Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 15:20     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?


He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.



You should ask his teachers if they think your child needs to be evaluated. I'm the poster with the older child in a dual language program and I will tell you that our school and teachers are pretty bad about telling parents about getting an evaluation. Basically, they drop a lot of hints but never ever come right out and say so. They do better if you ask right out.



They did use the words "distracted" and "distractions" often enough to grab my attention. I think they are prepping me to let him repeat the year. He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not. I think I know where this is leading. Another year of kindergarten may be the answer.

I will have to start looking at this through a different lens. As the elder child, he's not the "baby" in the family. I expect him to lead, when I should allow him to just develop at his own pace. He's a truly great kid. Perhaps he's much more of a "baby" than I have been thinking? When he was three, I would delight in his intelligence and allow for his immaturity. He was a baby!! We were just having fun while learning! He's still wicked smart, playful, and naturally curious. If I put him back into the mindset I used to have (if that makes any sense!) the problem disappears. It's only when I expect him to be a disciplined, focused learner (all value laden terms!) that he (and I) fall short.

He has until the end of the year to either show me he's capable of making this change, or not. In the meantime, I'm still looking for practical tips on how to best support him.

1) Should I continue to try and wean him from one on one instruction or embrace this as a strategy?
2) How does a parent reduce a young learner's anxiety about completing a class assignment?
3) How do I separate his academic acumen from his emotional immaturity?
4) How do I take the pressure off while also letting him know how important it is that he do the work?

I welcome the insight and would really, really appreciate very practical ways of interacting with my son. A positive outcome is whatever is best for my son, not my assumptions, expectations, or goals.

If I don't address this now it will only get worse and kindergarten seems a safe place to get this resolved.

I'm open to whatever you experienced parents can offer up as useful tips. TIA


You should realize that it is almost impossible to have a child repeat a year even if they have a diagnosis and an IEP. The teachers are telling you that your child needs an evaluation. Ask for one.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 15:16     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?


He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.



You should ask his teachers if they think your child needs to be evaluated. I'm the poster with the older child in a dual language program and I will tell you that our school and teachers are pretty bad about telling parents about getting an evaluation. Basically, they drop a lot of hints but never ever come right out and say so. They do better if you ask right out.



They did use the words "distracted" and "distractions" often enough to grab my attention. I think they are prepping me to let him repeat the year. He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not. I think I know where this is leading. Another year of kindergarten may be the answer.

I will have to start looking at this through a different lens. As the elder child, he's not the "baby" in the family. I expect him to lead, when I should allow him to just develop at his own pace. He's a truly great kid. Perhaps he's much more of a "baby" than I have been thinking? When he was three, I would delight in his intelligence and allow for his immaturity. He was a baby!! We were just having fun while learning! He's still wicked smart, playful, and naturally curious. If I put him back into the mindset I used to have (if that makes any sense!) the problem disappears. It's only when I expect him to be a disciplined, focused learner (all value laden terms!) that he (and I) fall short.

He has until the end of the year to either show me he's capable of making this change, or not. In the meantime, I'm still looking for practical tips on how to best support him.

1) Should I continue to try and wean him from one on one instruction or embrace this as a strategy?
2) How does a parent reduce a young learner's anxiety about completing a class assignment?
3) How do I separate his academic acumen from his emotional immaturity?
4) How do I take the pressure off while also letting him know how important it is that he do the work?

I welcome the insight and would really, really appreciate very practical ways of interacting with my son. A positive outcome is whatever is best for my son, not my assumptions, expectations, or goals.

If I don't address this now it will only get worse and kindergarten seems a safe place to get this resolved.

I'm open to whatever you experienced parents can offer up as useful tips. TIA
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 14:00     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?


He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.



You should ask his teachers if they think your child needs to be evaluated. I'm the poster with the older child in a dual language program and I will tell you that our school and teachers are pretty bad about telling parents about getting an evaluation. Basically, they drop a lot of hints but never ever come right out and say so. They do better if you ask right out.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:57     Subject: Re:How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Earlier PP whose child has ADHD and some other issues here. The thing that worked for us was evaluation, which led to medication and an IEP. The IEP has many supports, services and accommodations. The other thing was that I left the teacher to deal with the classroom - which really improved with the IEP and medication because the amount of work was lessened, he was given more time and the medication helped with his ability to stay on task and get the work he was expected to do completed. At home, I reinforced good school habits starting in kindergarten - all work gets done, no exceptions. I gave him control over many things, gradually of course, such as when to do the homework, where to do it, which writing implement, etc.

