Anonymous wrote:I find this whole thread rather shocking. I can't imagine living under such strict control over household decorating. The only reasoning I can think of to explain it is it must have to do with the money and who controls it.

I can understand talking over purchases of furniture, appliances, electronics but not the rest.

You're right, I don't know why my husband thinks he should have a say in household decorating, because I contribute more to our family's income than he does and therefore SHOULD have more control over the decorating. It's just not fair that he thinks he should have a say in some of the decor since it's about 70% MY money and really I should be the one who has control over decorating the house.

Today we went furniture shopping. I picked out 2 sofas, 2 end tables, coffee table, 2 lamps and a rug. My husband only asked if they took the old when they brought the new.

I would NEVER be married to a person who cared more about interior design than having a functional relationship. Stay away and go get therapy to recover. Then thing you are describing, OP, are not in the least be normal.

Is this about decorating or is this about control? I'm betting control. Get some clarity before you reconcile. I suspect decorating control is the tip of the iceberg.

My husband has much stronger opinions on interior design than I do. He is also willing to spend money on it and I am not. So this leads to most of the design being done by him, which works out because he likes it and I do not. Typically I agree with his taste but occasionally if I have a strong opinion on something I will stick to it to get what I want since he does whatever he wants 90% of the time.

This used to be a huge issue in my marriage. DH is a visual, artistic type and has an opinion about the aesthetics of everything. He's also a perfectionist. I, on the other hand, am more easy going and intuitive about what I like and the right way to do a job. I couldn't even pick out a bathroom accessory or paint a celing without risk of criticism from DH. To make matters worse, DH has always done a great job on house projects but is SLLOWWW about completing them, which has driven me nuts!

Fast forward 25 years and things are much better. DH is older now and much more willing to let go of doing every job himself. He's also less opinionated about his decor ideas since he's seen that I'm capable of making good decisions too. It took a quarter of a century for us to get to a good place about this though.

I am sorry, but this needs to be done.

http://grammarist.com/spelling/free-rein-free-reign/

Anonymous wrote:I think a husband should let his wife take the reigns when it comes to decorating the home.

As long as she doesn't do the bathroom all in pink, he should just suck it up.

Men usually do not stress over house decor anyway.

Reins. Not reigns.

I think a husband should let his wife take the reigns when it comes to decorating the home.

As long as she doesn't do the bathroom all in pink, he should just suck it up.

Men usually do not stress over house decor anyway.

I think he sounds like a control freak. I would not be returning small stuff like a trash can if he vetoes it. If he doesn't like it, he has to promptly take it back. Is he like this in all areas of your marriage or does he only care about decor?

dH and I confer on furniture purchases, but he mostly cares about price. I usually find 2-3 items I like and ask if he has an opinion. I have free reign over duvets, pillows, light fixtures and decor though.

Your post sounds really bitter, OP.

I do a ton of research and put a lot of thought into everything I need to buy; then narrow the list down to a manageable level; explain pros and cons of each to DH; bullet point why I have a preference (if I happen to have one); then let him voice an opinion.

If he picks something that really doesn't fit with my scheme, I work to persuade and convince him until he changes his mind.

Basically I research the stuff to death, present objective, rational arguments, and wear him down. That's a winning combination for any topic of discussion

My husband largely defers to me since he does not really have the time or inclination to want to make purchasing decisions, likes my taste, and supports my proposed budget parameters. On big things like furniture, paint color, and drapes, I tend to narrow things down to two or three options and then I like to confer with him and make a decision together. This is also his home so I want him to love it! I just have more interest in this area. The only exception to the above is artwork and rugs above a certain price point - for expensive pieces of art or rugs, we both need to love it in order to bring it into our home.

DH here. I am obsessed about decoration (and home improvement) and I am always coming out with ideas which I share with DW (who likes decoration but is not obsessed). While I think I have pretty decent taste, I recognize that my DW has vastly superior taste. So I give 10 ideas, she says one of them sounds good, I feel pride, we implement the idea.

Anonymous wrote:My DH could not possibly care any less. He likes that our house is clean, warm, and inviting. He does not care about fabric swatches, paint colors, or furniture style.

+1000

My husband doesn't care about most issues related to the way the house looks, but has very strong feelings about things being neat and comfortable. Anything I buy that helps with organization is a plus in his book; any furniture has to be comfortable first and foremost. Otherwise, all decisions are on me, which can be stressful (we just redid our kitchen and I was anxious I'd pick something awful). And he has no DIY impulse or interest so there are a lot of small improvements to our house that go undone because they are on a long list of items where the ball is solely in my court.

Overall, though, I'm okay with this division of labor. I have a friend, who happens to far outearn her husband, but he is a first-class nudge about every little thing they do in the house. And of course, he has incredibly expensive tastes and expectations, all of which are enabled by her trust fund. He's similar about parenting - he is a very hands-off parent but insists that little Johnny can never have anything that's non-organic. My friend sneaks her own child hot dogs and tries to bribe him not to tell his dad. WTF?

OP, do you have kids? People who are controlling and absolutist in one arena are seldom flexible in others.