Anonymous
04/06/2015 23:13
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
22
26
32
Yes
Yes
No
Supportive though they would have preferred us to wait a little while longer
26
32
Yes
Yes
No
Supportive though they would have preferred us to wait a little while longer
Anonymous
04/06/2015 23:09
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
They were fine with it.Anonymous wrote:Did you get married in your lower 20s? If so:
How old were you when you got married? 23 - almost 24
How old was your spouse? 33
How old are you now? 34
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? no. Separated after 5 years. Officially divorced after 8 years
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? No. I had no real adult understanding of commitment, relationships, and what it really means to be married.
Do you regret marrying at that age? I don't regret it because I think everything in life is a learning experience. But in hindsight, I was definitely not ready to be married that young.
What did your family think about it?
Anonymous
04/06/2015 23:05
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.
A number of reasons:
-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.
In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.
I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.
+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.
+2 and will love to have grandkids in my late 50s if it turns out that way.
I cannot even fathom what it would be like right now to have small children or even toddlers and then sending my kids to college when I'm rounding 60.
PP--My own parents married at 22 or so. They made it to 50 yrs the yr my dad died.
I was born when my parents were 45/42. My sister was 16yrs older than me and I really did not want to be an older parent. My parents started having health issues the yr I finished HS. They were early 60's at my graduation. I did not remember my own grandparents and I wanted my own kids to know my mom and dad.
There is no way I would want an infant at this age. I admire the women that do it though.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 22:48
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.
A number of reasons:
-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.
In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.
I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.
+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.
+2 and will love to have grandkids in my late 50s if it turns out that way.
I cannot even fathom what it would be like right now to have small children or even toddlers and then sending my kids to college when I'm rounding 60.
It would be a different experience than the one you have had with different pros and cons. I'm a young parent but nothing bugs me more than smug responses where people put down choices other than their own. To me, it smacks of insecurity.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 22:10
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Married at 23
Husband was 23
Still married 20 years later.
Very happy.
Glad I married young.
My parents were supportive, his thought we were too young and tried to derail the wedding. The relationship between me and his parents was damaged forever, though we do spend time together now and don't bring up the past. They disowned him financially, not that they were still giving him much, it was to make a point, but we both did fine, went to graduate school, had a few kids after we graduated, and are both successful and happy working professionals.
We were mature at 23 and totally capable of committing to one another at that age.
Husband was 23
Still married 20 years later.
Very happy.
Glad I married young.
My parents were supportive, his thought we were too young and tried to derail the wedding. The relationship between me and his parents was damaged forever, though we do spend time together now and don't bring up the past. They disowned him financially, not that they were still giving him much, it was to make a point, but we both did fine, went to graduate school, had a few kids after we graduated, and are both successful and happy working professionals.
We were mature at 23 and totally capable of committing to one another at that age.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 22:09
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.
I had so much adventurous sex in late high school and college that I didn't feel like I was missing much getting married at 24, to be honest. I had had multiple boyfriends prior to DH, as well as one night stands, weird nebulous fuck buddy relationships, hookups, explorations in kink, hooking up online, and I slept with a woman once. I was pretty safe (always used protection) and luckily never got any STDs, and by my early 20s I was pretty ready for monogamy and to stop fucking around.
If monogamy gets boring, DH and I may revisit the notion of opening things up in the future or having an occasional threesome, but so far monogamy works for us, and it hasn't been something either of us desires to explore.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 22:03
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 24
How old was your spouse? 24
How old are you now? 27 and 27
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes, coming on three years
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Of course--why would I have gotten married otherwise?
Do you regret marrying at that age? Not so far. Check back with me in a decade.
What did your family think about it? They were supportive, although no one expected me to get married so young, because I was one of the first to get married amongst my high school and college cohort (I grew up in high SES suburb of a major city). DH's family didn't find it weird at all because he grew up in a very religious family in the rural South.
We just felt like it was the right thing to do at the time and went for it, regardless of what other people's expectations were. It was good for logistical reasons (he could get on my health insurance when he was paid through a grant that didn't provide health insurance). It also gave us more weight navigating two careers than if we had been boyfriend and girlfriend when relocating for work. We don't have kids yet (although I lurk on this site because we are thinking about it--not ready to take the plunge yet) and feel like there is no rush.
How old was your spouse? 24
How old are you now? 27 and 27
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes, coming on three years
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Of course--why would I have gotten married otherwise?
Do you regret marrying at that age? Not so far. Check back with me in a decade.
What did your family think about it? They were supportive, although no one expected me to get married so young, because I was one of the first to get married amongst my high school and college cohort (I grew up in high SES suburb of a major city). DH's family didn't find it weird at all because he grew up in a very religious family in the rural South.
