I have a couple of credit cards and a bank card. I buy what the kids and I need, clothes for my husband, groceries and all house related purchases. A couple of times I've gotten a "Holy sh@t, how can one person spend so much money in a month!" But that happens during the December holidays with all the presents and other extra expenses.

Allowance?? Are you talking about your husband or your father? I'm totally confused.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

LOL

Don't work
Want to make decisions on spending money


It doesn't work that way. At least not in a situation where a man with balls is involved.

By that logic, I guess the person who works gets no decision-making power over the children? Tell that to dual working families or the "earning" spouse.

My husband is not perfect and because I didn't want to answer for all of my spending decisions, we make a quarterly deposit to my separate checking accountl, out of which I pay for many household bills and day to day expenses. It works well for us. Call it an allowance or a money transfer, I don't care.

He is in charge of savings and investments and is more a big picture person anyway.

Growing up, my parents did the opposite. My mother was a SAHM. My father originally handled the finances but my mother would overdraw the joint checking account, would spend more than the monthly discretionary spending (so my dad had to take money out of savings to cover), etc. He finally got fed up and changed it so that his paycheck went into the joint checking account and he would transfer a small allowance back to his own checking account. She then took over the the household expenses. She could then see how much she spent on groceries, utilities, mortgage, etc and would know how much she had to spend. She could see that if she spend extra on new furniture that the family would not be able to go on a vacation in the summer, etc. It improved our family financial situation because she had all the information needed. Periodically, my father would take some money out of the joint account to put into investments, but he let her know before doing that.

This scenario definitely strengthened their relationship as they had less stress over money which is the #1 cause of marital strife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

LOL

Don't work
Want to make decisions on spending money


It doesn't work that way. At least not in a situation where a man with balls is involved.

So glad that OP's DH could chime in.

Anonymous wrote:Don't SAHM people. It's a trap!

If your husband is a controlling asshole, I agree. It won't turn out well. And sometimes it's hard to tell whether your husband will transition into this, or what life circumstances will bring you.

Then you're stuck because you can't get a job to support yourself after being out of the workforce for so long. And your husband has complete control over your life.

My wife and I try to stay on a pretty good budget. She has control of some budget categories and I others. However, we also have a personal budget category and we can buy whatever we want out of that. It really saves us from having any fights about money. We can save up and buy whatever we want, no matter how frivolous it may seem to the other. I am happy when she buys something she wants.

The only thing that gives me pause is that you made it seem like your husband feels it is his money. That could end up being a problem. I have been the bread winner for 16 of our 17 years of marriage. My wife does not want to go back to work when the kids are raised. I want to retire when the kids are raised, so she is very sensitive to buying things that will delay my retirement. We work together and that is the key. I want her to stay home because that is what she wants and I want to retire and she wants to help me get there.

Wondering if it's the same WOHM that starts all these weekly anti-SAHM posts or if there are multiple posters. Regardless, people, don't feed the troll.

Don't SAHM people. It's a trap!

I too handle all of the family's money. I don't think DH even knows what bills we pay, how much they are or when they're due. The only thing I know for sure he knows are the car payments because he negotiated those deals. Otherwise, I'm the magical fairy that takes care of making sure all the bills are paid and everything we need gets bought. If anything, I'm the one monitoring what he's spending to keep him in check.

I'd be super concerned about that comment and say you'd need to discuss this further. My neighbor is in this conundrum right now. I don't know how her staying home with the kids came about initially (whether it was discussed or more her idea or his idea), but she's in year 7, and it's still a common complaint from him to her about what she's contributing to the family. And having to act like a teenager asking their parent for money when she wants to get her hair done or buy new clothes or go out for dinner.

Also, is he planning on cutting you off from ALL access to money and bank accounts and controlling everything so you have no idea what's going on? That's a very dangerous situation to be in.

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

OP, this situation is not going to go well for you.

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and I deal with all finances. I pay all bills, track bank accounts, etc. My DH doesn't really know much details. We had it set up this way when I was working (pre-kids) too because I am better at it and it continued.
I have SAHM friends whose DHs deal with finances but they discuss and make financial decisions together.
I think it will be very hard for you if your DH's attitude is he will be making all financial decisions going forward. Maybe you guys should sit down and really discuss your expectations before you quit your job?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM4FD-8znn0

Fantastic.

That is hilarious. I just forwarded it to my husband and several mom friends. Thx for the laugh!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.

I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy."

Whatever makes you feel useful. Nothing lamer than a SAHM saying her job is CEO, Smith Family.

No shit.

Just think of the couples who both work full time jobs, raise children, and are the CEOs of their "home economy". They should get a super special prize LOL.

Do you both really think that any SAHM needs to justify her decision to you?

Strange that you care...