Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

If you know about your friend's failing marriage you are probably already in emotional affair territory.

Yes, I guess I am. I mean he told me once and then I sent him an email a few days later saying that we can't let our conversations take that turn. We haven't discussed it since, but I happen to know things haven't changed. EA's are really tough when you work with someone and are in the same work group. I'm trying really hard to keep things right, but my thoughts are really intense.

Back away from the cookie jar. Do not their problems mess up multiple other lives. This is why guys hate their wives have "good friends from work" who are dudes. Unfortunately this happens all the time. Don't let it happen to you (and your husband, kids, friends, etc.). No "good friend from work" is worth that.

Thank you for this. If there is one thing that DCUM excels at, it is tough love. Gotta love the strength you can access from an anonymous forum. Any other tips or reminders to step away??

Infatuation isn't real. It's fun, and exciting and easy because it doesn't have real world problems. You're not disagreeing about how to handle disciplining your kid, or being annoyed because DH is snoring, or dealing with him leaving his dirty laundry all over the floor. If you were married to the work guy you'd have all the same boring crap in that relationship and it wouldn't be glamorous anymore. On the other side, you have shared goals, history, dreams with your husband. You are a family. The work guy is not your family. He's a blip of a distraction. Don't trade a good thing for a temporary rush.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

If you know about your friend's failing marriage you are probably already in emotional affair territory.

Yes, I guess I am. I mean he told me once and then I sent him an email a few days later saying that we can't let our conversations take that turn. We haven't discussed it since, but I happen to know things haven't changed. EA's are really tough when you work with someone and are in the same work group. I'm trying really hard to keep things right, but my thoughts are really intense.

Back away from the cookie jar. Do not their problems mess up multiple other lives. This is why guys hate their wives have "good friends from work" who are dudes. Unfortunately this happens all the time. Don't let it happen to you (and your husband, kids, friends, etc.). No "good friend from work" is worth that.

Thank you for this. If there is one thing that DCUM excels at, it is tough love. Gotta love the strength you can access from an anonymous forum. Any other tips or reminders to step away??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

If you know about your friend's failing marriage you are probably already in emotional affair territory.

Yes, I guess I am. I mean he told me once and then I sent him an email a few days later saying that we can't let our conversations take that turn. We haven't discussed it since, but I happen to know things haven't changed. EA's are really tough when you work with someone and are in the same work group. I'm trying really hard to keep things right, but my thoughts are really intense.

Back away from the cookie jar. Do not their problems mess up multiple other lives. This is why guys hate their wives have "good friends from work" who are dudes. Unfortunately this happens all the time. Don't let it happen to you (and your husband, kids, friends, etc.). No "good friend from work" is worth that.

Just figured out DH has spent thousands from our business account on strip clubs and gifts for one or two strippers. His work life has been difficult and his self esteem tanked so he turned to clubs and paying for attention. He is in therapy, I am in therapy, I took all the credit cards. Man does this suck. Did not see this one coming and we are going on year 14 with two middle schoolers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

If you know about your friend's failing marriage you are probably already in emotional affair territory.

Yes, I guess I am. I mean he told me once and then I sent him an email a few days later saying that we can't let our conversations take that turn. We haven't discussed it since, but I happen to know things haven't changed. EA's are really tough when you work with someone and are in the same work group. I'm trying really hard to keep things right, but my thoughts are really intense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although I love my bf so so much and am generally very happy with him, I can't seem to forgive him for dumping me for his ex gf when we first met and then continuing to text her and keep in touch with her during the first part of our courtship. He says he loves me and I am the love of his life and he wants to marry me and have children with me but nothing he does seems to erase the resentment and disrespect I feel when I think about our start.

You have to let your BF go. You cannot stay with him and punish him for the past. Or you need to come clean to him about what you're thinking and let him have the choice to start fresh with someone else, without the baggage.

No...thats not even an option. I love him to pieces and he is my dream guy! There's a reason why I took him back even after he dumped me for someone else. I just watch other couples and how they happily come together and get jealous and envious that I didn't have that experience. It is VERY hard knowing that at one point, when given the chance, my bf actively picked someone else over me and he came crawling to me only after she didn't take him back. So even tho he prefers me and wants me NOW...I can't help but feel perpetually no.2 in his life.

Anonymous wrote:Although I love my bf so so much and am generally very happy with him, I can't seem to forgive him for dumping me for his ex gf when we first met and then continuing to text her and keep in touch with her during the first part of our courtship. He says he loves me and I am the love of his life and he wants to marry me and have children with me but nothing he does seems to erase the resentment and disrespect I feel when I think about our start.

You have to let your BF go. You cannot stay with him and punish him for the past. Or you need to come clean to him about what you're thinking and let him have the choice to start fresh with someone else, without the baggage.

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

If you know about your friend's failing marriage you are probably already in emotional affair territory.

Although I love my bf so so much and am generally very happy with him, I can't seem to forgive him for dumping me for his ex gf when we first met and then continuing to text her and keep in touch with her during the first part of our courtship. He says he loves me and I am the love of his life and he wants to marry me and have children with me but nothing he does seems to erase the resentment and disrespect I feel when I think about our start.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. We love each other but for various reasons, including some pretty mean comments and behaviors (on his side, of course ), I had to pull the plug. I am miserable and think about him all the time, even though I know it was the right thing to do. I especially miss our friendship...and the sex.

Don't call/ don't text! Stay strong and every day should get a little easier. Good luck!!

PP here. Oh man, how did you know I was thinking of doing just that!?! He's got a big project coming up and I was going to wish him luck. Maybe that isn't such a good idea...Thanks for the advice!

Anonymous wrote:Broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. We love each other but for various reasons, including some pretty mean comments and behaviors (on his side, of course ), I had to pull the plug. I am miserable and think about him all the time, even though I know it was the right thing to do. I especially miss our friendship...and the sex.

Don't call/ don't text! Stay strong and every day should get a little easier. Good luck!!

Broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. We love each other but for various reasons, including some pretty mean comments and behaviors (on his side, of course ), I had to pull the plug. I am miserable and think about him all the time, even though I know it was the right thing to do. I especially miss our friendship...and the sex.

I love my husband, who is an incredible person, father and has been my best friend for 10 years. I am simultaneously infatuated with a good friend from work who is also married, but his marriage is failing. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for someone who isn't my husband. I won't act on them, but it's pretty consuming and is wearing me down.

For years I would complain about our lack of intimacy. My complaints appeared to confound DW. She swore that we effed like rabbits. We jostled in this parallel universe for a long, long time. Somehow recently, she realized we are lacking intimacy-wise. She made an effort to push for more, but quickly lost steam. Meh. I've always had a high libido but it's been so long now I'm not sure I even want it anymore. I suppose she wore me down. Now, on to happily ever after...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will never want my husband again in that way. It's been over 15 years since I had any sexual interest in him but it's taken this long to understand that no matter how hard I try it will never come back. But there's nothing else wrong with him, only that I recoil at his touch and rejoice when he's not around. He is a good father. I don't know what to do.

Well, shit. I feel sorry for him. Too bad you didn't tell him 15 years ago. Maybe he could have been a good father to children of a mother who was sexually interested in him. You stole a big piece of his life.

+1 Don't know how these ppl look at themselves in the mirror, much less sleep under the same roof.