Your husband pouts and doesn't do enough of the everyday grown-up things. He doesn't sound like he has money sense or common sense (and no, an MBA won't buy those). He sounds like he just wants to please his parents, even though it's obviously at a high cost to you. How dare he agree to this with his parents without talking to you first? In this kind of thing, there should be no argument, not pouting if one partner says no.

I've been put in this position before, and everyone involved tried to force me to go along with it. They did not have my (or the kids') best interests at heart, and I was made to feel bad about it. It would have been a disaster, but I held strong. You should, too, OP, judging by what you've said.

Anonymous wrote:To the poster about if we are encouraging them to move here no. They have been looking at cville for years. We would love to see them more. They don't want to move to the dmv but Want land and probably a green house.

So you would love to see them more but you're not encouraging them to move closer to you? Where are they coming from that their current house is only worth $200K?

If you and DH were encouraging them to move here and they had so few assets, I would understand a little bit about why they'd want you to do this. As you've described the situation, though, I don't quite get it. If they can't afford to move where they want to, they stay put, no?

Anonymous wrote:A couple of things, OP.

1. Say no. You're the breadwinner, the responsibility and risk would be on you to pay this mortgage. If you don't want to do it, then don't. Pouting won't change things. Can your husband really pay the mortgage by himself?

2. I'm concerned about your relationship with your husband. You two should be a team, not him with his parents against you!

I'm a stay-at-home mother with no income. DH still includes my opinions into all the financial decisions and has never made one that does not benefit me.

I don't think OP is the only breadwinner, PP. I believe she just said she earns more than her husband.

A couple of things, OP.

1. Say no. You're the breadwinner, the responsibility and risk would be on you to pay this mortgage. If you don't want to do it, then don't. Pouting won't change things. Can your husband really pay the mortgage by himself?

2. I'm concerned about your relationship with your husband. You two should be a team, not him with his parents against you!

I'm a stay-at-home mother with no income. DH still includes my opinions into all the financial decisions and has never made one that does not benefit me.

Anonymous wrote:To the poster about if we are encouraging them to move here no. They have been looking at cville for years. We would love to see them more. They don't want to move to the dmv but Want land and probably a green house.

So will they be paying the whole monthly mortgage payment themselves? I don't understand. If the deal is that they buy more than they can afford to pay monthly for the rest of their lives, then you are going to be subsidizing them and this is a REALLY a bad deal. Are they just going to pay the mortgage until their 500k runs out and then you will be in the position of selling your (their) house and they have to find another place to live or you will have to pay the mortgage? If they can't pay the mortgage and you sell, do they just get their 200k back or will they want some of the equity? What if it depreciates, do you get some of the 200k they put in?
Ask your DH about that!

To the poster about if we are encouraging them to move here no. They have been looking at cville for years. We would love to see them more. They don't want to move to the dmv but Want land and probably a green house.

I posted on the first page but I want to echo the pp who said that this is a hill to die on. This is DEFINITELY a hill to die on, OP.

OP what price point house are we talking? You seem to have very few details, do you even know?

Anonymous wrote:I really hope that $500k is only a portion of their retirement assets. Because if that's all they have, and they're looking to you guys to buy them some big house, this will likely not be the last conversation that comes up about supporting them in retirement.

+1. 500K is nowhere near enough for two people, especially if they have a hard time living within their means. They should have $1 million net worth, AT LEAST, before considering upgrading their standard of living.

I really hope that $500k is only a portion of their retirement assets. Because if that's all they have, and they're looking to you guys to buy them some big house, this will likely not be the last conversation that comes up about supporting them in retirement.

I'm sorry, but it seems to me that your ILs haven't been particularly good with money nor is your DH.
A house to "diversify" investments? Thought you have a house to pay and theirs is paid off. Enough real estate in your portfolio.
They need to scale down and not up. The $200k house and $500 in retirement is not enough for 2 people who are in their early 60s to live on specially when moving to a more expensive area.
They need to get their own house, and let them leave your husband some money if there is any left over when they die.
Seem like they have something to show somebody, maybe friends, that they live better than they really do. All friends know is that the the lawyer lives in a big house now that he is retired.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. What I find interesting is that it doesn't seem clear to me how DH benefits unless he does want to "save" his parents and he is not being totally forthright with me as to their need. He tells me that they have a net worth, not debt. I know their house would sell for 200K and saw FIL's 410K statement: 500K.

I think last pp has a great idea. Stick to the fact that I don't want more debt and since they don't either, how can he counter argue. We'll see how it goes. He's pouting today.

Can you answer my question about whether you're encouraging them to move here from a less expensive area?

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. What I find interesting is that it doesn't seem clear to me how DH benefits unless he does want to "save" his parents and he is not being totally forthright with me as to their need. He tells me that they have a net worth, not debt. I know their house would sell for 200K and saw FIL's 410K statement: 500K.

I think last pp has a great idea. Stick to the fact that I don't want more debt and since they don't either, how can he counter argue. We'll see how it goes. He's pouting today.

Let him stew. Say no and stick to it. He's probably pouting because he knows he screwed up by agreeing without asking you, and he knows his idea is dumb.

Thanks all. OP here. What I find interesting is that it doesn't seem clear to me how DH benefits unless he does want to "save" his parents and he is not being totally forthright with me as to their need. He tells me that they have a net worth, not debt. I know their house would sell for 200K and saw FIL's 410K statement: 500K.

I think last pp has a great idea. Stick to the fact that I don't want more debt and since they don't either, how can he counter argue. We'll see how it goes. He's pouting today.

I get the impression this fight is not 100% about money or a house.