Anonymous wrote:Stay away from drugs. That's a very strong and very personal piece of advise. Psycho-pharmaceutical drugs do more harm than good. If you're on the fence about this I recommend watching "Psychiatry - An industry of death". Therapy is good. Loads of good therapists out there. Lots of places to get help. But stay away from the drugs. And stay away from hospitalization during which you and/or your son do not have control over whether he has to take drugs or not and generally over what will happen to him there.

Ask him under which circumstances he might accept help, ask him what he can think of that he might need right now. I agree to not leave him alone - but do talk to him about it. Respect him deeply right now. Explain to him what you are doing and why. Do not ever go over his head if you can at all avoid it. The "He will hate you for a short while and then everything will be peachy" is a blanket statement that can end very badly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work at a psych hospital and see people like this everyday. If you can take him to a psychiatrist today do it. If you can't then take him to the ER. Please take this seriously. He says in 2 years but since he has actual plans to kill himself you need to take it seriously and it's an emergency!!!

Pump the brakes a bit. I've worked inpatient psych as well and while this kid is clearly asking for help, its not necessarily an "emergency!!!". S/I with a vague plan 2 years out and no imminent threat to self or others- that's not inpatient criteria. Especially with no failed outpatient.

OP- thank him for sharing something so personal and painful. Let him know that you love him, you will never judge him, you want him to always tell you things like this, and ask him to agree to tell you if he ever feels imminently suicidal. In short, have him contract for his own safety. Tell him you think he should see a therapist and ask if he will agree to see someone. Have him be an active participant in his therapy, even now. If he won't agree to see a therapist, talk and LISTEN, find out his reservations, see if you can help him overcome them. Call your insurance company or his primary care and ask for a referral to a therapist. Get him to an appointment as soon as possible.

If he cannot contract for his own safety or he shows signs of imminently harming himself, take him to an ER or call the police.

This is good advice. He needs you. I know a teenager committed to a psych institution and it is not a fun place to be - it also can really interfere with his plans for college. Of course, if you think there is not other option, do it. But it is not something to do lightly. I was also suicidal but never did anything. the important thing is you act as you are doing...taking action with therapy, time, attention, etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer a PP's question is my son plays with a certain group of friends every day on the computer while talking via chat (like Skype). These same group do exist IRL and come over frequently. However, he grew very rapidly and thinned out and has some body image issues. He has a condition that requires surgical correction which we are currently appealing the denial for. I think this plays a big part of it. I also think just being a teenager is huge part of it. He is in all AP classes and that's tough too.

We are working on it, he's talking to his friends about it, to us (DH and I). He's a good kid and knows he is loved dearly. I never allowed the computer in his room so he is in my eye sight all of the time as the computer is in the family room. I know all of his online activities and friends.

Thanks for all the helpful advice again. He's not bullied or peer pressured, he doesn't do drugs, it's a battle to get him to take even vitamins. He's broken two bones doing sports and didn't want the pain medication. I'm not concerned about drugs or alcohol, we don't have either in the house.

OP, you keep saying he talks to you and his friends but that doesn't really matter. You and they are not professional psychiatrists. Kids with friends commit suicide. Kids with loving families commit suicide. Great kids who know they are loved commit suicide. In fact, they convince themselves that its because they love their families, that their families would be better off without them. Depression and suicidal ideation distort a person's ability to reason through these things. You can reason through it and tell yourself that because your DS knows he is loved and has friends he won't do it. But people with depression don;t think that way. And when they actually attempt suicide its an impulsive thing. Its "I'm alone in the house and the time is now," or "it would be so easy to just go out this window." Lack of impulse control is a huge factor in suicide. The idea gets planted and takes root and its all they can think about.

Its enormously painful as a parent and I can understand why you are grasping onto reasons to feel he won;t do it. But he has told you he is suicidal. It doesn't get more urgent than that. The two years from now thing is a hedge, its a "I don;t want my parents to lock me up," or "I want to maintain what little control I have here." He is suicidal NOW. The danger is NOW>

You say you have an appointment. Call and get in tomorrow. Seriously. Don;t wait a week. And to be careful call a suicide hotline and get some feedback on what to look for and what to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer a PP's question is my son plays with a certain group of friends every day on the computer while talking via chat (like Skype). These same group do exist IRL and come over frequently. However, he grew very rapidly and thinned out and has some body image issues. He has a condition that requires surgical correction which we are currently appealing the denial for. I think this plays a big part of it. I also think just being a teenager is huge part of it. He is in all AP classes and that's tough too.

We are working on it, he's talking to his friends about it, to us (DH and I). He's a good kid and knows he is loved dearly. I never allowed the computer in his room so he is in my eye sight all of the time as the computer is in the family room. I know all of his online activities and friends.

