Interesting enough - before all of this, yesterday morning she wanted to hear the story of how I met her dad. Found it to be an odd question but now it makes sense

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me that your daughter has been caught in the middle. The fact that she keeps telling you she loves you and you are her mother makes me think you have an unhealthy relationship with her. A 7 yr old is not supposed to be comforting you. Maybe you should stop talking badly about her father and his choices when she is around. You are the adult.

I don't talk about her dad really. We have our own life here. She is caught in the middle because she feels like she needs to hide things from me. So again yesterday I told her she can tell me anything. I've told her 1000 times that she doesn't need to take care of me. But she was harboring what was perceived as a secret for 2 months and it festers inside, you can get what that does to a little girl.

OP I'm on your side. Of course you have a right to know who is caring for your child. I don't see how this is unreasonable.

I can't help but feel that many of the above posters are just trolling.
If they are parents, I challenge any of the naysayers to say they would be completely happy for their young child to be in the care of someone they do not know for several hours to several days, particularly if they fear the person has no means to contact them in an emergency.
Likewise his asking the child to lie is unconscionable. It will confuse her, cause anxiety and down right teach her that lying is ok and keeping things from her mum is ok. This opens up the child to other dangers- if she's learned that it's ok to keep something from her mum, in a case where she is being molested and told not to tell her parents, she is less likely to do so. We all teach our children that, no matter what, they should never keep secrets from us and never be afraid to tell anything and here the pp's are saying it's perfectly fine. I just do not believe we are dealing with reasonable and responsible adults here.
It behooves you ex., no matter how bad your relationship is, to tell you who is caring for your child ( particularly as your agreement says you should be informed of any big changes) and not to make her believe that it's fine to lie to you.

I feel for you OP and I hope you can sort things out with your ex husband.

I have no dog in this fight. I am not divorced or separated and my kids live with both of their parents.

It sounds to me that your daughter has been caught in the middle. The fact that she keeps telling you she loves you and you are her mother makes me think you have an unhealthy relationship with her. A 7 yr old is not supposed to be comforting you. Maybe you should stop talking badly about her father and his choices when she is around. You are the adult.

OP here. Nope, I'm just me and speak my mind. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. I'm simply stating the BS so I can move on with my day.

Good thing I got mind blowing sex last night and now off to brunch with a friend that gets it. I get my daughter at 5pm and all will be right with the world.

Just hope her Dad handles VIP day like he said he would......he can handle her disappointment. I don't clean up his mess anymore. M can do that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fuck all y'all. None of you get the bs. It affects my daughter by asking her to lie!

You sound really classy.

YEP

+1

Anonymous wrote:Fuck all y'all. None of you get the bs. It affects my daughter by asking her to lie!

You sound really classy.

OP wants everyone to agree with her POV.

She cannot accept relate to anywone who disagrees. If that is how she is in terms of everyday life, my sympathies lie with the ex husband.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a nightmare of an ex-wife.

Your ex does not owe you any explanations of who he is having a relationship with - you guys are divorced. Move on with your life and don't interfere or get involved in your ex's life. He can do whatever he wants because you are not part of his life except for the fact that you both have a daughter who is not yet an adult.

The very fact that your daughter did not want to tell you about the ex because she thought that it would upset you is revealing. If she did not think it would upset you she would just have told you about it.

Your ex does not owe you any accounting of who he is going with or who he is living with. Your relationship with him is over.

Plus, we live in the same neighborhood. So, the odds of running into each other is higher than average and like yesterday, I don't want it to be weird for my daughter. Bingo.

Actually, PP you're mistaken. Sure, he can have a relationship with anyone he wants. But as soon as that person is living under the same roof as the child, all bets are off. The other parent is well within his/her bounds to know who is sharing a home with their child, whether it's a roommate, a relative or a lover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? My ex's girlfriend moved in in January and I only found out today because my daughter was whispering in the phone. I guess she saw the girlfriend at the grocery store and didn't want to say hi because it would upset me. I said - next time say hi to her. It's fine. In fact I want to have a relationship with her but dad doesn't want me to

He specifically asked her if she talks about his girlfriend to me. I guess holding in a lie like that can only be held for so long with a 7 1/2 year old.

Fucked up. Her dad is such a douchebag. He's extremely controlling and forbids me to have contact with the chick.

Why are you so anxious to have a relationship with her? Maybe he fears you'll do things like tell her he's a douchebag. That's a reasonable concern, evidently.

I don't want a relationship with her. I want contact in case there is an emergency. She's NOT next of kin and if my daughter is with her exclusively and something happens, I would need to know what's going on. That's it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a nightmare of an ex-wife.

Your ex does not owe you any explanations of who he is having a relationship with - you guys are divorced. Move on with your life and don't interfere or get involved in your ex's life. He can do whatever he wants because you are not part of his life except for the fact that you both have a daughter who is not yet an adult.

The very fact that your daughter did not want to tell you about the ex because she thought that it would upset you is revealing. If she did not think it would upset you she would just have told you about it.

Your ex does not owe you any accounting of who he is going with or who he is living with. Your relationship with him is over.

Fuck you. I have moved on. But because my daughter is so young we HAVE TO CO-PARENT! Not hard. Believe me, I would pay money to never have to deal with his sorry ass again. I really would. Fuck it. VIP day is on him.

OP, you are a nightmare of an ex-wife.

Your ex does not owe you any explanations of who he is having a relationship with - you guys are divorced. Move on with your life and don't interfere or get involved in your ex's life. He can do whatever he wants because you are not part of his life except for the fact that you both have a daughter who is not yet an adult.

The very fact that your daughter did not want to tell you about the ex because she thought that it would upset you is revealing. If she did not think it would upset you she would just have told you about it.

Your ex does not owe you any accounting of who he is going with or who he is living with. Your relationship with him is over.

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? My ex's girlfriend moved in in January and I only found out today because my daughter was whispering in the phone. I guess she saw the girlfriend at the grocery store and didn't want to say hi because it would upset me. I said - next time say hi to her. It's fine. In fact I want to have a relationship with her but dad doesn't want me to

He specifically asked her if she talks about his girlfriend to me. I guess holding in a lie like that can only be held for so long with a 7 1/2 year old.

Fucked up. Her dad is such a douchebag. He's extremely controlling and forbids me to have contact with the chick.

Why are you so anxious to have a relationship with her? Maybe he fears you'll do things like tell her he's a douchebag. That's a reasonable concern, evidently.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Why didn't you address the live in girlfriend issue during your divorce?

I did. It's in the separation agreement that big changes would be discussed etc.

However, a piece of paper will not make the man act reasonable. He's a lawyer, and never ever wrong. Even if it puts my kid in the middle.



And more food for thought - last week she told me that shes hurt she prefers to be around me. Because I act like its a big deal. Her dad doesn't, and just makes a joke about cutting her leg off and really that would be something that would hurt, not a little cut, or bruise or something. I don't make it a big deal. I simply talk to her about it, give her a hug and a bandaid or ice if needed.