Anonymous
Post 04/19/2015 12:12     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have just waited ten years to have them. Having them in my teens rather than my 20s means I simply didn't know a lot of things about what kids need. I'd have nursed longer, been more focused on them and bonding and attachment when they were babies,etc.


duh.


troll
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2015 12:11     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:What about $? Would you save more or save it differently? How do you approach the $ discussion now? Is it annually decision tpe of thing or do you define how it is to be used?


I would have set up a college savings plan (529) for each kid. It was really stupid not to, but we didn't have much money back then. We didn't really think about it, expected we'd get financial aid when the time came. I would have put more money into retirement accounts, which are excluded from consideration when you apply for FA. That was really, really stupid. We thought we'd do better investing on our own, and we did, but now our retirement money is not protected from college costs, so our DD has to go to a public college, not the private she'd prefer.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2015 12:06     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:I would have just waited ten years to have them. Having them in my teens rather than my 20s means I simply didn't know a lot of things about what kids need. I'd have nursed longer, been more focused on them and bonding and attachment when they were babies,etc.


duh.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2015 12:00     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
I wish I'd cleaned our diet and our house of chemicals before DD was born! I wish I'd delayed vaccinating DD because of her multiple allergies and chemical sensitivities. I wish I'd listened to my gut instead of doctors and specialists who saw my child for 30 minutes, and then suddenly they knew more about my kid than I did. I wish I'd been smarter, been more patient, let things go, been braver, been calmer.

The things I did right:
--making playing an instrument NOT an option. Told all my kids they have to play until they are 16, and then they can quit if they like. I would have started lessons at age 10, though for DD, who didn't like playing until she was 10.
--family meals and traditions. We eat together every night, no matter what. Holiday traditions started when the kids were small and I keep them up every year. Even small things loom large in their minds. My DD surprised me a few years ago by saying she didn't want to go to sleep away camp during July 4th because it was such an important holiday at home!! It was not much to me, just a special meal and some sparklers, but it meant a lot to her!
--no TV. We got rid of TV when DD was 18 months. Best decision I ever made, for all of us.
-- we don't drink. Never have. No alcohol in the house. DH's mother is an alcoholic, and we've told the kids they are vulnerable to alcoholism because of that. We've talked about alcohol from an early age. We don't make it appealing, because, to DH, drinking is horrible. Nothing pleasant about having your mom fall asleep drunk at the dinner table every night!
--set rules and boundaries that are stricter than a lot of other families, and stick to them, even when kids protest. I think it helps make them feel safer and protected. Relax the rules as they get older and show more responsible behavior.
-- follow my gut, not my head, when it comes to parenting. my gut tells me the truth, even when my head is directing me differently.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2015 11:50     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:I really wouldn't change anything. My eldest will not be going to an elite college (or, rather, the only "elite" college on the application list for next fall is W&M--you can decide whether you think they are elite), but he is a terrific kid, easy to get along with, fun and funny, has given us no trouble in high school. He has done well (if not stellar) in school and has very good (though not great) test scores. But he has great intellectual curiosity and is a great writer. I have no doubt that he will find a satisfying career and be a productive member of society. Not sure how much of that is due to DH and me and how much of that is just him, but whatever!

My younger child is in 6th grade. A good student, but too soon to tell whether he will be an "elite"-caliber student or not. I don't think it matters one way or another.


You sound like a great mom. Refreshing, given the majority point of view on DCUM, which is push as hard as possible to get your kid into the most prestigious college possible.

Do you live here? Or are you in CA or another more relaxed part of the country. Or are you just cool!
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 21:17     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:Would go further back and choose a far, far better man to be my husband and the father of my children.
+1. I hear you!
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 14:38     Subject: Re:If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.


I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.


LA is not more "diverse" than the Washington DC greater metro area. They're both ridiculously and wonderfully diverse in every definition of that word.


Having lived for long periods of time in both places, I can unequivocally say that yes, L.A. is much more diverse in every way than Washington. DC is lovely, but it feels like a small, socioeconomically segregated city compared to L.A. It's just a healthier place to raise children out there.


Funny, having lived both places, we reached a totally different conclusion. Both dh and I loved LA, but ultimately came back east to raise our kids because felt many aspects of the culture there too superficial, i.e. focus on physical appearance and weight starting at very young age, "Hollywood" lifestyle difficult too avoid in the private schools, and pretty crummy public schools. Add in the ridiculous cost of housing in a desirable area. We still hope to go back some day, but not until after kids are grown.


My guess is that, in both Metro areas, it depends on where you live. And each encompasses a pretty broad/diverse region.[/quote]

I think this is right. There are areas of any major city with affluent, highly performing private and public schools that have this rat race attitude, whether it is LA, SF, Chicago, DC, NYC, Boston, etc. I think a lot of this has more to do with socioeconomics than region.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 11:49     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't have chosen the most challenging high school. DC has done very well but success comes at the price of having little or no time/energy to explore and set your own challenges.


BINGO!


I agree as well. A lot of important developmental elements get sacrificed when we put kids through the grinder, things most of us grew up with. I learned this a little too late for child #1 but am well aware of it for child #2.

There's a whole generation of kids showing up at college too burned out to take advantage of it, kids who have no idea who they are or what they want because they've been programmed all their lives.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 09:48     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't have chosen the most challenging high school. DC has done very well but success comes at the price of having little or no time/energy to explore and set your own challenges.


BINGO!
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 09:47     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?


I would have moved from this area altogether and gone to an area where it wasn't near as competitive. The pressure from other kids/parents around here is beyond stupid.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 07:58     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
The best thing we did around age 7 was establish traditions for our family, some goofy, some not. We say grace before every dinner even though some of us are not religious, we camp often in very cold weather, we read together, order pizza every Friday night, and shoot off a ridiculous amount of fireworks on Fourth of July. Those are the things we remember.

As for school, I wish we had gotten help -- therapists, organizational tutors, reading tutors etc. -- sooner instead of wishing the problems would go away.

Anonymous
Post 04/18/2015 07:49     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Anonymous wrote:If I could go back in time -- not to age 7 but probably by age 9 or 10 -- I would have had more daughter evaluated for ADHD and LDs. We waited to do this until high school and it made the whole process so much more difficult. I wish I'd followed my gut and gotten her tested much earlier. Maybe this would have saved us and her so frustration and heartache, I don't know?
+1
My DD's montessori teacher said she had ADD tendencies, but with her scoring well, it was impossible to get testing trough her school or pediatrician. I think it has come back to bite her in high school. She has been accepted to some great schools with no diagnosis or intervention, but I wonder. Now she is offended at even the suggestion of testing...and I am worried about her college trajectory
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2015 23:54     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
Sorry that should read; "is it a mutual decision type of thing?"
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2015 23:53     Subject: If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?
What about $? Would you save more or save it differently? How do you approach the $ discussion now? Is it annually decision tpe of thing or do you define how it is to be used?