Anonymous wrote:OP here. Obviously I don't know what it's like to be a parent.
I agree with that 100%.
This experience did give me a good idea of what day to day life would be like.
These are my observations:
1. My house was an absolute mess by the time the children left.
2. I can't have nice furniture and have children.
3. I barely spoke to my husband. We were both too busy wrangling children to communicate about anything other than what was happening at the exact moment.
4. I didn't want to be touched by my husband at the end of the day.
5. I spent A LOT of money.
6. I felt like a zombie amd was exhausted the entire time.

I took 2 personal days in order to do this. I can't imagine having to work full-time, raise children and keep a house in order. These things, I feel, are fair representations of things you experience and go through being a parent. These things happen whether you're caring for your own children or someone else's child.

Anonymous wrote:OP, humans are unable to love other people's kids as their own. Don't fool yourself.

Not to say you should have kids, but your premise is flawed. Babysitting relatives' kids is quite different from experiencing parenthood.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

As a mom of two, I completely get your POV as well as the POV of the parents on this thread.

Everything that OP has said is true. Child rearing is hellishly exhausting and never-ending. It sucks up all your "me" time until you feel like a Zombie. Everything you think is tough about parenting is TRUE.

On the other hand, no one can explain how HUGE the little moments of joy is when your newborn smiles at you! The rewards of raising your kid is so immense that you cannot explain it to anyone. It has to be experienced.

My advice to newlyweds is - don't be in a hurry to procreate. and don't have a baby if your marriage is shaky.

In the end, parents raise their children because it brings them happiness, otherwise parents would abandon their children after the first few sleepless nights. Nature wires us to love our children and find satisfaction in raising them, above most other pleasurable activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with the peanut gallery that it *IS* different with your own kids, I also think in trying to drive that home, many of the PPs are missing the point.

I agree with OP that it is a good idea for couples trying to conceive to experience full-time child care before conceiving. While the majority of those who conceive want children desperately, many really aren't well suited to child care. Any couples who are on the fence about raising children, including those where one wants children and the other does not, should do this to get an idea of the amount of work and the change of lifestyle that would be required to have a family. I know that the PPs who are responding are right, that you love your own children to the point of making sacrifices that you would not make for anyone else, including beloved nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. However, look at the number of families where one parent abandons the family after kids; the ones where the family divorces acrimoniously and the children get stuck in the middle; the families where one spouse becomes "like a single parent" and then feels complete resentment about not have a participating co-parent; the families who have no idea what they were getting into and then are not prepared for the complete change of life-style. Many of them would be better off experiencing full-time childcare and maybe we'd have fewer chronic broken households and children living through break-up hell needing years and years of therapy to recover. And it wouldn't hurt a few couples to learn ahead of time what to expect and how hard the journey will be.

I agree that the sacrifice is worth it. I have two pre-schoolers and sometimes I do miss the pre-kids life. It was very hard journey for us to become parents and it continues to be a hard life at least for the next few years. But I think that this is not the life for everyone, including many who do have kids. Many might have reconsidered if they knew how much work it can be, the sacrifices that you have to make, the stress that you have to go through and the expense that many do not plan for. I think that the majority would do it again whole-heartedly, but there are still a small minority who probably could benefit from what OP proposes and might make a different choice.

I have to disagree with this a little. My youngest child is 13. The early years with children are very hard in many ways, but the sum total of the parenting experience is more than the 0 to 5 years. Children are infinitely more rewarding as they grow into the people they will become. I'm so glad I didn't realize fully the sacrifices we would have to make early on as parents, because the later years are so incredibly great.

How can you disagree with this?

I disagree that it's a good idea for people considering conceiving to do full time childcare first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with the peanut gallery that it *IS* different with your own kids, I also think in trying to drive that home, many of the PPs are missing the point.

I agree with OP that it is a good idea for couples trying to conceive to experience full-time child care before conceiving. While the majority of those who conceive want children desperately, many really aren't well suited to child care. Any couples who are on the fence about raising children, including those where one wants children and the other does not, should do this to get an idea of the amount of work and the change of lifestyle that would be required to have a family. I know that the PPs who are responding are right, that you love your own children to the point of making sacrifices that you would not make for anyone else, including beloved nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. However, look at the number of families where one parent abandons the family after kids; the ones where the family divorces acrimoniously and the children get stuck in the middle; the families where one spouse becomes "like a single parent" and then feels complete resentment about not have a participating co-parent; the families who have no idea what they were getting into and then are not prepared for the complete change of life-style. Many of them would be better off experiencing full-time childcare and maybe we'd have fewer chronic broken households and children living through break-up hell needing years and years of therapy to recover. And it wouldn't hurt a few couples to learn ahead of time what to expect and how hard the journey will be.

I agree that the sacrifice is worth it. I have two pre-schoolers and sometimes I do miss the pre-kids life. It was very hard journey for us to become parents and it continues to be a hard life at least for the next few years. But I think that this is not the life for everyone, including many who do have kids. Many might have reconsidered if they knew how much work it can be, the sacrifices that you have to make, the stress that you have to go through and the expense that many do not plan for. I think that the majority would do it again whole-heartedly, but there are still a small minority who probably could benefit from what OP proposes and might make a different choice.

I have to disagree with this a little. My youngest child is 13. The early years with children are very hard in many ways, but the sum total of the parenting experience is more than the 0 to 5 years. Children are infinitely more rewarding as they grow into the people they will become. I'm so glad I didn't realize fully the sacrifices we would have to make early on as parents, because the later years are so incredibly great.

How can you disagree with this?

I disagree that it's a good idea for people considering conceiving to do full time childcare first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with the peanut gallery that it *IS* different with your own kids, I also think in trying to drive that home, many of the PPs are missing the point.

