Anonymous wrote:DH doesn't need to do anything. 135 may be healthy for him. If she doesn't like him at 135, then she obviously wouldn't have married him.

Sorry, OP, but 190 is a bit heavy. Your coworkers are either humoring you, or they are assuming that you will be an easy, undemanding lay ("fat chicks try harder," etc.).

Try to avoid falling into the trap of becoming resentful and letting yourself off the hook and insisting that he just be attracted to you even if he isn't. Just accept that you gained weight, for reasons that may be totally understandable, and that your skinny husband probably doesn't like it. Don't be ashamed; just go on a diet and hit the gym. A mountain is moved one stone at a time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The conflict on this thread is caused by two different approaches: you have those who believe the answer is to gently cajole the person into lifestyle changes. I see this all the time on threads that have to do with people who are overweight. There are allegations of fat-shaming, medical issues, eating disorders, need for counseling and so on.

Then there are those who believe that much more is achieved by just confronting the reality: most people who are overweight eat too much, eat the wrong type of food and refrain from physical activity.

I tend to belong to the latter school. It is really not helpful to be enablers - under the guise of being sensitive - to someone who is fat. It does not help the person who needs to lose weight. Most people who are overweight know why they are that way.

I was overweight and one of the things I did was to avoid eating out as much as possible while I was working to lose the weight. Just about any food in restaurants is laden with calories and it is well nigh impossible to lose weight if one eats out a lot. Combine eating sensibly at home with exercise and most people will lose weight.

Your opinion as to the best approach is based on your anecdotal experience. As is mine - and my approach is pretty much the opposite of yours. I used to be morbidly obese, and now I'm a normal weight. Rather than harshly "confronting the reality", I think sensitive, supportive encouragement is more likely to be effective over the long-term. While I agree that most people who are overweight know why, I think they often don't know how to make sustainable changes (or the idea of doing so is overwhelming), and I think the simplistic "you're at fault, and you need to eat less and move more" approach leads people to fad diets, yo-yo dieting, self-hatred and a variety of other things that don't help most people lose weight and keep it off. I don't think that empowering people, without shaming them, is at all the same thing as enabling.

Also anecdotal: I eat out often, and did while I was losing weight as well. Different things can work for different people.

Fat shaming comes up again! Telling someone that they need to get things under control through lifestyle changes is not fat shaming. It is facing reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The conflict on this thread is caused by two different approaches: you have those who believe the answer is to gently cajole the person into lifestyle changes. I see this all the time on threads that have to do with people who are overweight. There are allegations of fat-shaming, medical issues, eating disorders, need for counseling and so on.

Then there are those who believe that much more is achieved by just confronting the reality: most people who are overweight eat too much, eat the wrong type of food and refrain from physical activity.

I tend to belong to the latter school. It is really not helpful to be enablers - under the guise of being sensitive - to someone who is fat. It does not help the person who needs to lose weight. Most people who are overweight know why they are that way.

I was overweight and one of the things I did was to avoid eating out as much as possible while I was working to lose the weight. Just about any food in restaurants is laden with calories and it is well nigh impossible to lose weight if one eats out a lot. Combine eating sensibly at home with exercise and most people will lose weight.

Your opinion as to the best approach is based on your anecdotal experience. As is mine - and my approach is pretty much the opposite of yours. I used to be morbidly obese, and now I'm a normal weight. Rather than harshly "confronting the reality", I think sensitive, supportive encouragement is more likely to be effective over the long-term. While I agree that most people who are overweight know why, I think they often don't know how to make sustainable changes (or the idea of doing so is overwhelming), and I think the simplistic "you're at fault, and you need to eat less and move more" approach leads people to fad diets, yo-yo dieting, self-hatred and a variety of other things that don't help most people lose weight and keep it off. I don't think that empowering people, without shaming them, is at all the same thing as enabling.

Also anecdotal: I eat out often, and did while I was losing weight as well. Different things can work for different people.

Anonymous wrote:It's not all just the simple math of (calories in through food) - (calories burned through exercise). I've watched my wife eat far less than me while exercising far more than me (as in, among other things, training for and running a marathon) and still struggle with her weight. So, if you believe it's that simple, then you're either stupid, naive, or willfully ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:190 is obese. I feel sorry for both you and your DH. You are physically mismatched.

OP, you need to lose weight and your DH needs to bulk up. Maybe you both need to hit the gym.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn't need to do anything. 135 may be healthy for him. If she doesn't like him at 135, then she obviously wouldn't have married him.

Sorry, OP, but 190 is a bit heavy. Your coworkers are either humoring you, or they are assuming that you will be an easy, undemanding lay ("fat chicks try harder," etc.).

Try to avoid falling into the trap of becoming resentful and letting yourself off the hook and insisting that he just be attracted to you even if he isn't. Just accept that you gained weight, for reasons that may be totally understandable, and that your skinny husband probably doesn't like it. Don't be ashamed; just go on a diet and hit the gym. A mountain is moved one stone at a time.

DH absolutely does. Unless he is a midget, 135 is way too little for a grown man.

Anonymous wrote:The conflict on this thread is caused by two different approaches: you have those who believe the answer is to gently cajole the person into lifestyle changes. I see this all the time on threads that have to do with people who are overweight. There are allegations of fat-shaming, medical issues, eating disorders, need for counseling and so on.

Then there are those who believe that much more is achieved by just confronting the reality: most people who are overweight eat too much, eat the wrong type of food and refrain from physical activity.

I tend to belong to the latter school. It is really not helpful to be enablers - under the guise of being sensitive - to someone who is fat. It does not help the person who needs to lose weight. Most people who are overweight know why they are that way.

I was overweight and one of the things I did was to avoid eating out as much as possible while I was working to lose the weight. Just about any food in restaurants is laden with calories and it is well nigh impossible to lose weight if one eats out a lot. Combine eating sensibly at home with exercise and most people will lose weight.

Anonymous wrote:So, I was 150 lbs when 135lb hubby and I got together, I was 170 lbs for awhile after having a baby (5' 10''), but now I'm 190. Several coworkers express sexual interest. I hate that my husband doesn't. I'm still hot, just a few pounds over my normal weight. Plus, I had a baby and complications afterwards. What do you do when you can't seem to loose the weight?

Anonymous wrote:It's not all just the simple math of (calories in through food) - (calories burned through exercise). I've watched my wife eat far less than me while exercising far more than me (as in, among other things, training for and running a marathon) and still struggle with her weight. So, if you believe it's that simple, then you're either stupid, naive, or willfully ignorant.