Anonymous wrote:OP: I understand why this is unsettling. It's indicative of boundary issues, particularly the "surprise" part.

Over-thinking it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is watching DD tomorrow at her house for a few hours while I have to take an exam. I asked her about a week ago if she was available, and haven't really heard from her since other than normal stuff.

I just found out that she has turned my brother's old bedroom into a bedroom for DD. More than a play room, it is almost like she set up a complete bedroom like DD lives there, complete with new furniture and toys.

If this wasn't my mother I would think she was going to kidnap DD and try to pass her off as her own. Sigh... another day in my life.

Wow, your life sounds pretty good.

No kidding.

I think the people here are reacting as such because they have reasonable, non-boundary stomping relatives. When you are dealing with that sort of relative, a set-up bedroom for a granchild *might* be a nice gesture, if it was disclosed and you were comfortable with it.

It sounds like you already have apprehension about her even watching your kid and then she has done this without your knowledge and your red flags are going off. I have a similar mother, and no, it is not a good thing with that type of person. It also tends to blow up when you tell that person "no" for the first time. Maybe post in dwil nation on bbc. The ladies there are blunt but pretty helpful when dealing with that sort of person. Good luck, OP. Trust your instincts.

OP: I understand why this is unsettling. It's indicative of boundary issues, particularly the "surprise" part.

Yeah, my mom is a total narcissist too. But she did this for my kids to an extent and it has proven to be pretty nice. The opposite is a home that has made no accommodations for kids at all, which is a grandparent situation many of my friends face with their parents. OP--how old is your daughter? I think if she's old enough to understand this was just for her she will love it.

Anonymous wrote:My mother is watching DD tomorrow at her house for a few hours while I have to take an exam. I asked her about a week ago if she was available, and haven't really heard from her since other than normal stuff.

I just found out that she has turned my brother's old bedroom into a bedroom for DD. More than a play room, it is almost like she set up a complete bedroom like DD lives there, complete with new furniture and toys.

If this wasn't my mother I would think she was going to kidnap DD and try to pass her off as her own. Sigh... another day in my life.

Your mom sounds like a huge narcissist. Rather than responding to your simple request, she made a grand over-the-top gesture, designed to give her bragging rights.

You probably won't get much sympathy here. People with normal parents don't get it. Try Reddit. The subreddits "Raised by Narcissists" and "Life after Narcissism" are really helpful.

My mil did this too. But she rarely watches the kids and claims she is too busy when we ask for help. No, she doesn't have to help, I realize that any help we get from family is not required and we don't expect it. Whenever we ask her to watch them, even for just an hour or two, she gets upset and complains about how busy she is. But I do find it weird that there is an empty bedroom in a house filled with books and toys and a bed that we rarely ever get to use. And it's good, expensive stuff too. Makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I can win this one - my MIL ALREADY has a kids room set up for TWO kids complete with stuffed animals, kiddie decor, a little bathroom stepstool etc.

My husband is her only child.

We have no kids

Did she overhear the two of you having sex at 1am?

Not that I know of! She is endearingly desperate for grandkids....the thing I'm dreading most about getting pregnant is her daily phone calls asking how I am. It all comes from a good place but OMG

Anonymous wrote:I think I can win this one - my MIL ALREADY has a kids room set up for TWO kids complete with stuffed animals, kiddie decor, a little bathroom stepstool etc.

My husband is her only child.

We have no kids

Did she overhear the two of you having sex at 1am?

So, OP, what is your problem? You are an ungrateful petson. Maybe your mother should have put her in a dog house in the back yard.

It just depends on the family relationship. If my parents did this, great. They are pretty normal when it comes to boundaries. If my fil did this, it would really rub me the wrong way. He has (multiple times )tried to strong arm us into decisions regarding ds, and is in general presumptuous.

Anonymous wrote:I think I can win this one - my MIL ALREADY has a kids room set up for TWO kids complete with stuffed animals, kiddie decor, a little bathroom stepstool etc.

My husband is her only child.

We have no kids

This is epic. You win something for sure. I'm not sure what, but it definitely should be very alcoholic.

I'd be bothered by the surprise aspect. All of you with these rooms set up, you know or depends on the relationship you already have and the expectations and everything. If it doesn't fit hers, it would be weird.

Anonymous wrote:My mother is watching DD tomorrow at her house for a few hours while I have to take an exam. I asked her about a week ago if she was available, and haven't really heard from her since other than normal stuff.

I just found out that she has turned my brother's old bedroom into a bedroom for DD. More than a play room, it is almost like she set up a complete bedroom like DD lives there, complete with new furniture and toys.

If this wasn't my mother I would think she was going to kidnap DD and try to pass her off as her own. Sigh... another day in my life.

No empathy from me either. I have to pay for a sitter whenever I need to do something alone. I'd give my right arm for family backup.

My parents, local to me, have a room set up for my boys at their house - they spend a lot of time there. They also set up a room for my brother's kids who live out of town and visit occasionally, because they didn't want the out-of-town grandkids to feel any less welcome. And they have the space.

I think they're awesome.