1641, I agree with you in principle, but as adults, we all really need to understand that "fairness" and equity are fluid things. The money that OPs brother is getting may not have been available as liquid assets for the parents to share a year ago, ten years ago, or whatever. OP does not know the full circumstance of this money ie. if it's a loan, if the parents will actually own the house, etc. She's making assumptions based on her own interpretation of the situation and her own measuring stick of fair (which seems to be purely about money).

Let me give you a different example. I grew up with an alcoholic mother in an abusive home. My brothers were born when I was a teenager. I raised them until they were young children (due to my mother'so incompetence to do so). I left home very young and forged out on my own.

Shortly after I left, my mother met another man, stopped drinking, and cleaned up her act. My brothers ended up, by all accounts, having a fairly stellar childhood, in a warm and loving home.

I don't begrudge them one moment of that. Is it fair? Hell no. Is it equitable? Nope. BUT life isn't then what it was then and is wasn't what it is now. Nothing can MAKE life fair. I love my brothers deeply and I am so happy they had the childhood I didn't.

I have a lot of tools in my emotional toolbox they'll never have because of my experience. I am driven, unflappable, independent, and always land on my feet. The trade off in my life was being who I am. So it's not fair by one measuring stick, but more than fair in another.

Anonymous wrote:OP I completely understand you.
My parents always told me to rely on myself even when I was in dire need to their help, years ago. I was on my last $400 but they did help me out.

OP, have your parents always adored your brother?
I have a brother who can do no wrong. His divorce dragged for over 2 years because every property my parents had was in my brother's name and his wife came after everything.
At 24, he was making close to $150 grans. This was 12 years ago. Then he decided to start his own business, daddy heavily invested in it, then came the divorce (physicalloy abusing his wife), but he was still the perfect son and the wife was supposedly crazy.

It's been 5 years since the divorce. Parents have since bought another house, put it yet again in his name, even though he has not worked for almost 7 years. All he does is go and travel, always first class, staying in the best hotels in the world. My son talks to him so he knows uncle spends a lot. And it's not work related since he does not work.
I recently asked my parents if they would help me out so that I could put my child in private, and they declined saying I should live according to my means.
I do not believe your situation is as extreme as mine. Hang in there.

NP here. For anything in life you can say "well life isn't fair" or "well that is their choice as the (fill in the blank, boss, parent, teacher, etc) to play favorites". Yes, the parents can do anything with their money. But I think OP is equally valid in not feeling happy and saying "ohhh yippy, my parents have enabled my brother for the x time but can't be bothered when it comes to X for me ... Let me go out in celebrate". Being bothered is human and I think it is the rare person that can shrug off blatant favoritism from their parents and not give a hoot no matter what you say on DCUM. What you do about it is another thing.

To me it is a philosophical thing of favoring the child most in need or trying to treat your kids equally regardless of need. Someone can make the argument for most in need but I believe I should treat my kids equally regardless of need. If I had the ability to help one child in a divorce situation I would either loan the money or it would be against future inheritance. In my mind that is fair. As an adult they can make any choice they want but I expect as an adult they can afford the choices they make. There are lots of people that can't fall back on financial support so that in and of itself is a luxury. So if i am providing one child the luxury of making a choice be it career, private school for kids, where to live post divorce, that I am willing to pay for, why would I not do that for my other child? Do if it isn't a loan that is being paid back, the future inheritance gives the other siblings choices that are paid for by the estate for something that may come up once I am gone. Anyway that's me. If OP's parents don't think that way, nothing OP will say will change that.

Anonymous wrote:OP I completely understand you.
My parents always told me to rely on myself even when I was in dire need to their help, years ago. I was on my last $400 but they did help me out.

OP, have your parents always adored your brother?
I have a brother who can do no wrong. His divorce dragged for over 2 years because every property my parents had was in my brother's name and his wife came after everything.
At 24, he was making close to $150 grans. This was 12 years ago. Then he decided to start his own business, daddy heavily invested in it, then came the divorce (physicalloy abusing his wife), but he was still the perfect son and the wife was supposedly crazy.

It's been 5 years since the divorce. Parents have since bought another house, put it yet again in his name, even though he has not worked for almost 7 years. All he does is go and travel, always first class, staying in the best hotels in the world. My son talks to him so he knows uncle spends a lot. And it's not work related since he does not work.
I recently asked my parents if they would help me out so that I could put my child in private, and they declined saying I should live according to my means.
I do not believe your situation is as extreme as mine. Hang in there.

