Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:39     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:39     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?


LOL, yes, they want cash and cash only. I'd buy a gift
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:38     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Give cash/check. Is the couple Indian? I have only seen this phrasing on invitations to indian weddings.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:38     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am curious: if this is a South Asian cultural thing, is it normal to ask for cash at other celebratory occasions, such as a birthday, etc?


South Asian poster here again: actually, in most south asian countries, you would never ASK for anything. there is no registry info given on the card and no one needs to write "no boxed gifts." Similarly, birthdays are just like here - you send an invitation, people show up, they bring what they want. i have never seen a SA birthday here in the US that specified type of gift, but I've seen plenty of examples on dcum of that kind of invitation "no presents please" "only books, please" "bring a donation in lieu of a gift" "only handmade gifts"


Thanks for the explanation.

So is it an anomaly or inappropriate within the South Asian culture to actually state "no boxed gifts"? Is the expectation that one should give money and does the money raised go towards defraying the cost of the wedding or do the couple receive the money?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:37     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:Are they Asian? I'm married to an Asian and giving money at weddings is considered normal (gifts for a wedding are sort of odd in some Asian cultures!).

If you like them, go and give money. If you don't like them, decline the invitation.

But be aware that "tackiness" is culture-specific


or go, and don't give them anything. gifts are optional, remember.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:36     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
i hate that. one of my best friends is indian and she put that on her website. tacky.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:36     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
We neither registered nor made any statements about gifts/no gift or money.

Our parents were flooded with calls and emails about what the kids want. The kids wanted nothing but to celebrate. Like PP said, we didn't need a toaster and we had been living together for a while. Our house was already established.

Through the grapevine, I heard that our wedding was considered rude since we didn't give any indications of what to do.

No matter what you do, you will upset some people.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:35     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are expecting money or a gift card. It is considered an acceptable request in some cultures (but not in others!). Expect this thread to blow up.


Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:35     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.


That's how gifts work, numbnuts. I repeat, you may not extort money. Even if you call it a "gift" when you pry it out of their hands.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:33     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:Am curious: if this is a South Asian cultural thing, is it normal to ask for cash at other celebratory occasions, such as a birthday, etc?


South Asian poster here again: actually, in most south asian countries, you would never ASK for anything. there is no registry info given on the card and no one needs to write "no boxed gifts." Similarly, birthdays are just like here - you send an invitation, people show up, they bring what they want. i have never seen a SA birthday here in the US that specified type of gift, but I've seen plenty of examples on dcum of that kind of invitation "no presents please" "only books, please" "bring a donation in lieu of a gift" "only handmade gifts"
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:32     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.


Maybe you should not invite the "dinosaurs" to your fundraising events in the future.


When I got married, we did not do any kind of registry. We gratefully accepted the gifts that people chose for us. We also only invited people who knew us well enough to choose a gift for us (no co-workers of a parent who had never met either of us, no third cousins twice removed).

A wedding gift should be something that a friend or family member chooses for you because they care about you. That's all. We shouldn't be telling people what we want from them because then they are just fulfilling a request, not truly giving a gift.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:29     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Greedy, tacky and gross!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:23     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Am curious: if this is a South Asian cultural thing, is it normal to ask for cash at other celebratory occasions, such as a birthday, etc?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:20     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:Generally, the polite thing to do is to have gifts delivered to the address on the invitation either before or after the wedding. It is difficult to transport gifts on the actual day of the wedding.

China settings and silver frames or candlesticks are not shower gifts, they are traditionally considered wedding gifts.

Wedding gifts have meaning and will remind you of the giver for the rest of you life. We have items that were given to us by family and friends who have since passed away: I like being reminded of people I love when I see those things. Cash, a gift card, or a check could never have the same effect.


I agree.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 13:19     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:

BOTH ARE TACKY.


What is "tacky" depends on your culture. True fact.

Just like it's rude in the US to slurp the noodles in your noodle soup, whereas in Japan it's rude to not slurp the noodles in your noodle soup.