Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:22     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are many on here that believe everything is so black and white. It's great to know everyone lives is Happy Land. Lies aren't always the best option but if you have to then you have to.

That is the mentality that has OP all twisted up. There is no "if you have to then you have to". You have to think about what will happen if the truth is told. Here, a few people will be embarrassed, maybe even greatly (though OP should not be embarrassed, it is obvious she will be). So, in order to save face, she is talking about actually cutting her sister off. Her dad is already a piece of work, now she wants to cut off her sister for failing to preserve the lie.
The OP will feel so much better if she just let's it out and lives free.


So says you. Somtimes it is safer to lie.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:16     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:There are many on here that believe everything is so black and white. It's great to know everyone lives is Happy Land. Lies aren't always the best option but if you have to then you have to.

That is the mentality that has OP all twisted up. There is no "if you have to then you have to". You have to think about what will happen if the truth is told. Here, a few people will be embarrassed, maybe even greatly (though OP should not be embarrassed, it is obvious she will be). So, in order to save face, she is talking about actually cutting her sister off. Her dad is already a piece of work, now she wants to cut off her sister for failing to preserve the lie. The OP will feel so much better if she just let's it out and lives free.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:16     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
OP, simply say to your in-laws that your mother is out of town. Period. She's not at home. They don't need more explanation than that. And they don't care.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:12     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:Maybe ranting here will make me feel better. My parents had a bitter informal separation about 5 years ago but so far we as a family have kept it in the down low esp with the in-laws from my side due to culture and religion differences. After separation, my dad kept the family home while my siblings bought my mom a new home three hours away that my dad doesn't know about. They are both happy than they were when they were together and we are not worried to waking to news that my mom has been murdered or in ICU as a result of domestic violence.

My PIL are currently visiting my native country where my parents and some of my siblings live and they have expressed desire to meet my parents and any other family member who might be available. My brother's wife has suggested that we stage manage the visit by having my mother visit my dad's place the morning of to avoid "washing our dirty linen in public," but my mom feels that this is hypocrisy that she doesn't want to be part of. My mom however requested me to give her time to think of alternatives. I suggested they meet at a neutral place like at one of my brother's place but I could sense the uneasyness on my siblings side. When I spoke to my older sister yesterday I requested her to let me talk to my parents, my others siblings and my husband to find a common ground but my sister went ahead to tell my dad that my in-laws were in town already and they planned on visiting him in his house. When I called my dad this morning I found that my sister's big mouth was also trying to arrange a date for the meeting. I so hate my sister right
now. It was not in her place. And yes, I called her to tell her that but she doesn't see where she crossed the boundary. I feel like cutting her off!!


Hard for me to understand your post.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:10     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
There are many on here that believe everything is so black and white. It's great to know everyone lives is Happy Land. Lies aren't always the best option but if you have to then you have to.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:10     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:Stop making OP feel bad. She is allowed to feel her sister betrayed her because she told the dad. I am from a family where you absolutely have to lie about hangs so I feel for you OP. If you still need to make your parents look married and you don't want to put your mom into harms way. You could ask your dad to tell your PIL that she is out shopping. If women aren't alowed out by themselves in this country. Then have your dad say she is being escorted by his brother. I feel for you OP. Many people think that family relationships should be clear cut and you should be able to forgive your sister and tell the truth about your parents, but it is not that simple.

Next time, if you don't want interference don't tell your sister or just know whatever you tell her is likely to get out.


A lot of families are like this, all over the world. And a lot of people are miserable because of it. It's up to us as individuals to determine what aspects of the culture were are going to buy into and further and what we are not. We're adults.

Also, I think people get annoyed when offering advice to someone refusing to help themselves.

All of that being said, PP's idea is a fine one, if you would like to continue keeping up all these pretenses.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:07     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:Stop making OP feel bad. She is allowed to feel her sister betrayed her because she told the dad. I am from a family where you absolutely have to lie about hangs so I feel for you OP. If you still need to make your parents look married and you don't want to put your mom into harms way. You could ask your dad to tell your PIL that she is out shopping. If women aren't alowed out by themselves in this country. Then have your dad say she is being escorted by his brother. I feel for you OP. Many people think that family relationships should be clear cut and you should be able to forgive your sister and tell the truth about your parents, but it is not that simple.