If you and OP were only children, you wouldn't have these problems.

I always tease my husband that his parents are obsessively "fair." It's pretty silly actually. I guess is is why.

OP I completely understand you.
My parents always told me to rely on myself even when I was in dire need to their help, years ago. I was on my last $400 but they did help me out.

OP, have your parents always adored your brother?
I have a brother who can do no wrong. His divorce dragged for over 2 years because every property my parents had was in my brother's name and his wife came after everything.
At 24, he was making close to $150 grans. This was 12 years ago. Then he decided to start his own business, daddy heavily invested in it, then came the divorce (physicalloy abusing his wife), but he was still the perfect son and the wife was supposedly crazy.

It's been 5 years since the divorce. Parents have since bought another house, put it yet again in his name, even though he has not worked for almost 7 years. All he does is go and travel, always first class, staying in the best hotels in the world. My son talks to him so he knows uncle spends a lot. And it's not work related since he does not work.
I recently asked my parents if they would help me out so that I could put my child in private, and they declined saying I should live according to my means.
I do not believe your situation is as extreme as mine. Hang in there.

I was suppose to care my parents bought my brother a house?
Here I was just thankful I did not need to turn to my parents for financial assistance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either MYOB or give your parents a short note stating that you do not want to prevent the event, but would hope that consideration could be given in the future to even-out the distribution of assets. That's is, that's all. I would state what the amount is in your letter if you know. It's going into real estate so it will be a non-liguid asset so even if they were to offer you an amount, they might offer you slightly less.

Anyway, it's not unreasonable for you to express your thoughts. Do it in a paragraph or two. And then forget it. And that means not resenting your brother. It's totally your parents decision.

If I got a note like that from my child, they would probably be disinherited and I would be deeply ashamed for having raised such a greedy person.

+ 1,000

Seriously. To show entitlement to money that is not yours in any way is unbelievable. I would have also felt that I would have failed as a parent.

It makes perfect sense that parents help the child IN NEED. It is not your money. Count your blessings that you are not in need and move on. Stop being so selfish and petty.

Your parents should be striving to treat your life circumstances and events equally rather than the children equally. If the roles were reversed and your life was crumbling and you were in danger of losing your house, and your parents could afford it, would you rather they helped you out or stood and watched you lose your house because it was wouldn't be be fair to your brother to give you money without giving equally to him?

I could understand being upset if they had the money and they opted not to give you money for an emergency when they gave money in the past to your brother for a similar situation. But you're being unreasonable if you don't want them to help out your brother when they can afford to. He's still their child. Would you ever let your child down at a low point in their life when you had the means to help them? Stop being a sister and look at it from your parents perspective. He's their son, he's in trouble and they have the means to help him.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'm sorry your parents are willing to jeopardize your relationship with your brother by an even distribution of assets. I still suggest the note. The best thing about that is once you have expressed yourself, they will know beyond a doubt how you feel. but then you have to drop it.

The only person who can jeopardize this relationship is OP and the brother. These are not 5 year olds who don't know how to navigate a sibling relationship outside of the family unit (thereby having "favortism" be a divisive factor- I don't even think this is favoritism, his life is in the shitter, its just kindness).

You can only control how YOU react to others and their actions. If OP resents her brother or loses a relationship with him because of this single case of the parent's kindness, that is 100% on OP, not her folks.

Anonymous wrote:
For the OP to react like that there must be some pretty dysfunctional family dynamics. As in, parents have played favorites, have given money with strings attached, brother has always relied too much on them, has never had his life together whereas OP has had to be independent early on, etc.

But PPs message still stands. There's nothing you can go about it that won't turn you into an embittered and jealous person.

Um... Too late. And you forgot "entitled".

Dear Mommy and Daddy,


Please don't help out Biff in his time of need; I don't like it.

Signed,

Larla

"uneven" distribution of assets

Op, I'm sorry your parents are willing to jeopardize your relationship with your brother by an even distribution of assets. I still suggest the note. The best thing about that is once you have expressed yourself, they will know beyond a doubt how you feel. but then you have to drop it.

For the OP to react like that there must be some pretty dysfunctional family dynamics. As in, parents have played favorites, have given money with strings attached, brother has always relied too much on them, has never had his life together whereas OP has had to be independent early on, etc.

But PPs message still stands. There's nothing you can go about it that won't turn you into an embittered and jealous person.