Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 16:43     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Maybe he had a rough day at work? Perhaps he was closing out an important business deal for work? Don't jump to conclusions just be sure to have his dinner and slippers ready.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 15:42     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated and I read emails that described the sex and she still denied it. It isn't only men.


+1 As a woman, the sexism in this thread is appalling. We can say "men are like children" - switch the genders in that claim and see how the DCUMers here flare up.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 13:17     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
OP, you sound pretty hysterical. Any chance your husband is telling the truth? Why didn't you even stick around long enough to see who was in bed? Something is off about your story.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 10:42     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Not at all the severity of your situation, but my husband buys the standard chocolate box for my DD and me every holiday, but this year we had a friend visiting yesterday so he wanted to be the "good guy" and give a box to her - very sweet ...BUT... then asked me for my valentine's heart box of chocolates to give to someone in his office (his assistant) who calls at all hours. He didn't even flinch when he asked for the box back to give to her. He could have bought another box today, but that would require effort. He denied a relationship with her, but really?!!!
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 10:28     Subject: Re:I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
I had an ex that had hickeys on his neck (not by me),and said "nope,these aren't hickeys". He kept denying it. I don't get it. I don't trust men.


Well, I once did get a luggage hickey. Carrying super heavy bag around airport, and running to catch flight--scraped up side of my neck and looked like a hickey.

Did not know that until I finally, after long day of meetings, checked into hotel and looked in the mirror.

otoh, DH did not even notice.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 10:03     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
I had an ex that had hickeys on his neck (not by me),and said "nope,these aren't hickeys". He kept denying it. I don't get it. I don't trust men.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 09:51     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
In particular, they will make their victim out to be the one who doesnt get it, is crazy, didnt see what they saw, etc. Its a form of gaslighting and recasting of lies.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 09:50     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:How does one have the balls to tell another person they are imagining something they both know happened? I've met some pieces of shit and heard stories, but the audacity it takes to tell someone they didn't see another human being and think they can get away with it is incredible.[/quote

Im the PP who suggested the OP look at the personality disorders forum, because believe it or not, this is STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE for borderlines and narcissists. Its like they dont have the part of the brain active that tells them they cant get away with utter nonsense. They create their own reality. Its mind boggling.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2015 09:18     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
How does one have the balls to tell another person they are imagining something they both know happened? I've met some pieces of shit and heard stories, but the audacity it takes to tell someone they didn't see another human being and think they can get away with it is incredible.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 19:19     Subject: Re:I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
This is the Shaggy defense " it wasn't me"
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 19:17     Subject: Re:I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you left! I might have originally backed out -- then I would have gotten my phone and walked in and taped them. Then I would chase out skanky whore into the street with no clothes and call the cops on her.



+1

Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 19:09     Subject: Re:I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
I'm sorry you left! I might have originally backed out -- then I would have gotten my phone and walked in and taped them. Then I would chase out skanky whore into the street with no clothes and call the cops on her.

Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 18:58     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:In THE ACT, in our bedroom. I opened the door, saw, closed the door and walked out. He called me to say i didn't see what i saw. I really don't get the denial. I just don't get the break with reality. I mean, really? I don't get it.

I'm still shaking. I'm staying at a hotel for the week. I couldn't go back home. It's so surreal.

Why deny at this point?


OP, I am in an online support group for people with loved ones who have personality disorders. This is one key feature of narcissism and borderline personality disorder. Not only the cheating, but the absurd level of denial that defies explanation. I suggest you go immediately to this site and compare notes: outofthefog.net/forum/

I am _so sorry_ this has happened to you. The crazy-making denial is a huge red flag that got my attention right away. Please do not delay and check it out.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 17:05     Subject: Re:I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. I never understand this. I would have screamed, thrown shit...I can't comprehend just closing the door and backing out. I


Same here. It makes this post hard to believe it's true.


I could totally see this happen. It is sort of a denial that your whole life has been turned upside down without any warning and you want to get as far away from the trigger as possible.

Having said that, go back in there and call a lawyer. Do not leave the house and move out. You do not have to engage with him. You know what you saw. You know he is scum. You know it is likely not the first time. Get back inside. Call a lawyer.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2015 17:01     Subject: I literally caught DH in the act cheating and HE STILL denies everything.
Anonymous wrote:Check for a new brush on the nightstand. That's a dead giveaway.


+1