Good idea! More lying!
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:04     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:Stop making OP feel bad. She is allowed to feel her sister betrayed her because she told the dad. I am from a family where you absolutely have to lie about hangs so I feel for you OP. If you still need to make your parents look married and you don't want to put your mom into harms way. You could ask your dad to tell your PIL that she is out shopping. If women aren't alowed out by themselves in this country. Then have your dad say she is being escorted by his brother. I feel for you OP. Many people think that family relationships should be clear cut and you should be able to forgive your sister and tell the truth about your parents, but it is not that simple.

Next time, if you don't want interference don't tell your sister or just know whatever you tell her is likely to get out.


Her parents are, in fact, still married.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 15:02     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
Stop making OP feel bad. She is allowed to feel her sister betrayed her because she told the dad. I am from a family where you absolutely have to lie about hangs so I feel for you OP. If you still need to make your parents look married and you don't want to put your mom into harms way. You could ask your dad to tell your PIL that she is out shopping. If women aren't alowed out by themselves in this country. Then have your dad say she is being escorted by his brother. I feel for you OP. Many people think that family relationships should be clear cut and you should be able to forgive your sister and tell the truth about your parents, but it is not that simple.

Next time, if you don't want interference don't tell your sister or just know whatever you tell her is likely to get out.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:45     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys, easy. Don't roast me! FYI, that part of the world domestic violence is very common but divorce is not. I have helped my mom the best I can, if that makes me a selfish person I take it any day. The person I was ranting about is my sister.


What? Where is that, Saudi Arabia? Clearly not Europe. Not most of Asia, either.


Pakistan?


I'm the PP whose posted lots about just being honest and how the OP is unfairly targeting her sister. My parents are immigrants from Pakistan. There is still a stigma toward divorce certainly and domestic abuse may be common, but certainly not acceptable. OP needs to get her priorities in order.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:44     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys, easy. Don't roast me! FYI, that part of the world domestic violence is very common but divorce is not. I have helped my mom the best I can, if that makes me a selfish person I take it any day. The person I was ranting about is my sister.


You need:

1) Jesus

2) A wakeup call

3) Intervention

4) Education

5) A big freaking CLUE

And not necessarily in that order!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Hmmm ... maybe all except (1).



Is that you, OP?


No, I'm not OP! And I have no idea why you're bringing Jesus into this!!
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:43     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys, easy. Don't roast me! FYI, that part of the world domestic violence is very common but divorce is not. I have helped my mom the best I can, if that makes me a selfish person I take it any day. The person I was ranting about is my sister.


What? Where is that, Saudi Arabia? Clearly not Europe. Not most of Asia, either.


Pakistan?
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:43     Subject: Re:urrgh! I hate this woman
So your parents aren't actually divorced, and you say that domestic violence is common in your culture, so it's not clear what you are trying to hide from your in-laws. It sounds like these are social norms for your culture (as unfortunate as that is). It's also not clear what your parents living situation has to do with your in-laws or why your in-laws would care.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:40     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:Guys, easy. Don't roast me! FYI, that part of the world domestic violence is very common but divorce is not. I have helped my mom the best I can, if that makes me a selfish person I take it any day. The person I was ranting about is my sister.


What? Where is that, Saudi Arabia? Clearly not Europe. Not most of Asia, either.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2015 14:40     Subject: urrgh! I hate this woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys, easy. Don't roast me! FYI, that part of the world domestic violence is very common but divorce is not. I have helped my mom the best I can, if that makes me a selfish person I take it any day. The person I was ranting about is my sister.


You need:

1) Jesus

2) A wakeup call

3) Intervention

4) Education

5) A big freaking CLUE

And not necessarily in that order!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Hmmm ... maybe all except (1).



Is that you, OP?