A couple of things that the school did are that he got preferential seating (criteria was distraction, not location of teacher, but often the least distracting place was by the teacher), he had a reduced work load (this worked because he does well in school and didn't need the amount of repetition that some kids do to master skills), he had extra time, he had a seat cushion, he had a thing they put on his pencil (a gripper sort of thing which for some reason helped him stay on task). All of this was done through the IEP process, which requires a diagnosis and demonstration of an adverse educational impact.

Even with all of this there were times he missed recess because the mandatory work wasn't done or he needed more work to pick up a skill.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:54     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

It seems that I'm not alone. For the parents in similar situations who responded, please comment on an approach that you were encouraged to take with your child.

I think I may have come off as a bit tougher than I am. Just a Tiger Mom Wannabe. I'm sharing my frustrations with *you all*, but try not to show this to my DS. I encourage him and try to make each assignment fun. We break it into smaller pieces, make frequent use of technology to make it more fun, and lots of hugs, kisses, and high-fives. If you haven't seen it, look at www.starfall.com for fun academic activities that I use to give DS a break or reward between assignments. Building a robot, then walking it through a maze is a treat

I use the word "explore" to diffuse things. Trying is rewarded.

I could use some instruction from parents dealing with this. If it is about anxiety, what do you actually DO in order to facilitate continued learning? What do you DO that relieves the anxiety so DC can complete an assignment?



If alaphabet and reading is an issue, try leap frog, preschool prep and Rock to learn videos. Leap frog is on Netflix and the other two you can get cheaply through groupon deals.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:52     Subject: Re:How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:

Maybe the program is not the right one and a dual language program is not the best fit for him.


+1000.

Also, if he is in school for daycare as well as school, homework is a lot to ask.




Not op, but we get homework and it is six pages and we do it in 20-30 minutes and it is no big deal. Nothing may be wrong. For us, my child is so used to getting one on one attention and has receptive issues so if there are no written directions he has to observe then do. Different kids learn differently and the teaching style may not be a good fit. By mid year, it should be getting better as it is for us.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:48     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:I guess there are no more multiple intelligences or learning styles inside the classrooms.
It's become about common core and lots and lots of testing.

My children used to love making funny videos in elementary schooling, both in the States and overseas. Now at at HRCS, they are telling me that they are unable to come up with any funny ideas. So sad.


Refusal to participate in class and refusing to do work is not a "learning style" and was never tolerated even before common core.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:45     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
I guess there are no more multiple intelligences or learning styles inside the classrooms.
It's become about common core and lots and lots of testing.

My children used to love making funny videos in elementary schooling, both in the States and overseas. Now at at HRCS, they are telling me that they are unable to come up with any funny ideas. So sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:34     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
You need to get your child evaluated. It may not be "him" but a medical condition. If it is a medical condition that is causing the anxiety, simply trying on your own is only going to cause frustration for both of you.

Your child is displaying this kind of behavior in preK is a red flag that it is a medical condition and it's not mild.

Get an evaluation.

Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:32     Subject: Re:How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
OP,
Have you tried sitting down with him and telling him that you have your own work to do while he does his? MAYBE he just wants your company.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:32     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

When is your son's birthday? Is he old or young for the grade? Some of his behaviors do sound like they come from a place of needing a bit more maturity to feel comfortable with all that goes on in the classroom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:31     Subject: Re:How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
You don't criticize the results. Tell him to do his best. After a few weeks of so so work, you can ask: Is this your best? but, don't say I know you can do better.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:26     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

OP here.

It seems that I'm not alone. For the parents in similar situations who responded, please comment on an approach that you were encouraged to take with your child.

I think I may have come off as a bit tougher than I am. Just a Tiger Mom Wannabe. I'm sharing my frustrations with *you all*, but try not to show this to my DS. I encourage him and try to make each assignment fun. We break it into smaller pieces, make frequent use of technology to make it more fun, and lots of hugs, kisses, and high-fives. If you haven't seen it, look at www.starfall.com for fun academic activities that I use to give DS a break or reward between assignments. Building a robot, then walking it through a maze is a treat

I use the word "explore" to diffuse things. Trying is rewarded.

I could use some instruction from parents dealing with this. If it is about anxiety, what do you actually DO in order to facilitate continued learning? What do you DO that relieves the anxiety so DC can complete an assignment?

Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:18     Subject: Re:How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

Maybe the program is not the right one and a dual language program is not the best fit for him.


+1000.

Also, if he is in school for daycare as well as school, homework is a lot to ask.


Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:13     Subject: How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?


He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.



Maybe the program is not the right one and a dual language program is not the best fit for him.