Anonymous
Post 04/22/2015 09:01     Subject: Re:Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:


With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?


Because kids need to figure out how to hang out with a friend, think up activities to do, and resolve disagreements in a less structured environment where they are not being told what to do by an adult every second.

I agree but that means cut back on activities and tell the kids to go bike and play. Organizing their friends is hovering.


I don't know what you mean by "organizing their friends." My son tells me who he wants to invite over for a play date, if anyone. I send the mom an email asking if the kid can come. Since many of his friends can't read too well, it probably wouldn't work for him to do that on his own. He just turned 6, and isn't all that great of a bike rider, so he can't bike to a friend's house yet. There is one boy he is friends with who lives within walking distance, and they can get together more informally, but if he indicates an interest in getting together with other boys, I'm happy to take less than 5 minutes to send the email.


So have your 6yr old call the other boy and ask to come over. Did your parents call other moms for you or tell you to? Parents setting up playdates is hovering and scheduling for your child.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2015 00:18     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
I hate pladmates and only arrange them because DC begs. Always thought it unnecessary because he sees these kids at school 5 days/week but during a period when he was having trouble staying focused his teacher told me that play dates can be a way of heading that off.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 23:50     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
OMG, people have a weird idea of what a "playdate" is. It goes like this:

"Mom, can so and so come over to play?"

[I don't know. Let me call so and so's parent and see if we can find a good time. Hello, Ms. So and So? Larla's mom here. She'd like to have your daughter come and play. Do you have time this weekend? Sunday between soccer and visiting Grandma? Sure that works. I can drop her off at home, if you like--I have time.]

Appointed time:

"Hi, So and So! Let's play ninja princesses!"

Later:

"Mom, may we have a snack?"

Later:

"Mom, we're going to the backyard!"

Later:

"Mom, can we have another snack?"

That's pretty much it. There's no hyper organizing or micromanaging. It's really a matter of getting Kid A and Kid B in the same space to play with a supervising parent within shout's reach.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 23:22     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
I once had a child's parents just forget to pick her up. It was an after school play date that was supposed to end at 5:00. By 5:45 I started calling the parents at home and work. By6:30 I made her dinner. The mom showed up at 7:30. I never let the child know her mom was late, I didn't want to upset the kid. But I was pissed and feel very sorry for the child.

Some people are nuts!
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 22:09     Subject: Re:Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?


Because kids need to figure out how to hang out with a friend, think up activities to do, and resolve disagreements in a less structured environment where they are not being told what to do by an adult every second.


I agree but that means cut back on activities and tell the kids to go bike and play. Organizing their friends is hovering.


Huh? Who are they going to "go bike and play with" if they don't have friends right near their house. Not everyone has that luxury. Do you not understand that some people have to actually plan time for other kids to come over so that they can "go bike and play."
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 22:06     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't do playdates. No matter how many times you ask, we'll be busy. You should deal only with overprogramming busybodies like yourself, all other parents will fall short in one way or another.[/quote]



How is finding time for kids to play with their friends in an unstructured way "overprogramming"? Overprogramming IMO is having a different extracurricular activity 6 days a week so your kid has no time to just play. We place a high value on our kids developing good social skills and so keeping time in our life for play and friends is more important than doing lots of sports or classes. Similarly, I make time to see my own friends for my own emotional well being and to model to my kids that it is an important part of life.

If you don't think it's important for your child to have friends, do you not have friends either?
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 21:43     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:We don't do playdates. No matter how many times you ask, we'll be busy. You should deal only with overprogramming busybodies like yourself, all other parents will fall short in one way or another.[/quote]

Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 16:48     Subject: Re:Playdates... so annoying


With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?


Because kids need to figure out how to hang out with a friend, think up activities to do, and resolve disagreements in a less structured environment where they are not being told what to do by an adult every second.

I agree but that means cut back on activities and tell the kids to go bike and play. Organizing their friends is hovering.


I don't know what you mean by "organizing their friends." My son tells me who he wants to invite over for a play date, if anyone. I send the mom an email asking if the kid can come. Since many of his friends can't read too well, it probably wouldn't work for him to do that on his own. He just turned 6, and isn't all that great of a bike rider, so he can't bike to a friend's house yet. There is one boy he is friends with who lives within walking distance, and they can get together more informally, but if he indicates an interest in getting together with other boys, I'm happy to take less than 5 minutes to send the email.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 16:42     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
I put up with some annoying parents so that my kid can spend time with kids he likes. My mom did it for me, though I didn't realize it at the time.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 15:58     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
We don't do playdates. No matter how many times you ask, we'll be busy. You should deal only with overprogramming busybodies like yourself, all other parents will fall short in one way or another.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 15:49     Subject: Re:Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:
With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?


Because kids need to figure out how to hang out with a friend, think up activities to do, and resolve disagreements in a less structured environment where they are not being told what to do by an adult every second.


I agree but that means cut back on activities and tell the kids to go bike and play. Organizing their friends is hovering.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 11:39     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
OP, what's the big deal, you don't have an extra sandwich lying around or you are so broke you can't order pizza for the kids?
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 11:37     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.


So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.


I'm not the PP, but that's basically what we've done, and it's worked out fine so far. Oldest child is in middle school.


Same here. Got 3 kids, oldest is 8, never scheduled a playdate, everything is fine. It's not necessary at all.


Why? Is it too much effort for you? Don't you think your children are missing out? What is your background, curious?


Other priorities. No, I don't think they're missing out. I was born in the US; so was my partner.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 11:33     Subject: Playdates... so annoying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.


So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.


I'm not the PP, but that's basically what we've done, and it's worked out fine so far. Oldest child is in middle school.


Same here. Got 3 kids, oldest is 8, never scheduled a playdate, everything is fine. It's not necessary at all.


Why? Is it too much effort for you? Don't you think your children are missing out? What is your background, curious?


Another PP here -- my kid spends 5 days a week playing with friends at preschool. he doesn't need playdates too. the playdate thing is ridiculous.

Not sure what my background has to do with it, but I have had a Top Secret security clearance so you can rest assured I'm safe.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2015 11:28     Subject: Playdates... so annoying

I'm sorry your child had these bad experiences.

The lesson here is that you should get to know the parents FIRST, before arranging playdates just for the sake of having playdates. There needs to be trust established and effective communication before the playdate happens.