Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

OP, you need to talk with your BIL. Not yell at him, but talk with him. Model for him what an adult does. You're looking for some acknowledgement from him that he messed up and that he's sorry. That's it.

Why should Op talk to BIL? Op isn't the one that BIL is visiting...right?

Huh? OP has a problem with BIL, She needs to talk with him about it. He's visiting in HER home. He wasn't there for her when she needed it and he said he'd be there. She needs to talk it out with him. He'll apologize. She'll feel better. And then he can go on visiting his brother. Win-win for everyone when someone acts like an adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

OP, you need to talk with your BIL. Not yell at him, but talk with him. Model for him what an adult does. You're looking for some acknowledgement from him that he messed up and that he's sorry. That's it.

Why should Op talk to BIL? Op isn't the one that BIL is visiting...right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

OP, you need to talk with your BIL. Not yell at him, but talk with him. Model for him what an adult does. You're looking for some acknowledgement from him that he messed up and that he's sorry. That's it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

OP here. When DH deployed, BIL said he would come help us as much as he could. Yes, my problem is that he couldn't find the time to come and help out when I asked but he is pretty much available every weekend now. He actually overstays his welcome and often spends the night. He will come unannounced and stay to eat. I feel everything about him bothers me now.

DH has told BIL his disappointment and BIL apologized to DH. I have never heard anything from BIL. He just continues to come over uninvited and overstays. I blew up at DH recently and said I don't want BIL at the house anymore.

Anonymous wrote:You people are ridiculous. If BIL was truly busy with school then he wouldn't have time to come around now either.

If I understand OP correctly that is the issue. Why does he suddenly have free time to come over now.

BIL sounds young and selfish.

Unfortunately OP isn't clear on what she asked of BIL to do, but in the end I don't think it is s too much to think he might stop by and play with his nieces and/or nephews. Even if he didn't like OP as someone suggested, or maybe especially if he doesn't like OP, I would think BIL would stop by occasionally to see the kids, maybe even take them out to the park to get some time away from OP.

I feel for OP. After a year of absence, BIL is now constantly at your house and I assume he's eating your food and staying for dinner you likely cook. It would burn my butt too.

OP is DH husband aware that BIL was not around while he was away? If these brothers are close enough that BIL is over regularly I would think DH would want to know that his brother can't be counted on.

So OP, as long as you aren't looking for BIL to stand in for your husband while he's away, I think it is perfectly fine to expect to see him occasionally while DH is deployed.

Anonymous wrote:Relationships are a two-way interaction. If your BIL cannot support you when you need help, then your family shouldn't be there when he wants a place to hangout.

I am also a military spouse whose DH had deployed for a year your in Iraq. I was working full time, and it was the hardest year of my life. Emit is really difficult to constantly be on- you have virtually no downtime. You come home from work and start your second job at home. I didn't feel it was appropriate to unload my stress on DH, because he had enough to deal with as he had the stress of being at war. It is very isolating and overwhelming.

This is the one time when your family really needed him, and BIL couldn't be bothered. I think I wouldn't be bothered to have him in my home, his ass on my couch, eating my food.

Anonymous wrote:DH was deployed for almost a year. I have 2 young children and it was very difficult for me. BIL is local and attends graduate school. BIL said he would help but totally let me down. On several occasions, I asked for help. He said, "probably" and then flaked on me. Now DH is back and he is at our house constantly. Whenever I see him, I get mad because it reminds me how he wasn't there for us when we really needed him. Now that his brother is back, he is happy to be around and hang out with DH and the kids.

Do I have a right to be upset with BIL?

Anonymous wrote:I would take the opportunity to ask BIL in front of his brother why he didn't help me out when he said he would when he came over for a visit. If anything you learned his word means nothing.

OP, you're going to have to learn to be on your own or get with another wife to help each other out when these deployments happen. I know the base can hook you up with help if you truly need help. And remember, no one can read your mind, they need to hear your voice.