Thanks for all the helpful advice again. He's not bullied or peer pressured, he doesn't do drugs, it's a battle to get him to take even vitamins. He's broken two bones doing sports and didn't want the pain medication. I'm not concerned about drugs or alcohol, we don't have either in the house.

OP, you keep saying he talks to you and his friends but that doesn't really matter. You and they are not professional psychiatrists. Kids with friends commit suicide. Kids with loving families commit suicide. Great kids who know they are loved commit suicide. In fact, they convince themselves that its because they love their families, that their families would be better off without them. Depression and suicidal ideation distort a person's ability to reason through these things. You can reason through it and tell yourself that because your DS knows he is loved and has friends he won't do it. But people with depression don;t think that way. And when they actually attempt suicide its an impulsive thing. Its "I'm alone in the house and the time is now," or "it would be so easy to just go out this window." Lack of impulse control is a huge factor in suicide. The idea gets planted and takes root and its all they can think about.

This poster is spot on. OP, get off your ass and get him into see a professional.

Its enormously painful as a parent and I can understand why you are grasping onto reasons to feel he won;t do it. But he has told you he is suicidal. It doesn't get more urgent than that. The two years from now thing is a hedge, its a "I don;t want my parents to lock me up," or "I want to maintain what little control I have here." He is suicidal NOW. The danger is NOW>

You say you have an appointment. Call and get in tomorrow. Seriously. Don;t wait a week. And to be careful call a suicide hotline and get some feedback on what to look for and what to do.

Anonymous wrote:To answer a PP's question is my son plays with a certain group of friends every day on the computer while talking via chat (like Skype). These same group do exist IRL and come over frequently. However, he grew very rapidly and thinned out and has some body image issues. He has a condition that requires surgical correction which we are currently appealing the denial for. I think this plays a big part of it. I also think just being a teenager is huge part of it. He is in all AP classes and that's tough too.

We are working on it, he's talking to his friends about it, to us (DH and I). He's a good kid and knows he is loved dearly. I never allowed the computer in his room so he is in my eye sight all of the time as the computer is in the family room. I know all of his online activities and friends.

Thanks for all the helpful advice again. He's not bullied or peer pressured, he doesn't do drugs, it's a battle to get him to take even vitamins. He's broken two bones doing sports and didn't want the pain medication. I'm not concerned about drugs or alcohol, we don't have either in the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work at a psych hospital and see people like this everyday. If you can take him to a psychiatrist today do it. If you can't then take him to the ER. Please take this seriously. He says in 2 years but since he has actual plans to kill himself you need to take it seriously and it's an emergency!!!

Pump the brakes a bit. I've worked inpatient psych as well and while this kid is clearly asking for help, its not necessarily an "emergency!!!". S/I with a vague plan 2 years out and no imminent threat to self or others- that's not inpatient criteria. Especially with no failed outpatient.

OP- thank him for sharing something so personal and painful. Let him know that you love him, you will never judge him, you want him to always tell you things like this, and ask him to agree to tell you if he ever feels imminently suicidal. In short, have him contract for his own safety. Tell him you think he should see a therapist and ask if he will agree to see someone. Have him be an active participant in his therapy, even now. If he won't agree to see a therapist, talk and LISTEN, find out his reservations, see if you can help him overcome them. Call your insurance company or his primary care and ask for a referral to a therapist. Get him to an appointment as soon as possible.

If he cannot contract for his own safety or he shows signs of imminently harming himself, take him to an ER or call the police.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 year old son told me he is suicidal and depressed. He told me he plans to kill himself when he finishes high school (2 years). He recently came out too, which he claims has nothing to do with his depression. He says he feels hopeless, like he's not good at anything and sees nothing when he thinks of the future. I offered different modalities to help him, talking with someone, perhaps medications if recommended. He is declining. I'm not really sure how to help him as he is just not happy. He has a group of friends who come over every weekend but aside from them, he doesn't do anything. He never goes to their house, doesn't participate in any activities and essentially exists online. Any advice?

OP, I do not mean this at all in a negative way, but could you elaborate on this? How does a 17 year old get to the point where he "essentially exists online?"

Anonymous wrote:My 17 year old son told me he is suicidal and depressed. He told me he plans to kill himself when he finishes high school (2 years). He recently came out too, which he claims has nothing to do with his depression. He says he feels hopeless, like he's not good at anything and sees nothing when he thinks of the future. I offered different modalities to help him, talking with someone, perhaps medications if recommended. He is declining. I'm not really sure how to help him as he is just not happy. He has a group of friends who come over every weekend but aside from them, he doesn't do anything. He never goes to their house, doesn't participate in any activities and essentially exists online. Any advice?