I agree with OP that it is a good idea for couples trying to conceive to experience full-time child care before conceiving. While the majority of those who conceive want children desperately, many really aren't well suited to child care. Any couples who are on the fence about raising children, including those where one wants children and the other does not, should do this to get an idea of the amount of work and the change of lifestyle that would be required to have a family. I know that the PPs who are responding are right, that you love your own children to the point of making sacrifices that you would not make for anyone else, including beloved nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. However, look at the number of families where one parent abandons the family after kids; the ones where the family divorces acrimoniously and the children get stuck in the middle; the families where one spouse becomes "like a single parent" and then feels complete resentment about not have a participating co-parent; the families who have no idea what they were getting into and then are not prepared for the complete change of life-style. Many of them would be better off experiencing full-time childcare and maybe we'd have fewer chronic broken households and children living through break-up hell needing years and years of therapy to recover. And it wouldn't hurt a few couples to learn ahead of time what to expect and how hard the journey will be.

I agree that the sacrifice is worth it. I have two pre-schoolers and sometimes I do miss the pre-kids life. It was very hard journey for us to become parents and it continues to be a hard life at least for the next few years. But I think that this is not the life for everyone, including many who do have kids. Many might have reconsidered if they knew how much work it can be, the sacrifices that you have to make, the stress that you have to go through and the expense that many do not plan for. I think that the majority would do it again whole-heartedly, but there are still a small minority who probably could benefit from what OP proposes and might make a different choice.

I have to disagree with this a little. My youngest child is 13. The early years with children are very hard in many ways, but the sum total of the parenting experience is more than the 0 to 5 years. Children are infinitely more rewarding as they grow into the people they will become. I'm so glad I didn't realize fully the sacrifices we would have to make early on as parents, because the later years are so incredibly great.

How can you disagree with this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I get in "a mood" about having a dog, I take care of one of my friend's dogs for a week while they vacation. That week reminds me of how much work they are! Kids are totally different--exhausting and rewarding at the same time. You never knew how big your heart can be!

This post is fascinating to me. I find all the effort I've put into training my dog to be SO rewarding. Far better reward-for-effort ratio than raising a human.

But humans grow up to become independent adults. Dogs never get to be any less work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with the peanut gallery that it *IS* different with your own kids, I also think in trying to drive that home, many of the PPs are missing the point.

I agree with OP that it is a good idea for couples trying to conceive to experience full-time child care before conceiving. While the majority of those who conceive want children desperately, many really aren't well suited to child care. Any couples who are on the fence about raising children, including those where one wants children and the other does not, should do this to get an idea of the amount of work and the change of lifestyle that would be required to have a family. I know that the PPs who are responding are right, that you love your own children to the point of making sacrifices that you would not make for anyone else, including beloved nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. However, look at the number of families where one parent abandons the family after kids; the ones where the family divorces acrimoniously and the children get stuck in the middle; the families where one spouse becomes "like a single parent" and then feels complete resentment about not have a participating co-parent; the families who have no idea what they were getting into and then are not prepared for the complete change of life-style. Many of them would be better off experiencing full-time childcare and maybe we'd have fewer chronic broken households and children living through break-up hell needing years and years of therapy to recover. And it wouldn't hurt a few couples to learn ahead of time what to expect and how hard the journey will be.

I agree that the sacrifice is worth it. I have two pre-schoolers and sometimes I do miss the pre-kids life. It was very hard journey for us to become parents and it continues to be a hard life at least for the next few years. But I think that this is not the life for everyone, including many who do have kids. Many might have reconsidered if they knew how much work it can be, the sacrifices that you have to make, the stress that you have to go through and the expense that many do not plan for. I think that the majority would do it again whole-heartedly, but there are still a small minority who probably could benefit from what OP proposes and might make a different choice.

I have to disagree with this a little. My youngest child is 13. The early years with children are very hard in many ways, but the sum total of the parenting experience is more than the 0 to 5 years. Children are infinitely more rewarding as they grow into the people they will become. I'm so glad I didn't realize fully the sacrifices we would have to make early on as parents, because the later years are so incredibly great.

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with the peanut gallery that it *IS* different with your own kids, I also think in trying to drive that home, many of the PPs are missing the point.

I agree with OP that it is a good idea for couples trying to conceive to experience full-time child care before conceiving. While the majority of those who conceive want children desperately, many really aren't well suited to child care. Any couples who are on the fence about raising children, including those where one wants children and the other does not, should do this to get an idea of the amount of work and the change of lifestyle that would be required to have a family. I know that the PPs who are responding are right, that you love your own children to the point of making sacrifices that you would not make for anyone else, including beloved nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. However, look at the number of families where one parent abandons the family after kids; the ones where the family divorces acrimoniously and the children get stuck in the middle; the families where one spouse becomes "like a single parent" and then feels complete resentment about not have a participating co-parent; the families who have no idea what they were getting into and then are not prepared for the complete change of life-style. Many of them would be better off experiencing full-time childcare and maybe we'd have fewer chronic broken households and children living through break-up hell needing years and years of therapy to recover. And it wouldn't hurt a few couples to learn ahead of time what to expect and how hard the journey will be.

I agree that the sacrifice is worth it. I have two pre-schoolers and sometimes I do miss the pre-kids life. It was very hard journey for us to become parents and it continues to be a hard life at least for the next few years. But I think that this is not the life for everyone, including many who do have kids. Many might have reconsidered if they knew how much work it can be, the sacrifices that you have to make, the stress that you have to go through and the expense that many do not plan for. I think that the majority would do it again whole-heartedly, but there are still a small minority who probably could benefit from what OP proposes and might make a different choice.