Anonymous wrote:Raising children who learn that choosing a path that results in a career where loving what they do is enough.

I started out loving my career, but after dealing with horrible clients, unreasonable deadlines, and lack of pay, my interest in the field has waned. To me it seems unreasonable to expect every child to love their career their entire life. Many people making boatloads of money have to work very hard for it and others just don't make enough to be entirely happy at it. If you get paid well, have a flexible job, and actually like what you're doing, sure. But sometimes I think we should prepare children that they may not always love what they do but it's important to provide nonetheless. Especially if they're not a trust fund baby to begin with.

Anonymous wrote:Being truly successful in life has many different components.

Financial: not owing money and having money saved and having money to spend on all needs and some wants

Mental: having mental health

Emotional: being in a loving, happy, safe and supportive relationship, doing something positive in this world

Physical: taking care of body, taking care of space you inhabit

How true!

Why is this on this thread?

Yes. You are right. Thank you for responding.

Anonymous wrote:Back to grandchildren. Certainly there are many successful lovely people who choose not to have kids, but being honest if none of my offspring had kids I would be miserable. I know its not PC. Fortunately for me all my kids had kids early and have told me if they had not found a mate they would have been a single parent, or if there were medical issues they would have adopted. The drive for having kids runs deep in our family. We all love babies and taking care of rowdy toddlers and even rebellious teenagers. And all my daughters also have good careers. Sorry to sound so smug but I consider raising kids who are great parents as my biggest success.

Raising kids who are great parents is a wonderful achievement & completely understand why you are proud of this. I do think, however, when those whose kids are not yet parents (or perhaps not even grown) decide that "success = grandchild", they are setting themselves up for possible heartbreak & burdening their kids with unfair expectations

T-minus 19 days...

Anonymous wrote:We want for our son to learn to love to learn, to be curious, to be happy while he is in school. I hope he goes to college, but if he wants to be a carpenter or farmer and wants to head right into that...that would be okay with me, too. I want him to find something he loves to do in life, and either find a way to do it for a living or to find a living that allows him time to do what he loves. I have plenty of relatives who are "poor," but live debt free and spend most of their time on their art. That would be fine with me. He says he wants to be a scientist (or a professional baseball player) now, and so if that holds I hope he is able to focus his talents on academics so he can do what he wants.

And please don't assume that we all have access to good schools for our kids! I don't. The choice for him wasn't between two good schools, but between a great one and one where little kiddos are routinely suspended and the PTA is defunct.

Of course not, but many do and still opt out.

Back to grandchildren. Certainly there are many successful lovely people who choose not to have kids, but being honest if none of my offspring had kids I would be miserable. I know its not PC. Fortunately for me all my kids had kids early and have told me if they had not found a mate they would have been a single parent, or if there were medical issues they would have adopted. The drive for having kids runs deep in our family. We all love babies and taking care of rowdy toddlers and even rebellious teenagers. And all my daughters also have good careers. Sorry to sound so smug but I consider raising kids who are great parents as my biggest success.

I envision my child as a wildly successful Wall Street stockbroker, like Gordon Gekko or that guy in American Psycho.

We want for our son to learn to love to learn, to be curious, to be happy while he is in school. I hope he goes to college, but if he wants to be a carpenter or farmer and wants to head right into that...that would be okay with me, too. I want him to find something he loves to do in life, and either find a way to do it for a living or to find a living that allows him time to do what he loves. I have plenty of relatives who are "poor," but live debt free and spend most of their time on their art. That would be fine with me. He says he wants to be a scientist (or a professional baseball player) now, and so if that holds I hope he is able to focus his talents on academics so he can do what he wants.

And please don't assume that we all have access to good schools for our kids! I don't. The choice for him wasn't between two good schools, but between a great one and one where little kiddos are routinely suspended and the PTA is defunct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sucess = grandchildren

What if your child decides he or she doesn't want children? Will you feel like you failed (or like your child is a failure) even if your child is a happy, kind, compassionate individual who is successful in the field of his or her choice?

My best friend is an amazing, smart and successful woman. Her husband isn't fully on board with kids though so it hasn't happened yet. Her parents are very proud of her and love her tons, but you can see there is a void there and they very much hope grand kids are in the cards.

This might not be universal though. Maybe I will feel differently in a few years, both my kids are in college now, but I am really not pining for grandchildren.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sucess = grandchildren

What if your child decides he or she doesn't want children? Will you feel like you failed (or like your child is a failure) even if your child is a happy, kind, compassionate individual who is successful in the field of his or her choice?

My best friend is an amazing, smart and successful woman. Her husband isn't fully on board with kids though so it hasn't happened yet. Her parents are very proud of her and love her tons, but you can see there is a void there and they very much hope grand kids are in the cards.

My sister is kind, intelligent, wonderful at her job & an incredible, loving aunt but she doesn't have children of her own & almost certainly never will. My parents understand that, for her, that is the right choice so they fully support this decision & don't seem at all upset by it. I wonder sometimes, however, if they would feel differently if they didn't already have grandchildren from me.

As for me, I'd very much love to have grandchildren & will admittedly be disappointed if my (only) child decides not to have kids. I will also be very proud of her, however, for doing the right thing by not having kids just because it's the societal norm/"expected" of her. I'd much rather have no grandchildren than have my daughter feel pressured into having children she isn't really sure she wants (&/or will be able take care of, as the case may be).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sucess = grandchildren

What if your child decides he or she doesn't want children? Will you feel like you failed (or like your child is a failure) even if your child is a happy, kind, compassionate individual who is successful in the field of his or her choice?

My best friend is an amazing, smart and successful woman. Her husband isn't fully on board with kids though so it hasn't happened yet. Her parents are very proud of her and love her tons, but you can see there is a void there and they very much hope grand kids are in the cards.

Anonymous wrote:Sucess = grandchildren

What if your child decides he or she doesn't want children? Will you feel like you failed (or like your child is a failure) even if your child is a happy, kind, compassionate individual who is successful in the field of his or her choice?