We just felt like it was the right thing to do at the time and went for it, regardless of what other people's expectations were. It was good for logistical reasons (he could get on my health insurance when he was paid through a grant that didn't provide health insurance). It also gave us more weight navigating two careers than if we had been boyfriend and girlfriend when relocating for work. We don't have kids yet (although I lurk on this site because we are thinking about it--not ready to take the plunge yet) and feel like there is no rush.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 22:00
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.
A number of reasons:
-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.
In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.
I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.
+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.
+2 and will love to have grandkids in my late 50s if it turns out that way.
I cannot even fathom what it would be like right now to have small children or even toddlers and then sending my kids to college when I'm rounding 60.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:55
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.
The purpose is the same as the purpose of any marriage: you fall in love and decide you want to spend the rest of your life together.
My spouse and I were 25. We are now almost 40. I never planned to get married so young, but that's when I met him and that's when it made sense for us. Thank goodness I didn't miss out on my husband because I wanted to wait for an arbitrary age limit!
+1
I made a supremely good choice, though I was only 20 when I met DH. But honestly, I always had good taste in men.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:51
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 22
How old was your spouse? 23
How old are you now? 40
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? yes
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? yes
Do you regret marrying at that age? nope
What did your family think about it? they were fine with it
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:48
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 24
How old was your spouse? 25
How old are you now? 49
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Still married
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes
Do you regret marrying at that age? Not really
What did your family think about it? No concerns
I do think it would have been fun to live longer as a single person. OTOH, I have no regrets about who I married, so it's hard to really wish things had gone differently.
A same-aged cousin (still married) and a close family friend (now divorced) both married the same year I did, so marrying at 24 hardly seemed unusual to my family.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:47
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Did you get married in your lower 20s? If so:
How old were you when you got married?
How old was your spouse?
How old are you now?
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married?
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age?
Do you regret marrying at that age?
What did your family think about it?
I was 23 when I got married.
My spouse was 29.
I am now 45.
We are still married.
Yes, I was mature enough. We'd dated for four years and known each other for five-and-a-half years.
I do not regret marrying; to the contrary, I'm pleased, because I had fertility problems and needed time and meds to conceive.
My family was pleased. My parents were married at age 20ish and have been happy together for nearly 56 years. My sister was married at age 19 and just celebrated her 34th anniversary. We are all extremely close.
FWIW, we are all successful, college-educated professionals. My husband and I have four children; the youngest is nearly 17.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:31
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Did you get married in your lower 20s? If so:
How old were you when you got married? I was two weeks into being 24.
How old was your spouse? He was 26.
How old are you now? 29.
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Nope! On paper we were married a year and a half, but we were only "together" as a married couple for three months or so.
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? No.
Do you regret marrying at that age? No, it was a life experience.
What did your family think about it? They were disappointed. (We eloped after a day of consideration - kinda dumb.)
Anonymous
04/06/2015 21:26
Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 23
How old was your spouse? 28
How old are you now? 39
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes we are still married.
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes
Do you regret marrying at that age? No. I regret the man I married, but not the age.
What did your family think about it? I think my parents thought I was a little young, but I also think they were glad I had at least graduated college. I had actually been engaged before (at 18) and they were not happy about that. Thankfully, that relationship ended before we married.
How old was your spouse? 28
How old are you now? 39
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes we are still married.
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes
Do you regret marrying at that age? No. I regret the man I married, but not the age.
What did your family think about it? I think my parents thought I was a little young, but I also think they were glad I had at least graduated college. I had actually been engaged before (at 18) and they were not happy about that. Thankfully, that relationship ended before we married.
Anonymous
04/06/2015 20:17
Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 20
How old was your spouse? 22
How old are you now? 35
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? still married
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? probably not but we seemed to make it work.
Do you regret marrying at that age? not at all. in fact, i love that DH and I have been able to "grow up" together and spend so much of our lives together. We waited 10 years to have kids and I feel like we really got time to enjoy each other before we had them.
What did your family think about it? My parents were surprised -- we're not religious or conservative and they never thought they'd have a daughter get married while still in college. They were in their early 30s when they were married. my inlaws were surprised and my MIL was I think a little disapproving but I think it had more to do with the concept of anybody marrying her baby boy at all, not our specific situation. However they were all quickly on board and gave us a lot of support (emotional and yes financial) in the early years and we are one big happy family 15 years on.
How old was your spouse? 22
How old are you now? 35
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? still married
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? probably not but we seemed to make it work.
Do you regret marrying at that age? not at all. in fact, i love that DH and I have been able to "grow up" together and spend so much of our lives together. We waited 10 years to have kids and I feel like we really got time to enjoy each other before we had them.
What did your family think about it? My parents were surprised -- we're not religious or conservative and they never thought they'd have a daughter get married while still in college. They were in their early 30s when they were married. my inlaws were surprised and my MIL was I think a little disapproving but I think it had more to do with the concept of anybody marrying her baby boy at all, not our specific situation. However they were all quickly on board and gave us a lot of support (emotional and yes financial) in the early years and we are one big happy family 15 years on.