Anonymous wrote:OP here:

With our assets + life insurance, DW would have a net worth of about 2.2 million....

according to
[url]
http://www.calculator.net/annuity-payout-calculator.html?cstartingprinciple=2200000&cyearstopayout=40&cinterestrate=6&cinflationrate=3&cmonthoryear=year&x=63&y=15[/url]

which would be worth about 146K /year for 40 years....Add in social security: 44K/year till DD turns 18 (5 years 1 month), and 24K starting in 20 years (she reaches retirement age)....in the intervening years, with any work, she would be ahead of my current salary (the deficit is 10K)

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

With our assets + life insurance, DW would have a net worth of about 2.2 million....

according to
[url]
http://www.calculator.net/annuity-payout-calculator.html?cstartingprinciple=2200000&cyearstopayout=40&cinterestrate=6&cinflationrate=3&cmonthoryear=year&x=63&y=15[/url]

which would be worth about 146K /year for 40 years....Add in social security: 44K/year till DD turns 18 (5 years 1 month), and 24K starting in 20 years (she reaches retirement age)....in the intervening years, with any work, she would be ahead of my current salary (the deficit is 10K)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be feeling panicked and out of control because of your cancer diagnosis. She's worried. When people are feeling out of control, they try to grab onto things they think they can control. Your spending may be one of them.

You might want to sit down with an objective third party. In this case a financial planner could be that objective voice. Or you could go talk with a marriage counselor for a few sessions to get at the root of this and work out a plan where you get to have your "toys" and she feels in control.

I have suggested marriage counseling, but she rejects it. I refuse to go to a financial planner, because we are fine. The planner will not tell me anything I don't know. Fine as in: we bought our house in 1999, before the runup, and while my salary has gone up 2.5x, the mortgage is about the same (2K per month on 160K/year income). The real issue on the finances is she never looks at the big picture; she sees sometimes we have very little in the checking account....but sometimes we have a lot.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does your wife want to talk about with a marriage councelor? Do you know? Why won't you at least go with her to a finantial planner? You know you're ok finantially but does she? She may need a third party to tell her this. Finally, do you invite her to go to spring training with you? Even if she doesn't care about baseball, she would enjoy knowing you want her there and there's nothing saying she can't go sit on the beach while you're at a game. If you have children and are leaving her at home to go off and enjoy yourself, I'd be pissed at you. Cancer or no, you are a husband and father and your ass needs to be with your family. Nobody has a lock on tomorrow. If spring training matters and you have kids in school, pull them out and go as a family if you feel you need this time. My sense is that both of you are needlessly dug into your possitions. That's way more damaging to the marriage then whatever you are or are not spending.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Nobody is doing that. It's money that's causing tension in the marriage. That's why its the focal point. He deserves technology but his wife also deserves security.

If he dies, his wife gets
$1 million +
$750k +
$40k

That's not enough? I'm no mathematician, but that's enough to buy a near-six figure annuity. That's not enough? Do they live in Beverly Hills?

Why is there so much focus on his SAH wife when he is the one suffering, especially when they are quite well-off? Can you imagine a stay at home dad hassling his cancer-ridden wife, who works and makes all the money, over buying a MacBook every couple of years? I think most DCUMers would be outraged.

I feel that there is a double-standard at play here.

According to the annuity calculator I found online, if you assume a reasonable rate of return and a 40-year annuity (let's assume OP's wife is in her 40s, and doesn't live past 80s, which is a risky assumption), it would provide her with annual income of about $85,000. In other words, if OP were to die, just a little more than half of their current income, which has to cover mortgage payments, college tuition, retirement and everything else. Yes, she could go back to work, and hopefully in a few years make a decent salary, but not necessarily at his level or enough to make up the shortfall. And don't forget, she would also have a child who just lost her father, and it probably wouldn't be in their child's best interest to immediately be sent off to a new care provider while mom jumps into a full time job right after losing him.

So, in short, OP, unless you live someplace with a substantially lower COL than the DC area, I suspect you aren't "fine," and your wife is right to be concerned about your finances. I think that sit-down with a financial planner would be a very good idea for both of you. Once you have some reasonable goals set for shoring up your finances, then set a budget that allows each of you a set amount of "fun money" for gadgets, hair coloring, etc. If she knows everyone's long-term financial needs are being met, she may ease up about the gadgets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Nobody is doing that. It's money that's causing tension in the marriage. That's why its the focal point. He deserves technology but his wife also deserves security.

If he dies, his wife gets
$1 million +
$750k +
$40k

That's not enough? I'm no mathematician, but that's enough to buy a near-six figure annuity. That's not enough? Do they live in Beverly Hills?

Why is there so much focus on his SAH wife when he is the one suffering, especially when they are quite well-off? Can you imagine a stay at home dad hassling his cancer-ridden wife, who works and makes all the money, over buying a MacBook every couple of years? I think most DCUMers would be outraged.

I feel that there is a double-standard at play here.