OP could just text him and say "clearly we are looking for different things. Thanks for dinner. Now we should go our separate ways." And giving his ego quite the kick in the teeth and leave him examining his jerk behavior (or not, because he is a guy).

Anonymous

05/02/2015 08:46 Subject: Sex & dinner Date

Anonymous wrote:I would expect him to possibly warm up soon...the ole...I cool it and show less interest and she will get desperate thinking she is going to lose this good thing, me, and next time she will put out.

BTW...good move...not allowing his...and I am a man.